He keeps breaking up – making up with me. What should I do?
“He keeps breaking up with me” – writes Lori from MI – “what should I do? I am so tired of this breaking up – making up cycle!”
Before we go on talking about what you should NOT do, instead, let us dive into the sneaky head of his and figure out why he is doing it.
Are you in a yo-yo relationship with a man who keeps breaking up, and then making up with you non-stop? Are you conflicted about his behavior and are not sure how to stop the nonsense?
There are 2 reasons why he does it:
1. He has no respect for you, and
2. He is 10000% confident you are not going anywhere.
So, ladies, here we have it. The puzzle is solved.
Let’s dive into the details and analysis.
You see, a man who respects a woman and is afraid of losing her forever won’t ‘just’ break up with her on the fly, especially many times in a row. Self-respecting women either move on after a breakup or do all they can to prevent the next breakup (should they get back together).
For these women, yo-yo-ing is just something that does not sit with them very well. They are allergic to see-saw games, multiple hello-s and good-buy-s, and helpless waiting for a man to decide on the fate of the relationship.
“Screw him” - they say. “I am not a toy on demand – to play one day and then toss away the next!”
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The man you are dating is not stupid. He has probably broken some of your boundaries already and is in the process of breaking some more. Why? He does it because he wants to know how far he can push the envelope. He wants to know what is allowed and what is not allowed in the relationship with you. Got it?
So, when you take him back (even if only once) after a breakup without much of a resistance on your end, to him it will be a strong signal of what will be allowed in the future.
“Aha” – he reasons – “this chick is hooked on me big time. She is not going anywhere, he-he…”
Taking them back over and over again invites mistreatment and disrespect. As soon as they know you are not going anywhere, you may want to kiss your romantic relationship a big fat good bye.
The remedy here is very simple yet uncomfortable at the same time. Unfortunately, this is the only way to stop this destructive and hurtful pattern. They need to learn the consequences of their erratic behavior!
So, here is how you do it: next time, when they break up with you on a whim – do not take them back. Period.
THAT will catch them off guard big time!
I have seen it happening more than once and let me tell you this: the results were AMAZING.
It is like watching a movie! Be that part of that movie and do not take them back. I say, for once, put your pretty foot down and refuse to take them back and then… sit and watch.
A full flagged entertainment guaranteed!
I have seen it all:
~ undying proclamations of Eternal Love
~ roses, chocolates, and proposals
~ snarky attitudes replaced with a state of panic
~ confusion, tears, drunk-dialing, and begging ‘to talk’
~ pretense like they do not care… only to come crawling back with their tails between their legs
~ an utter state of dread
~ permanent disappearance (extremely rare)
Teach them a lesson and show them who you are. Take control of your relationship and do not take them back. Let them cry, yell, suffer from anxiety for days or weeks (or months?), curse themselves non-stop (omg, what have I done?! Did I lose her forever?), and having them fall into a depression.
Let them feel what they were putting you through all this time – that dreaded sense of REJECTION. Let them feel rejected, unworthy, and not needed… exactly like you felt after each breakup.
Sadly, they had the guts to break up with you multiple times which was making you feel unloved every time it happened. Well, girl, it is your turn now: do not take them back. Make them feel UNLOVED too!
Someone scrambling to get it all back at all costs is actually a pathetic show to watch. After weeks of trying with no success they will eventually become a shadow of the arrogant, self-righteous jerk they once were. They will be ready to take a seat at a negotiating table and to actually LISTEN and pay attention to what we have to say.
Wow, who would have thought, huh? A complete 180 degree turn!
Your willingness to finally break the silence will be met with prayers on shaky knees and tears of relief “Oh Dear Lord, thank you! Thank you so much for giving me another chance! I will never screw up like this again, I promise!”
At this time, they will be weak and flexible. It will be a good time to set up rules, expectations, and agree on promises. You will be in the driving seat!
Do it only once and I guarantee you it will never happen again. From this point forward they will be scared sh*tless to break up with you. Unless they are a fool who never learns, not a sane man would ever want to go through hell like this again. The more they were scared and felt hopeless, the more they were suffering and agonizing in pain, the more they will value you and their relationship with you!
We only need those who value us and our company. Anything less than that is a waste of time.
One more thing. I want you to stick to the ‘one chance’ rule here, meaning should they break up with you AGAIN, do not ever take them back. Ever.
Just ditch them. They are not for you.
Stop being treated like a disposable commodity. Perhaps it is them – not you - who ought to be disposed!
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