Men who stay on dating websites for years explained
There are some men out there who stay on dating websites for years. It seems like they are always searching, always dating, always shopping, but never seem to find anyone to settle down with.
After talking to quite a lot of them I think I know now what is going on. Not like it is terribly bad news for you ladies, but at least when someone like this ghosts on you, it won’t feel as bad.
I believe that every person is like a book. Title aside, it is what's inside that is fascinating… or boring. But, in order to find out about it, one has to take their time to read. Reading a book takes commitment, dedication, time, curiosity and desire.
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There is a reason books have pages. And a lot of them. Every book has its own unique story, characters, and an intriguing plot. It takes dedication to finish a book to get a complete idea of what the book is all about.
If you are a book, then you have a story to tell. Physiologists agree that it takes at least 8 months to get to know someone. Eight months!
Now, let’s talk about flashy and exciting magazines. You know, the ones with bright covers, a bunch of photos inside and short cute but totally meaningless articles. Daily, weekly, and monthly issues of magazines rarely to almost never leave a lasting impact. A magazine is just a magazine, a flavor of the day.
It does not take commitment to read a magazine. It is just flipping pages here and there during a lunch break, in a bathroom, or while waiting to board a delayed flight. Well, you get the idea.
These bored to death, disappointed, and depressed long-term online daters come to a shop of books and magazines (aka dating website) to get themselves excited. They scan through shelves of stuff (aka female’s profiles) and pick guess what? – a flashy magazine with an explosive title!
Here we are! If it was you they picked, then my sincere congratulations on fantastic looking photos and standing out from the crowd. The only drawback is? You were just a magazine. Blah.
They may not be aware of their ways, but the attitude you get will be the one of people handling magazines. First they get excited by the bright cover. They may even spend a whooping 2 minutes salivating over its looks. Then they scan through last celebrity gossip, latest trends, new car models, death of politicians, weather forecast, a horoscope page and a ‘coming soon’ section. The whole thing lasts maybe like 1 hour TOP. Not even one day!
You are a magazine-woman if all they are excited about is the idea of being excited while being with you. Sort of convoluted, but I hope you know what I mean. As long as they are excited, they will keep their magazine. They are not interested in anything negative - like nagging or having a ‘talk’. That’s not why they bought the magazine for, remember?
You are a magazine woman if there is no commitment in getting to know you, when your time is not valued, when they do not ask meaningful questions, when it is all about having a good time, when there is no patience in resolving of conflict, when there are periodic disappearances, no meaningful conversations or quality time together. It is all shallow and on the surface. It is all about THEM having a good time.
Perhaps they do not know any better, are lazy, or simply are not willing to take an effort to ‘read books’.
Reading a book takes time.
You know you are a book - woman when they take their time to get to know you, when your time is valued, when you have meaningful conversations, when they ask deep questions and share intimate thoughts with you. You are a book-woman when they commit to spending quality time together, are curious about your life, want to know ‘more’, cannot wait to see you, are respectful and apologetic when needed.
When you are a book-woman (vs. a magazine one) every day is a new day, a new discovery, and that new little something about you they find cute and adoring. They value and enjoy your presence! Notice how that mediocre cover of yours did not stop them. That’s because smart people know that books should not be judged by their covers.
Of course, none of that happens when you are just a flashy magazine. There is no patience, no time, no desire, and no curiosity to learn more.
That is why flashy magazines are so exciting one day, but forgotten the next.
When there is no investment there is no sense of attachment and therefore no sense of loss.
The men who stay on dating websites for years treat online dating as an entertaining duty free magazine shop. Brightly colored covers along with head spinning headlines is what they are after. Once the flavor of the day becomes too insipid they are on to the next. It is always about the next new magazine, the next new celebrity gossip, the next shocking whatever. This ‘new next’ thing alleviates their depression, boredom, and helps with the lack of sex.
And, since it is a duty free shop they pay no tax (read – have no consequences). It is the woman-magazine who pays. She pays with her lost time, anxiety, frustration, shattered trust in men, anger, pain, disappointment, diminished self-esteem, and bruised ego.
It is the woman who is left in the dust wondering what the hell she did wrong this time to scare another seemingly excited about her man.
“He was soooo excited! Where did he go??”
Here is something for you to remember: you did nothing wrong. You simply became a victim of a ‘type’ who is not into taking their time to learn and discover on a deeper level. They have attention span of a humming bird! I call them 'adrenaline junkie'.
Magazines are forgotten and books are remembered. Magazines are discarded into a recycle bin and books are kept on book shelves. Unlike flashy magazines, books leave lasting impact… it is for those who are willing to take their time to read.
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