Things murky men say and what it actually means. A smooth talker alert!
Ever listened to their sweet nothings wishing they were true only to get disappointed later even though, deep down in your gut, you knew already that what they were saying was probably not what they meant and not what it actually was?
Smooth talkers are men who are addicted to BS-ing other people. Be it you or some other victim, the style is always the same.
Gliding across the surface, all sunny, happy, and oh so convincing, they avoid conflicts or confrontations of any kind. There are no rude words, no temper tantrums and of course no Drama.
If something goes wrong – it is all on you. It is all your fault. See how it works?
It is just the nature of the beast. Let it grow, and then face the consequences. Eventually, it will be you who will have no choice but a strong desire to make waves and bring up the whole BS thing to the surface.
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They will NOT like it and you will NOT get the results you want.
I say, recognize the type and behave accordingly. Be vigilant and never have any sort of expectations of these murky men!
**PHRASES MURKY MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEAN**
Let us go out sometime.
I like the first part of the sentence - ‘let us go out’. It makes sense to say it to a woman for someone who wants to go out with her for sure.
But, what does ‘sometime’ mean? There is no clarity, no commitment, not a single hint of where and when it will happen (if ever) which translates into this – not f-ing sure!
They speak in vague terms because that’s what they feel – they are not sure if they ever want to go out with you.
They stir the waters of the pond of the Truth. They are so good at it, cheezzz, you can barely see your own feet now! Paranoid and scared, you are afraid to take a step forward; the water is just too murky to navigate.
“Should I clarify on the sometime part? Why isn’t he saying anything more? Should I ask or should I wait? Where do I go from here???”
Here is the answer: there is no way to go anywhere from here. They never invited you to spend time with them.
A non-murky man who genuinely wants to spend time with a woman will sound definite enough without us wondering about what his words mean.
Here are simple, true, real-life examples. The degree of murkiness of any kind here is equal to zero.
~ Will you go out with me this Saturday night at around 6 pm?
~ Hey, let us go out tonight! I'll pick you up, just tell me where.
~ I would so love to spend more time with you! What does your calendar look like this Friday eve?
~ It was so lovely talking to you. Would you like to have a dinner with me after work? If not tonight, then when can you make it?
See the difference? Zero imagination needed to figure out what these phrases mean. They all mean one thing – you are invited and a man wants to see you for sure. Not maybe, not ‘sometime’, not ‘let’s see what happens’ etc. He wants to see you for sure, that's all.
So, what do you do when a murky man suggests something? Pin him down and press for something definite (like a day and time)
Cannot make it happen? Forget About Him.
Conclusion: “Let us go out sometime” means - - -> “I do not want to go out with you”
It is not you, it’s me.
At the first sign of danger chickens run for the hills. And, what do human-chickens do? They also run for the hills, but also say things like “it is not you, it is me” or “I feel like I need space”.
“It is not you, it’s me” is a chicken’s way of saying “Look, things are not working out, let’s split”.
You will know you date a weak chicken man when he beats around the bush, but never says directly what’s up.
Understandably, that’s leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation and unnecessary confusion on your end.
Since they want out, but are not sure how to say it, the rest of the dialog between you two and behavioral patterns will look and feel weird as well.
~ Oh, I was so sick, so sick the whole week, so I could not call. Sorry.
~ My work is so stressful right now. It may get better in a month or so, not sure. I do not have time for anything, really, so I cannot meet.
And then you feel like an idiot waiting, waiting and waiting, believing their bogus stories. They do look like it is ‘them’, not you, don’t they??
The sad reality is that they do not want to see you anymore. That’s it.
Conclusion: “It is not you, it’s me” means - - -> “I do not want to see you anymore”
I do not believe in marriage.
Unless very young and inexperienced, every single woman on this planet knows what it means. It means he does not want to marry!
Him not wanting to marry is bad enough for most marriage-minded women to break up.
Those who choose otherwise will be stuck wasting their time on making him change his mind.
