20 Signs he is not serious
It is amazing how creative we become when we want someone who… does not want us on the same level.
We create an amazing amount of excuses FOR THEM at the expense of our own needs. We suffer from terrible anxiety wondering what is wrong, whether they are serious, why things are not progressing, and how to make things work.
We ignore red flags and operate from a position that if the person is still there it means they are ‘interested’ and there is the potential of ‘something more’ happening.
Some people go as far as waiting for years! They believe that if they wait long enough that ‘something more’ WILL eventually happen. Being rejected does not seem like an option to them so they opt to wait.
Listed below are the signs he is not serious. As soon as you spot these signs, I suggest you to pack your stuff and disappear on him. If you do not, it will just be a matter of time before HE packs his stuff and disappears on YOU.
Signs he is not serious and you are absolutely wasting your time:
1. All he wants is to meet for sex. This one is very obvious but in my experience many women believe that sleeping together will eventually turn into something more. No, there is absolutely no guarantee that it will!
2. He disappears for prolonged periods of time. He is either dating others or is not interested enough to see you more often.
3. He introduces you as his ‘friend’. You know what? This is because he does not think of you as his Girlfriend!
4. He either hides you or keeps you a secret. There IS a reason for this, and no matter the reason – it is never a good one.
5. He is still in contact with his ex. As a matter of fact, he could still be married! You may not know what is going on between them, but what you should know is that his heart is not fully with you. You could be ‘the other woman’.
6. He has an upper hand or in other words – it is all on his terms. It is always about HIS schedule, HIS mood, HIS everything. You do not feel like you are an equal partner.
7. He dates others. When you confront him – he downplays the whole thing or makes it look like you are stressed out over nothing: ‘oh come-on, you are my main woman’, ‘ those other people mean nothing’, ‘you are imagining things’.
8. You have been going through an endless making-up – breaking-up cycle. He knows exactly what you are not happy about, but won’t move a finger to bring things to the next level. He wants to keep you on HIS terms.
9. He says he does not know what he wants. If he does not know what he wants, it means he does not know what he has got. You cannot make someone want something if they do not know what they want. ‘Convincing’ them won’t work either – those who do not know what they want suffer from a very flip-floppy mood!
10. You are in a friends with benefits relationship. FWBs work for 99.99% of men and for 0.01% of women. The longer it goes on, the worse (and worthless) you feel.
11. It is not progressing and he won’t talk about the future. He wants to live in the ‘here’ and ‘now’.
12. He is a very busy man. He has time for everything and everyone (read: important to him) except of you. And the reason is??... You are #100 on his priorities list. (#100 = unimportant)
13. After being together for 2+ years he keeps saying he is still not ready for commitment. Look, he either wants to be with you or he does not. I once dated a man for 7 years(!!) who was ‘not ready’ and who needed ‘more time to figure things out’. After a long 7 years I finally dumped his sorry *ss . Lo and behold - he got married to someone else within 6 months! Have you heard of such stories before? Do not be a victim, and do not wait forever!
14. You are ‘the other woman’. ‘The other woman' = ‘a supplement’. He is probably getting 90% from his ‘main woman’ and 10% of what is missing from you. Yep, you are a supplement. If he wanted to make you his ‘main woman’ – The Only One And One Only – it would have happened by now. Trust me on this.
15. Every time you attempt to break up or to move on with someone else he acts like he ‘cares and does not want to lose you’. The minute you get back together he reverts back to the kind of a jerk he has always been.
16. He may call, text, and come across as interested. When you respond he either does not respond back or takes weeks to respond. No, he is not busy, and he did not forget you, he is just NOT that interested.
17. He is full of excuses. ‘I need a better job’, ‘It is not the right time’, ‘why rush things?’ etc. As I like to say: when a man wants something - he is looking for opportunities, when he does NOT want something – he is looking for excuses. Makes sense?
18. He will not communicate with you on a regular basis. The contact is very patchy and sporadic. Because of this you are obsessed with checking your phone. You are either hoping to hear from him or are afraid to miss an important call. What a nightmare to be in!
19. Your dates are mostly last minute dates. He does not put you on his calendar and does not like planning in advance.
20. When you are broken up he makes attempts to weasel his sneaky *ss back into your life. He was using you for something and he wants it to continue. If you respond, he knows you are still ‘hooked’ and he has power over you.
If you have ever been in a healthy, equally reciprocal, relationship before, then you will absolutely agree that the above signs have no place in such relationships. Fears, obsessions, second-guessing, pain and frustrations are signs that something is very wrong.
When someone is interested and is serious about having a relationship with you – it is very clear. When they are not interested – it is also clear (except that some of us refuse to see it).
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - How to spot Mr. Unavailable, and Is it possible to hate someone you used to love? or my empowering eBook - When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself.