Dating a married man
If you are involved with a married man and in need of encouragement to leave the relationship, then you are in the right place.
It is easy to judge someone without knowing the whole picture.
Perhaps he was lying to you about his status, and by the time you found out you were already in love. Perhaps he was going through final stages of divorce and you truly believed he was about to become a single man... until the divorce never got finalized or even worse - there was no divorce in the first place.
Some men blatantly lie about their status. It is a statistical fact that 30% of single men on the dating sites are actually married. These men are dangerous heart breakers, and getting involved with them is like stepping into a swamp or a sinkhole - once you are there, the only thing that can pull you out is your own strong will and encouragement of others.
You see, married men know that in terms of selection of women, they do not have options like single guys do. They also know, that their 'married' status is a deal-breaker for 99.9% of women. They are praying for that 1% of women to satisfy their selfish needs... to satisfy their needs with someone they, deep down, have no respect for.
"Why would she want to get involved with a married man if there are plenty of single guys out there? Is there something wrong with her?"
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Let's admit it, the only and only reason you are with him is because you believe that he will leave his wife for you. Now, these things DO happen but there is a very short time frame for this event to occur - the first 12 months since he has met you. Once one year has passed by and he is still feeding you with promises and excuses you may want to face the reality - he is not going to leave his wife for you.
Why 12 months - you ask? Because once the initial excitement of a new relationship wears off he becomes less motivated to make a change. It is the very first 12 months that his feelings for you are strongest, and if during this critical period of time he was unable (unwilling?) to make a move, then he would be even less inclined to do so later. In other words, dating a married man and hoping he will leave his wife is like betting on winning a mega-million lottery - chances are not equal to zero, but the odds are pretty much against you. Why would you want to stay in a relationship that has little to no chance of working out?
It is not easy for a married man to leave his wife, even if he has no feelings for her, he is still tied up with other commitments and financial obligations: mortgage, joint accounts, school district for his kids, common friends, in-laws, etc. Divorcing his wife could also mean loss of reputation and career, loss of a stable and comfortable life style, loss of assets, plus being burdened with a spouse and child support.
So what? - you say - other men divorce their wives and have no problem going through all this hassle. You are right! But in your particular situation it looks like your married man does not think you are worth going through all those hassles to be with you.
To make matters worse - you will never hear him saying these words. His heartfelt confession would mean killing your hopes and losing you for good, and since it is not in his selfish plans, the only option he has left is to lie.
Once it has become clear that he is not going to leave his wife, ask yourself this question - 'what's in it for me?'
Rest assured he is doing pretty well now - he has 2 women who love and take care of him, his emotional and physical needs are satisfied and therefore he is not motivated to change anything.
One thing is clear is that this man has zero consideration for your feelings and no, he is not your friend! If he were to REALLY care about you, he would either make things happen between you two, or let you go to meet someone else to have a satisfying relationship with.
In case he has a daughter, just as an eye-opening test, ask him if his daughter were to end up in such a situation WOULD HE FIND IT ACCEPTABLE? Watch him explode or get angry. This is your sign, ladies! What he is doing to you he finds unacceptable for this to happen to his daughter! And do you know what it means? It means that deep down he has no respect for you. He sees you as a desperate woman who is 'OK with receiving crumbs'.
He knows he cannot take you out freely or show you off in the open, and your willingness to put up with this shows lack of your own self-worth, self-value, and self-esteem. And once he knows this, do not expect him to treat you differently. If you think that all you deserve is receiving crumbs, then crumbs will be all you will receive.
It is up to you to leave this swampy relationship. He will not leave, he is where he wants to be. You are the one who is the victim here, and seeing things clearly should be a great motivator to feel disgusted enough to leave this lying and selfish man for good.
He will be just fine, believe me. Staying with this man would mean ignoring the ugly truth and lying to yourself. Receiving crumbs is not an option anymore, you are the one here who is to take charge of your own destiny and move forward with your life. HE WILL NOT DO IT FOR YOU!
P.S. if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE : Articles - Breaking up with a married man, Unrequited love: are you their enabler? and When it is time to leave a relationship and we don't or my popular eBook: Infidelity - how to get rid of his mistress. There is a chapter in it where I represent your interests. Just take a sneak peek. It is based on an anonymous poll of cheating or looking to cheat boyfriends and husbands.