Breaking up with a married man
Let us admit that being ‘the other woman’ – even though you love him and he loves you - is very depressing. No matter how you slice and dice it, no matter how you twist it or justify it, the final byproduct of this whole thing is the chronic feeling of rejection.
Women who are involved with married men state that they cannot leave their man because:
~ they are afraid to be alone
~ they are afraid they won’t find anybody better than their current married friend
~ they are afraid of post breakup pain and /or falling into a depression
To these women I say: you are alone already; you are already in pain and depressed, and a non-married man is better than a married one. And here is a sobering thought: if he is capable of cheating he may do the same to you too (in case you end up being together).
In case you end up being together there will always be this nagging paranoia on your end of him cheating on you. Deep down, you will never forget what he did to his previous woman – the woman he had the guts to marry. She was pretty darn important to him at that time and yet, he still managed to stray.
We may never know what happened between those two, all we know is that he has this tendency of looking outside of his relationship to solve his problems. He does not know how to openly communicate his issues (and get them resolved) with his main partner.
Do you want this kind of a man? Would you be able to trust him 100%?
Just like not every woman will date a married man, not every married man /boyfriend will cheat on his main woman. A married man /boyfriend who cheats is just the type that needs fixing… just like you, who needs professional help, too. Plus, he seems like he is the kind of a guy who is OK with having two women at a time. Think about it.
Yep, lots of bad news…
The good news is that YOU can end it all. You can end it all TODAY. If you are serious about leaving, then the best and the easiest thing you could do at this time is shifting your hyper-focus from him onto you. Since it has been all about him – his needs, his schedule, his moody wife and his cancellations - you may have forgotten what it is like to be in a relationship where your needs, your schedule, and your mood matter too. It has always been about him, hasn't it??
That is why this kind of relationship stinks. Giving without getting back or putting life on hold and ultimately missing out on other chances is a definite recipe for disaster.
Outlined below are the ‘exit’ strategy points you could start incorporating TODAY.
1. Switch your focus from him onto YOU. Think about your needs and what kind of a relationship you want. He neither meets your needs fully nor provides you with a relationship you want, which tells me how badly you have been neglecting your own self. Switch to the me-me-me mode and start thinking what you need to achieve your goal: breaking up –> healing –> dating someone better.
2. Be prepared that he may contact you after a breakup. Here is how to handle this. Start a diary or create notes about how this miserable relationship makes you feel. Even though you had happy times, I bet 99% of the time you were still unhappy. Go wild writing about your pain, frustrations, unmet expectations, neglect, confusion, sleepless nights, his flaky behavior, broken promises, tears etc. Make sure to bring up examples of painful dialogs and his lies as well. Make it all colorful, emotional, and intense.
Next time when he calls, grab that diary and start reading. It will remind you of how badly it felt when you were in a relationship with him. Hopefully, after reading all this your desire to call back will evaporate.
Seriously, who needs more of that cr*p? Not you. Not anymore.
3. Change your routine. Replace those unique times when you were seeing each other or talked on the phone with pleasant activities. There should be something else, besides him, that brings you pleasure. What is it? If you have no idea then think. Think now so you will not feel lost after a breakup.
4. Accept that it will be very uncomfortable/painful at first. Breakups signify change. There is no such a thing as a ‘pleasant breakup’. Think of this discomfort as something temporary because no single emotion lasts forever. It will get easier over time. Just keep reminding yourself that you are leaving something unhealthy. Months or years later you will be super glad you did it. There will be no regrets.
5. Do not date others ‘to forget him’. You won’t forget him by dating others because on an unconscious level you will be comparing them all to him. It will be a torture! Do not do it to yourself. Let some time pass, accept the loss, and regain some emotional balance. Be kind to yourself – give yourself time to heal.
6. Should you feel like you are falling into a depression or your life is falling apart – see a therapist. It could be one of those times when you need to be pulled out of the fog very quickly before it gets really bad or goes out of control. Therapists are people who were trained to deal with such issues. You are not going to let your life fall apart because of some married man. Let the specialist help you. Again, it is all about YOU and your post-breakup comfort. Do everything you can to minimize or alleviate the discomfort.
7. Do not suffer in silence. Talk to your family and friends. They will absolutely support your decision. Go along with their ideas about going places or doing things. Let spending time with them be a great reminder of how enjoyable life can be. It is not always about that married man, you know.
P.S. if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - When you are the other woman and What to say when breaking up with a married man or my popular e-Book Infidelity - How To Get Rid Of His Mistress. This book will help you to understand why men cheat and what YOU represent to him as a mistress. It is a great eye opener and you will not be disappointed. ** This book is based on an anonymous poll of cheating or looking to cheat boyfriends and husbands. Consider this: none of the polled men said they were looking for love **