The Woman You Keep Forgetting to Impress

For a phrase made of only two words, the one has kept women far busier than seems reasonable.

Is he the one? Are you the one for him? Does he know you are the one? Will he realize it eventually, preferably before you have spent three years listening to him say he is “seeing where this goes”?

Meanwhile, women become wonderfully good at being the one everybody else can count on—the comforting one, the thoughtful one, the one who remembers birthdays, forgives bad moods and somehow has tissues in her handbag—while quietly giving themselves whatever kindness happens to be left over.

Which is a rather curious little arrangement. See if any of these sound familiar.

One Cool Text and Suddenly the Dress Feels Wrong

You can leave the house feeling fabulous. The dress is perfect, the hair behaved, the lipstick has done exactly what expensive lipstick is supposed to do, and for once everything has come together without a minor emergency involving an earring.

Then Sir sends something slightly cool and, within minutes, you begin looking at the whole evening differently. Perhaps the dress was too much. Perhaps you talked too much. Perhaps that story about your vacation went on longer than anyone deserved.

Five minutes ago you were gorgeous. Now a man who typed sounds good has somehow made the earrings feel questionable.

Women are very talented this way.

An Evening With Yourself Somehow Becomes “Nothing”

Dinner with Sir is a plan, cocktails with girlfriends are a plan, and tickets to something are definitely a plan. But when someone asks what you are doing tonight and the answer is simply spending the evening with yourself, out comes, Oh, nothing.

A little unfair, really.

You may have ordered something delicious, poured a glass of wine, put on the softest pajamas known to mankind and settled onto the sofa with every cushion exactly where you like it, yet somehow the evening is still described as though nothing especially lovely is happening.

Which seems odd, considering you are there.

The Lovely Things Keep Waiting for Somebody Else

Women can own beautiful things for years and behave as though they are keeping them safe for future guests.

The good glasses stay in the cabinet, the expensive candle remains pristine, the perfume you love is saved for evenings involving reservations, and the lovely dress waits patiently for somewhere worthy to take it.

Then somebody is coming over and suddenly all the nice things remember they exist. Flowers appear, the candle is lit, the linen napkins finally come out, and the whole evening gets a little prettier.

It does make one wonder why the woman who chose all these lovely things does not get to enjoy them more often.

After all, she paid for them.

Your Wants Keep Arriving Wrapped in Tissue Paper

You would like more time with Sir, more affection, a little clarity, perhaps even an actual plan for the weekend that does not begin with I’ll let you know.

Perfectly ordinary wishes.

Yet somewhere between wanting them and saying them aloud, they become very delicate. You do not want to pressure him. You completely understand. You are flexible. You are easygoing. Really, whatever works.

By the end of the conversation, your perfectly reasonable wish has been wrapped in tissue paper, tied with ribbon and tucked away so neatly that even you may have forgotten what was inside.

Everybody Else Gets the Sweet Version of You

Your girlfriend is exhausted, so naturally she should rest. Sir has had a dreadful week, so of course he needs space. Someone you love makes a mistake and you can usually find a very kind explanation for it because, darling, people are human.

Then you make one mildly questionable decision and a completely different woman appears.

She remembers the awkward thing you said over dinner, the money you should not have spent and the photograph taken from an angle no woman has ever requested. She can bring up a mistake from six years ago as though it happened before lunch.

Meanwhile, everybody else is getting patience, softness and the kindest possible version of events, while you somehow end up with the woman who has the sharpest memory.

You Keep Asking for a Second Opinion on Something You Already Know

Something Sir says leaves you with that little feeling that all is not quite right. You know it before you have even put your lipstick back in your handbag.

And yet, a few hours later, you are telling the whole story to a girlfriend. Then perhaps another girlfriend, just in case the first one was feeling unusually sensible.

Was it strange? Did he mean it that way? Are you making too much of it?

By the end, three women have been consulted about a feeling you understood perfectly well before dessert.

• • •

And perhaps that is the funny little thing about spending so much time wondering whether you are the one for somebody else.

Sir may adore you. He may not. He may become the love of your life or simply a very attractive chapter you once had a marvelous time reading.

Either way, one woman keeps turning up through all of it.

She has survived the lovely dates, the terrible dates, the regrettable bangs and at least one man your girlfriends were far too polite about.

Perhaps the one was never only the man everyone kept asking about.

One of her has been here all along.