Am I wrong hoping my toxic ex will never be happy again?

“I hope my ex will never be happy again!” – writes Christy –“I hope he will regret dumping me one day and will suffer as much as I do now!”

I remember feeling the same after my breakup. I was aware that it was not good for me to feel this angry and vindictive and yet, I could not help it.

It is so hard to wish them well after what they have done to us. Why on earth should we?? On what grounds?

I honestly hoped my toxic ex would burn in hell and never be happy again. I hoped he would never ever find anyone else and would end up being alone forever, having no friends, no social life, balding prematurely, getting fat, falling off his bike somewhere in the mountains with no cell phone reception, having no decent career, and having no money.

And, those beautiful times when he was proudly showing me off to his envious friends…feeling like a peacock. I wished it was his last time when he felt like this!

Because when they treat us like this we always wonder: if they are this bad with another human being, how are they supposed to achieve all those good things in life?

If they are this rude and a terrible listener, then how are they supposed to have friends or keep friendships going?

If they are this unappreciative and shady, how are they supposed to have a relationship with a decent woman? How is it supposed to work out long-term?

If they have poor social skills and are this lazy, then how are they supposed to become successful in life?

You see, eating their shit day after day eventually opens up our eyes. That’s when we see them for who they really are – a stripped from delusions image of an ordinary person with its own flaws and warts. There is nothing miraculously outstanding about them. They are not a special gift from Santa Claus. Not even from an Elf! They are just an ordinary flawed human being.

So, when this ordinary citizen breaks up with you all you have to do is to smile and wish them luck. They will need it.

They will need a lot of luck, patience, and wisdom to make things work with the next woman.

You cannot be angry with them for the reason that you cannot be angry at a dog because it is a dog and not a cat. A horse is a horse and you cannot be angry that it is not a zebra.

See my point?

They just happened to cross paths with your life to teach you a lesson. Were they capable of A, B, and C but you expected D, E, and F? Was it your fault for not seeing it? Perhaps…What did you learn from this broken relationship?

How about other ‘little somethings’ that broke the camel’s back and tore you apart? Was it ALL their fault? You cannot possibly believe that you were perfect 100% of the time, can you??

There is no point in being angry at a zebra if it is not a horse. What we should be focusing on is our contribution to this mess.

As uncomfortable as it may seem, let’s get this whole thing straight: look, no one was forcing you to go out on dates with this person. No one was forcing you to kiss him, to possibly tolerate his bad breath that smelled like owl droppings, to text him, to sleep with him, to pretend like the sex was good every time it happened, to snoop through his phone, and to continue being in an unsatisfying relationship to the point that it had to fall apart like a poorly made couch.

It was your choice. The wrong choice but still a choice. We all do it. We all make mistakes. And, when a mistake happens we learn from it and move on.

There is no point in wishing them bad or wanting to slap their behind with a wet towel one more time. They will get exactly what they deserve. Karma is a bitch. When the timing is right it serves a cold dish.

Breakups are a good opportunity to learn from. Breakups are not just breakups, they tell us something about ourselves too! Isn’t it fascinating?

Here are good questions to answer: If I never ever want to fall into a vortex of despair again, then what should I do differently next time?? Am I attracted to the same type of a man? Am I a victim of a pattern (most people are!)? Am I doing the same thing with every man but expect different results? Were they all clowns? Well, if they were all clowns indeed, then what does it say about ME? Why am I dating clowns?

I do not wish my exes anything. I know what kind of a person they are and I can pretty accurately predict what may happen to them in the future. Watching the same movie over and over again… Don’t you get tired of it?

Most people do not change and therefore are very predictable. Are YOU predictable?

Don’t be stuck in anger hoping your toxic ex will never be happy again or yelling “screw him!” on every corner. Think about your self-image! That look on your face like you made a wrong turn in a bad neighborhood. Is this how you want to be seen and remembered?

I understand that your ex may have hit top marks on your yikes meter, still, try to be grateful for the learning opportunity. By this time, you should have learned something new about yourself; that precious ‘something new’ that you may either want to change or to take into consideration when entering a new relationship with a new man!

Let your ex be. Let him eat his own mistakes. He is just another flawed human being with a bunch of issues and bad days. Bubble wrap him up mentally and send him out to his next woman. Ta-ta. You are free now.

p.s. Let’s hope his next woman won’t set him on fire while he is asleep!