For how long you are willing to be stuck will be up to you. It is your choice.
When we are stuck we know. Maybe not right away, but eventually we do. The trap is that realization of being stuck and so much time wasted will make us continue with the process even harder because, after all, let’s face it - we do not want to feel like a loser.
If there is a game with no winners, then this would be it. Despite all the energy wasted, both positions will remain unchanged: just like they never wanted to get married and it never changed, you – on the other hand - have always wanted to get married and it has not changed either. So much for waiting...
Both of you have been stuck with your own Truth.
I say, for the sake of your own protection, recognize their Truth and get out.
Conclusion: “I do not believe in marriage” means - - ->” I do not want to marry you”.
I do not want to talk about it right now.
Bring it up one month later to check if they are for real. If not, then they are a smooth talker and their ‘right now’ means ‘never’.
Because they are in need of sex, love, attention, adoration, an ego massage, money, free therapy sessions, reassurance and caring for them when even mildly sick, saying ‘never’ would mean suicide to all of those things.
And, because they are not stupid, they play with words to avoid direct confrontation and a possible breakup.
~ I cannot talk about it right now, can we do it later sometime (again, here is that favorite word of smooth talkers – “sometime”)
~ Do we need to talk about it right this minute? I am in the middle of something, can’t you see that? (they hope you feel guilty and back off)
~ My brain is full of crap, so I cannot talk now. Let’s do it later, dear. (don’t we feel less angry when they refer to us as ‘dear’? Less angry means less desire to drill them on some bothersome stuff. So, we digress)
Stop pressuring them into talking about something they do not want to talk about. They will either never talk about it or will talk when they are ready. You cannot make them. Stop being so controlling.
Conclusion: “I do not want to talk about it right now” means - - ->” I will never want to talk about it” OR (a big maybe) - - -> “I may talk about it when I feel like it”.
I miss you so much. I want you back!
Be afraid, be very afraid when your ex says this. Honestly, I would rather have a root canal than hear these words from someone toxic I am trying to get over.
I wrote several articles dedicated to this issue. You can read more about it here and here.
So, here is the deal: every time your ex contacts you and says a sentence that starts with an ‘I’ it means that there is a hidden agenda.
Here, he called and said the ‘I’ twice –‘I’ miss you and ‘I’ want you back.
There is also a word ‘you’ in it which should be replaced with all the goodies (like sex, love, an ego massage etc) he was receiving for free while in the relationship with you.
After completing this little exercise here is what we have:
I miss you - - -> I miss sex, love, attention, adoration, an ego massage, money, free therapy sessions, reassurance, you taking care of me when even mildly sick, you doing my laundry, last minute hook ups, homemade hot meals, a free baby sitter, personal driver to the airport at 4 am, and your nurturing care.
Or in short: I miss my goodies!
I want you back - - -> I want sex, love, attention, adoration, an ego massage, money, free therapy sessions, reassurance, you taking care of me when even mildly sick, you doing my laundry, last minute hook ups, homemade hot meals, a free baby sitter, personal driver to the airport at 4 am, and your nurturing care back
Or in short: I want my goodies back!
They do not want you for you. They want what they were getting from you!
How do I know?
Because anything that begins with the word ‘I’ implies selfishness and self interest.
If they really wanted you, they would use ‘we’ and ‘us’ a lot.
Example: Sorry it did not work out between us, would you like to try again? We could do couples counseling or perhaps we could meet to discuss what went wrong between us.
Notice how they do not state what THEY want. They suggest something for the BOTH OF YOU. That’s when you know they are for real. That’s when you know that there is a chance.
Conclusion: “I miss you so much” means - - ->” I miss my goodies so much” and “I want you back” means - - - > “I want my goodies back”.
Have you ever heard a guy saying something confusing? Just drop me a line and we will decode it here for everybody to know! No more murky stuff, ladies. No more murky stuff!
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Gaslighting as a subtle form of emotional abuse and The Narcissist - when it is his way or the highway or if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.