Men with a ‘buffet’ mentality
In case you do not know – a buffet is a type of restaurant where you get to enjoy a lot of food for one single price. Just like you browse through rows sampling and trying a variety of dishes, men with a ‘buffet’ mentality browse, sample, and enjoy a variety of women. The only difference is that he gets to enjoy the experience and you are the one who pays the price.
Because men with a ‘buffet’ mentality want it all and cannot control their appetite, they always want more and they always date multiple women at the same time.
They think they are smarter than everybody else and therefore sampling and trying multiple women is OK as long as no one knows. This kind of thinking stems from the perspective of a male’s logic which is totally flawed in this case. Yes, males think with their heads and sometimes hearts, but females think with their heads, hearts, AND INTUITION. The last one is especially a powerful one. It was given to us by the Mother Nature to smell a fish. If it smells like a fish, behaves like a fish, then it IS a fish. Time to opt out from his menu!
Sometimes, when we are not vigilant enough or feeling needier than we should, we choose to ignore our intuition. It is especially true when we are crazy about the man or feel like there is ‘potential’. It is absolutely understandable and I can certainly relate, but come on ladies, when it comes to matters of the heart, we should not be dismissing our intuition. As a matter of fact, we should be listening to it at all times. Not his words, not his promises, and not his whatever, but our own precious intuition.
My experience shows that those of us who felt like there was something wrong were 99.99% right. Those feelings do not come out of the blue, there is always ‘something’ there to tell us.
Listed below are the signs that you are a part of his menu. These are the painful signs you are probably way too familiar with, but for whatever reason, have chosen to ignore. I say, if you are one of those women, pull the plug and remove yourself from the list. Put up a ‘discontinued’ sign and let him deal with it.
To tell you the truth, he may not even notice… it is a buffet, remember? Lots of choices, lots of possibilities, plenty of appetizers, main courses, and desserts. And he thinks he is entitled to it all.
Appetizer is a small, quickly prepared dish we choose to eat before our main course or to have it on its own when we are not THAT hungry. We do not put much expectations on appetizers because we know it is casual and it is not a ‘main meal’. Should it come out wrong or taste like ‘meh’ we probably wouldn't be terribly upset. Plus, appetizers are not that expensive, at least much cheaper than a ’main meal’.
If he ‘samples’ you every Tuesday night and perhaps some other random days in between during the month then you are his appetizer-woman. He knows it is casual (and you probably do, too) and he gets to enjoy his time. Since he never knows what his appetite will be like tomorrow, you never know when you will meet next time. Randomly ordered appetizers do not define our eating experience (especially if there is a main course coming) and therefore do not require much of special and regular attention.
He will have you when he is ‘a little bit hungry’ or when a main course is coming. In the end of the day, after everything is over and he is gone, it will be YOU who is left hungry. Hungry and disappointed... craving for more attention and love.
Main course woman
If you think that a ‘main course’ woman has a higher priority and gets a preferential treatment over an ‘appetizer’ one then think again – of all the choices of main courses available would you keep ordering the same one over and over again? Really? What makes you think that he would? He is a buffet man with a lot of options. Since he knows what to say and how to go about it, he will have no issues with getting ladies to provide him with a ‘main course’ experience. As long as they do not know about each other, you know…
‘I thought he was serious until one day, when I discovered he has a girlfriend’
‘I just discovered he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend. If they are still seeing each other, then who am I to him?’
Here is the answer: he is a man with a ‘buffet’ mentality and he enjoys you both. Do not ask him to choose. He won’t agree to the same meal every day.
Ahhh desserts, desserts… our guilty pleasure. Lots of calories, little nutrition, and a pleasure combined with guilt. Don’t we love - hate them, ladies?? We resort to desserts to satisfy our cravings and to fix our blues. One thing is clear however – we cannot just go on and on eating them, there will surely be consequences: weight gain, health issues, and other problems.
You are his ‘guilty pleasure dessert’ woman if he knows (and you do, too) that he should not be dating you (but he still does). He does it to satisfy his cravings (usually due to a lack of sex in a main relationship) and to fix his periodical blues (to get some extra ego boost on the side). In other words, rather than ditching his unhappy relationship and finding something better, he goes outside and finds a ‘dessert’ to satisfy his needs. If the cravings are strong enough, he may even have several desserts to enjoy, who knows…
‘I am involved with a married man… he says that he loves me, but every time when we meet it is always about sex. We never go out anywhere and never do anything special. Will it ever turn into something more?? Should I believe him? Will he leave his wife?’
Again, the answer here is simple: his primary relationship satisfies 90% of his needs and you are just a substitute. 90% of what he gets from his main relationship + 10% on the side =100%. That’s a 100% perfectly satisfied man! See how it works?
Since you are his dessert woman he cannot have ‘too much’ of you. Overdosing on you will have undesirable consequences. We cannot eat too much of dessert. Overeating will poorly reflect on our health and looks and in the case of relationships - will have dire consequences (attachment, scandals, breakups, loss of reputation, and divorce).
I say ladies, in the end of the day, take a hard look at your relationship and the man you are with and answer these questions honestly: do you think it is ‘casual’? Do you always feel hungry after your dates? Do you feel like he is giving only 10% of what he could give? Is he always busy (sampling others)?
If you are still confused and not sure what to think, then here is the grand-finale question that should clarify it all: does he behave like your boyfriend or your future husband? No? Then what are you doing with him??
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