Be The One For You!
Sometimes, when we want something bad, are afraid of losing it, or are worried that our one single wrong move may destroy our chances, we may FORGET what it's like to love ourselves in the process.
The minute we stop loving ourselves is usually the moment when that someone or something starts taking priority over us and our own needs.
As a result, we become second (or third) in the line and our self-love, self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem suffer.
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Being downplayed like this is NOT the way to succeed in life; acting with self-love is.
Once you start acting with love and respect towards yourself, you will easily recognize those who do not, and so they will have no place in your life.
May this Self-Love list be your inspirational reminder of what it is like to be The One for YOU!
1. If being in a relationship with someone means catering to their needs only, then you do not want to be in such a relationship.
2. Transformation from No Self-Love to Self-Love does not happen overnight. It is the doing little things everyday that eventually makes the difference.
3. If deep inside you are not happy then no relationship will make you happy. You will be looking up to them to make you happy. It is called co-dependence. Plus, it is not their job to make you happy.
4. Do not be in a relationship where you are forced to compromise your boundaries and standards just for the sake of staying in or keeping that relationship. In a long run it will not work out well - you will end up being depleted, angry, and miserable. Trust me on this!
5. If they do not want you - stop trying harder. Simply respect their wish and move on. Wouldn’t you want the same in return if the circumstances were reversed?
6. It is you and you only who is responsible for what happens in your relationships. Are you a pleaser? Do you think they are taking advantage of you? Are you a giver who gets constantly milked? If so, then recognize these behaviors and stop doing what you are doing. They won’t change their ways, and you need to protect yourself.
7. Quite often it is our fears of rejection and abandonment that dictate what we think, feel, and do. If you are suffering from fear of rejection or even worse – if you put an equal sign between their rejection and your own self-worth then you need to address these fears.
8. Do you have certain believes, thoughts, and feelings about the opposite sex, love, and relationships? Are they real? Do they have any reasonable grounds to exist AND to negatively interfere with your love life? Unless you are stuck in a pattern, there is no way to believe that your negative past will repeat itself in the future.
Do not let that negative baggage kill your next lucky chance. Besides, they are just another person. Why should they pay for what your previous partners did to you?
9. Learn to trust your intuition. If your gut says that something is wrong, then something IS wrong. We cannot always put our finger on it, but in my experience subtle/vague negative signs along with uneasy feelings are something we should always pay attention to and never ignore.
10. Set your boundaries otherwise you will be taken advantage of. Decide what you can and cannot tolerate, what you will and will not accept, and stick with it. Let this healthy range be your guide; this way you will not end up in a miserable situation.
11. Do not negotiate or compromise your boundaries and standards. Doing so will mean two things 1) putting them first 2) going against yourself. You will not last like this too long, believe me.
12. Dating with no standards is like traveling without a map. If you do not take control over where you are going and with whom, you will end up moving in an unknown direction with a random stranger by your side. Do you want to take that chance?
13. Are you a victim of a pattern? If all of your relationships begin and end in the same manner, if all of your past boyfriends were treating you ‘the same’ then yes, you are stuck in a pattern. You cannot keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results.
As Albert Einstein pointed out: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
Patterns are hard to break, but if you want a different outcome then breaking them is a must. You will be SURPRISED how much better your love-life becomes.
14. The quality of your life and a sense of your well-being will greatly improve if you take control over your emotional reactions. In other words – you will be the one to choose how to react to the behavior of others.
Did he break his promise and forgot to call? You may want to let it go OR you may choose to hyper-ventilate over it for an entire day. Your choice.
15. Know your own value. Your opinion of yourself should not be based on what others say or think about you.
16. Do not waste your emotional energy on resisting something that is obvious. The sky won’t fall down if you humbly admit that it is not working out. It is just so much healthier to forget and move on than to keep fighting that endless losing battle. Don’t you agree?
17. Think of those times when you were successful with something. How were you acting and what your attitude was? What were you feeling at that time? Can this experience be applied to other areas of your life?
If you were successful (if only once) in the past, then you can surely be successful AGAIN. You already did something right back then so – learn from it!
18. Do not be afraid to speak up. I found that the best approach is to simply state directly what they said or did to upset you. No beating around the bush, no hinting, and no game playing please.
They may not get the hints, they may misinterpret them, they may ignore them as ‘something minor and insignificant’, or they may not understand what the hell you are talking about.
