Your Letters

How do I just walk out on someone? I do not feel like seeing them anymore.

You say: “Dear XX, it was nice seeing you but I feel like there is no spark. It is not working for me.”

What is the problem with walking out? Are you afraid of their angry reaction? Are you afraid to hurt their feelings and cause PTSD? Are you worried you may turn into a neurotic raccoon and suffer from emotional trauma after breaking up? Something else?

Please stop. They are adults. They have been rejected in life before and know what it is like. They will get over it.

You were rejected in life too, right? They walk out on you and you walk out on them. Happens all the time.

Rejections are a part of dating and relationships. Anyone who is looking to date or to be in a relationship will eventually face rejection. Many relationships work, but most – do not. Therefore – a string of rejections.

Their inability to handle rejections in a healthy way is not your problem. You can offer them to see a counselor, but that’s it.

When someone does not want to see us, we are expected to respect their wish and leave them alone. Guess what? It goes both ways! This time we are expecting them to honor our wish and leave us alone. It is only fair.

My girlfriend says that she does not feel protected and secure with me. What does it mean?

Did she try to explain why?

When it comes to mating, biologically females are guided by instincts and intuition. You are a male and you have different instincts.

Females feel secure with males who are good providers (yes, I am talking about money here), who give her steady attention, devotion, communicate well, and provide emotional support when needed. All of these are mandatory.

Remove any of these, if only one, and she will feel insecure

Lose a job (or never have one), make ends barely meet, be homeless, or live in a poor neighborhood and your chances of getting a quality girlfriend will be zero.

Stop giving her attention, disappear from time to time, or just ignore her and see what happens. Women despise this kind of behavior. It is a complete deal-breaker for many.

Stop communicating, stop explaining and stop just having quality conversations and see where it goes. The relationship will lose its spark and attraction will disappear.

And if you want to nuke your relationship completely – just cheat. Her insecurity levels will skyrocket! She will never trust you again and it will never be the same.

All of the above bad behaviors produce anxiety and insecurity in females. Yes, they may still stay, BUT not without a great deal of resentment. And not without a feeling like it is not working out.

When we are insecure we do not feel protected.

Do you recognize any of the above described behaviors? Do you do any of them?

How do you know if your ex is suffering from depression?

Unless you have some sort of connections (like common friends or family members) you cannot know.

Why would you want to know? He is your ex. You are supposed to ‘move on'. What your ex does or feels should not be your focus anymore.

Perhaps you are still not over the relationship and wondering whether he will be back. Are you ‘hoping’ he is depressed because of your breakup?

Breakups are painful; it is like an ice cube to a man’s sack. And, even though they could be depressed over the breakup, it does not mean they want you back.

Let’s play a game:

Let us assume they are depressed. Now what? Does it affect your daily routine? Your life overall? Is the sky about to fall down and the hell is about to freeze over? No? Then why does it matter?

Let us assume they are NOT depressed. Now what? Does it affect your daily routine? Your lifestyle and life in general? Do you see nightmares or have trouble sleeping? Did you lose your appetite or desire to shop? No? Then what does THAT tell you?

Instead of wondering if they are depressed, you may want to know why it bothers you so much and how to move on. These are the right questions to ask.

If you have trouble moving on you could try several healing and empowering sessions with an affordable online counselor. Works every time.

How do I attempt to reconnect with my girlfriend after taking a break?

It depends on why you had to take it, who initiated it, how long it lasted and her feelings about it. See? It is not that simple.

Let us start with the worst case scenario. Let’s say you were the initiator of taking the break, which means she was against it. Since she was against it, it caused her emotional distress, deep disappointment and perhaps a loss of trust too.

How do you approach someone you disappointed? How do you repair the damage and loss of trust? How do you convince them that it was a one time thing and they won’t be abandoned again?

The easiest way would be to have a reassuring talk, let them know you understand how they feel and then take baby steps to reconnect. Baby steps! Remember, you are approaching a wounded animal.

They may or may not take you back. It all depends on the degree of ‘trauma’ they experienced and the ability to trust again.

Some people rebound very quickly and others – not so much.
Some forgive and forget right away and some - never.

The best case scenario is when you both agreed to take a break. In this case all you need to do is to casually reach out and ask how she is doing. If she is ready – you will know. Not rocket science here.

Another scenario – when she initiated the break.

Do you know what happened? Any clues why she wanted a break? There is a reason why she did it and if that reason still exists, then reconnecting would not be possible.

Reasons women take a break from a relationship.

~ If a man acts super needy. Hey, smothering is not sexy!

~ Life gets in the way (studying, work, health issues, problems with kids and relatives). In essence, it is hard to maintain a loving relationship while being stressed.

~ She is not sure about the relationship. Attraction comes and goes... Nothing lasts forever, you know… By creating the distance she wants to assess her feelings and thoughts. Distance gives clarity. It is pure magic! Try it!

~ She may be a chicken to break up right away and sees the ‘taking a break’ thing as the easy way out. Quite often, taking a break means to break up. It is a very common technique.

~ When a man suffers from a bad case of flatulence (just kidding!)

If it has been a while and you miss her terribly, give her a call or casually ask (via sms) how she is doing.

Please no complaints, no heavy–duty questions, and NO DRAMA. Easy-breezy and positive is the best strategy.

Reconnecting can be tricky. Her response will tell you everything.

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