Is he checking out others while being with you?
There is nothing worse than being on a date with someone with an owl-like head who won’t stop twisting it around checking out others. It is like ‘What the heck? Can’t you see how inappropriate and disrespectful it is??’
I am not even saying how sh*tty it feels every time they do this:
~ Aren’t you attractive enough to look at? You are their date after all!
~ Did they go out with you for YOU or to get an opportunity to check out others also?
~ How about their interest level? If they were not with you at that moment, does it mean they would hit on others?
And here is a dreaded one:
~ When they are not with you, does it mean they hit on others behind your back? How can you trust them for not doing this when they shamelessly do this in your presence? How are you supposed to believe their words in the presence of solid facts?
There are many ways to handle this and there are several explanations for this disgusting behavior.
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Let us start with the fact that we are all grownups and we know what disrespect means. However, if we have to explain to a grown man what is wrong and what is right, then there is something wrong with this man. Are you with me on this one?
Now, if he is overall a great guy and treats you with respect (i.e. he does know what being respectful means), but acts like an owl in public, then there is a big chance he is not aware of it. Yes, it could be just an unconscious habit.
We women have unconscious habits too. How about touching our hair while talking to people? We may not be aware of it, but to those people – especially men – such gestures may come across as flirting. I knew of such a woman. When I pointed out how seductive her gestures were she was in shock. She had no idea she was doing it!!
If this is his habit, then it may take some time to break it PROVIDED he is willing to go along. Explaining these things to him may not feel comfortable, plus he may accuse you of picking fights over nothing.
As a suggestion, next time when you catch his staring calmly point it out to him. Eyeballing others is the same as compulsive whistling - one may not be aware of their actions until you catch them hot handed.
Your goal is to bring this habit to their attention and to make them AWARE of it. After several ‘reminders’ he should become more aware and then it would be up to him to break it. If he values you he will make an effort. It is a proven fact.
The above case was the easiest one. It is harmless. Besides, it has been my observation that most great and loyal guys fit into this category.
Now, let’s take a look at the dark side. Could this inappropriate, disgusting, and awful habit mean something ELSE? Sure it could.
You will find out pretty quickly… by their negative reaction and unwillingness to compromise.
You see, if a guy you are with is really into you, then he will be inclined to please you. Asking to refrain from disrespectful eyeballing of other women IS NOT THAT MUCH TO ASK, really. It could be his habit or something more, but this sort of thing should not be an issue in healthy couples.
‘So sorry dear, I understand how inappropriate it is, I swear it was unintentional, I will make an effort to stop’ - is a typical response of someone who is truly into you.
‘Huh, what did you say? Are you saying I cannot look around while we are dining out? What is wrong with you? Are you insecure? You know I love you, don’t you? Just get over it!’ - is the response you do not want to hear, but probably will if the man you are with is a JERK.
They are insensitive, rude, and a disrespectful jerk that just waved a big red flag in front of you. If you have been dating for a while, then perhaps you expected this type of response already. How sad… Are you getting used to their disgusting ways while losing your own identity in the process?
Please re-evaluate your entire relationship because what you just saw was only the tip of the iceberg.
Their conscious response was a sign of deliberate disrespect of your feelings and of you as an individual over all. This disrespect is very clear, unless of course, you decide to ignore it.
There is nothing worse than being upset over something, and then be kicked in the gut over this. And since it is just the tip of the iceberg, you may want to get ready for more. You see, it is NOT about them looking or not looking at other women, it is about them disregarding your feelings, making fun of you, making you feel inadequate and misunderstood, which boils down to one major reason people break up all over the world – the feeling of being UNLOVED.
This attitude of theirs will spill over (or maybe it already is) into other areas of your relationship. It is not good news, ladies.
You ‘may’ make them stop checking out other women, but it does not mean they're gonna lose that nasty and hostile attitude. The longer you stay, the higher your chances of seeing what’s hiding under the water. That negative attitude of theirs was just a little stinky sign of what kind of a person they are for real AND what they think of you and their relationship with you.
You are certainly not going to waste half of your life teaching someone what it takes for a relationship to work. They will either cooperate and try to make it work or you are out of there.
You are not responsible for fixing others and lecturing them on what is wrong and what is right. If they are above a certain age they should know what disrespect means and how the lack of it affects others. Stop explaining, they KNOW IT ALL ALREADY!
If they knowingly disrespect you, if they know you are hurting but won’t stop doing what they are doing, then they have no place in your precious life.
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