And, because of this fear,can you blame them then for not knowing EXACTLY what bothered you?
19. Learn to control your negative thoughts because if you don’t, they will control you. Two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time which means that it is UP TO YOU what kind of a thought occupies your brain at a given time.
Negative thoughts, unnecessary fears, and unfounded anxieties are nothing but toxic waste. When left ‘unsupervised’ they will poison your brain, destroy your mood, and bring havoc to your personal life.
All the kinds of ‘what if…’ and ‘but I am afraid that...’ are a waste of emotional energy. Learn to STOP those thoughts. After all, they are just thoughts!
20. Do not go out of your way to prove your significance or value. If they do not see what is in front of them, then they are the wrong person for you.
21. Do not be so hard on yourself. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Do not dwell on what you did wrong, simply learn from the experience and move on.
22. Make sure you have correct expectations. Expecting of others something they cannot give or cannot provide is a sure way to make yourself miserable.
23. Do not put all of your blame on others for everything bad that happens to you. Doing so implies that YOU have no control over your OWN happiness.
They are not responsible for your happiness, YOU ARE!
24. Even in the most happiest and compatible relationships people need their personal space and a ‘me time’. Stop freaking out every time when he does something without you. Healthy relationships do not imply being around each other 24/7.
25. When they treat you bad or say nasty things, instead of thinking what is wrong with you or what you did wrong think of a possibility of them being like this with other people. Actually, if they are a mean person, I can give you almost a 100% guarantee that they are treating others poorly as well, not just you.
26. Do not feel overwhelmed or scared of uncomfortable situations, think of what you should have done instead. Next time when it happens you will 1) handle it better 2) feel empowered and in control.
27. When one of your friends calls to talk about HER drama ask yourself: do I want to hear all that?? If it is time consuming and emotionally draining, then do not spend too much time on such calls.
Being a ‘yes’ person means subjecting yourself to an endless emotional garbage of other people. Learn to set limits!
28. Never ever think of yourself as ‘less than’. Having negative self-image is a suicide to your own self-love, confidence, and self-esteem. Do not belittle yourself and do not minimize your achievements; find a way to be proud of yourself, even if it’s something minor.
29. You are the boss, the director, the CFO, and the CEO of your own life.
30. Is there something you love to do? Something that feels comforting and therapeutic to your mind, heart, mood, and soul?
Set aside time to do what you love. This suggestion especially applies to those who are way too busy with their unhappy relationship constantly trying to make it work.
Seriously?? Don’t you have anything BETTER to do?
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31. Do not try to control everything and everyone. Controlling others is like telling them they are not capable or have poor judgment. You either trust them to do the right thing or you do not. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER if you shift focus onto yourself and let them do whatever the hell they want to do.
32. Simply come to peace with the thought that many things are out of your control. In other words - do not try to control the uncontrollable.
33. No matter what your emotions or libido tells you, try to keep it real and stay grounded on your both feet. Living in denial will invite pain into your life. Assess the situation for what it is and act accordingly.
34. Stay away from negative people. They put a negative spell on everything! You do not want to be around someone who sees negatives in everything you say or do.
35. Loving yourself feels COMFORTING and SECURE. You know what you love and what you don’t, what you accept and what you do not. In essence, you become a happy, satisfied person.
In addition, you won’t have ANY desire to go after someone or something that is not making you happy or isn’t satisfying your needs.
36. Having boundaries and standards means making decisions that sometimes go against your heart or libido. These could be painful and uncomfortable moments, but sticking to them is good in the long run.
37. Never assume anything. Building expectations on the basis of your own assumptions is even worse. Talk to them to make sure you are on the same page. That way you will know where you stand!
38. Do not make decisions based on fear otherwise you will end up in a wrong place with a wrong person. Fear makes us scared and desperate – two states of mind that should be used THE LEAST when deciding on something.
39. Sex and love are not the same and we all know it, right? If so, then why oh why so many of us give away our own precious, vulnerable bodies hoping to get love? It is not to say that you should not sleep until they say ‘I love you’, it is to keep your head cool and not to expect much.
40. Be YOU. Regardless of what your friends, co-workers, relatives tell you how to dress, how to look, what career to choose, how to raise your children, who to socialize with, what to like or what to wear – I say BE YOU. Pretending someone you are not will only make you lose touch with yourself.