They may date you out of convenience. Spot the signs!
There are men out there who won’t mind wasting your (and actually their too) time by dating a woman out of convenience.
Some of them are so good at what they do that only time will reveal their true colors. I call these men ‘chameleons’.
Chameleons NEVER tell a woman the truth. Why would they? Look at this:
“Hello Darling, just so you know I find it very convenient to date you. You are super-accommodating, pay your own bills and for most of our dates, are crazy in love with me, never say 'no' to sex, and last but not least – I do not even have to move a finger to be in a relationship with you. You make it soooo EASY!”
This is exactly what I heard from a man talking about his ‘girlfriend’… behind her back.
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Chameleons can be extremely great. They have no problem playing a role of a boyfriend with a woman they have no intentions to marry. They may actually like her, but the bottom line is – they are not going to and will never marry her. They like her company, but it is as far as they will go.
How not to become a victim of a sneaky chameleon:
Here is the deal ladies. When a man is truly interested in a woman, he won’t mind riding a bumpy road as long as he sees the end of the tunnel. On the other hand, when a man does not like a woman that much, his endurance level will be next to zero.
~ Oh gee, she is playing hard to get. Never mind, plenty of other chicks to pursue. I am out of here!
~ Her schedule is too busy, not gonna work for me
By not making it too easy for them in the very beginning we are eliminating chameleons who are looking for an easy and convenient ride.
By making it super easy, comfortable, uncomplicated, and convenient for them in the very beginning we are risking to get a chameleon and a dead – end relationship – All In One – a super-kit that is on sale at 90% off.
There are plenty of dead-end relationships and miserable women out there trying to figure out what they are doing wrong.
~ I have been such a good girlfriend to him. Why won’t he marry me?
~ I have been treating him like gold. What else can I do to make him commit?
~ I do not get it. Everything between us is so great and I try to be as accommodating as I can, and yet he still won’t propose.
That’s because you are in a relationship of convenience. To you it is a Meaningful Relationship, to him – just a cozy convenience.
Signs they are dating you out of convenience:
~ they will respond to playful and flirty messages, but will ignore more serious ones (like “I have a sore throat”)
~ they never ask meaningful questions (like about your past dating experiences, past relationships or whether you have kids)
~ they keep it shallow and artificial. It is all ‘easy-breezy and carefree’
~ they won’t talk to you when you are upset. They would rather wait it out with whatever is bothering you. They do not want to be involved ‘on that level', if you know what I mean
~ talking about future plans makes them grim and silent. They may switch the subject immediately
~ there is no progress in the relationship
~ they prefer to talk about fun stuff and avoid meaningful, deep, heartfelt conversations
~ they won’t open up as much and seem to be always on guard
~ you are not their priority
~ they are not always available to you, but seem to be always available for other things and people
~ there is always this nagging feeling like you are not good enough for them
~ they are not interested in meeting your friends and never ask about them
~ they seem to be too self-absorbed while your focus is always on them. So annoying!
~ you may discover they talk to other women
Wow, that’s quite a laundry list!
Back to what I’ve said previously: stop being super accommodating, super understanding, super everything in the very beginning and sneaky chameleons won’t have a place in your life. Trying too hard in the beginning does not serve a good purpose. It only makes it too easy for predators to take what is given so freely.
Why give so much in the beginning? Are they the Master of The Universe? Some kind of authority to kowtow?
As an example, let’s talk about your and their schedule. It is OK to move things around on our calendar to make a date happen, however, it is not OK if the only person who always does it is you.
You, as an equal partner in a relationship, have the same amount of rights and privileges as the other person. The other person has to meet you half way, otherwise the relationship will not be balanced. Their schedule is not more important than yours. Their time, job, demanding boss, errands, vacation time, etc., are not more important than yours! It is 50x50 or else.
That ‘else’ means ‘too much inconvenience' for chameleons and not so interested men. When it is inconvenient they bolt. And guess what? It is a good thing! By being reasonably selfish and inflexible, a bit confrontational and maybe a bit difficult too weeds out men who are not truly interested in you.
I think it makes perfect sense.
But how about beta and passive males? Will your behavior scare them away?
No no and no! It is not about being a self-absorbed bitch, it is about not turning ourselves into a pretzel for a man we barely know. Remember, they are a total stranger! You both have equal rights and thus the relationship should start on healthy and balanced terms.
Are you making it so super EASY from the start that even the last loser on the planet would not mind taking on the deal? Are you offering a free ride that no one can refuse?
~ Are you driving to their place all the time?
Do not do it. Let them spend gas, be stuck in traffic, be inconvenienced, annoyed etc., and drive to your place too.
~ Are you cancelling your plans all the time to accommodate their requests to meet?
Unless they are willing to do the same for you, stop canceling.
~ Are you afraid to speak up out of fear they will dump you?
Do not be afraid to say it as it is. If you say nothing they will assume it is OK with you and will continue doing the exact same thing that gives you pain.
~ Are you trying to be ‘uncomplicated’ and sweep your needs under the rug?
Your needs are as important as theirs. Plus, having needs does not make you needy. You have needs, hello! Relationships are about meeting each other’s needs. If it is all about their needs, then why be in such a relationship in the first place? What’s in it for you? What do you have to gain by catering to some random stranger without getting anything in return? Are you some kind of charity?
Please remember, that it is never too late to expose a chameleon. If you suspect you are being used, start doing things that are aimed at re-balancing the relationship. The relationship will either improve (the sign they truly like you!) or will quickly run down the toilet. Remember, they do not like to be ‘inconvenienced’. Good riddance!
By making it easy for them we make it too difficult for us in the long term. By letting them go we lose nothing!
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