There is nothing worse than being stuck in a dying relationship
There is nothing worse than sitting and waiting for them to call suspecting that your relationship is actually dying. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with a man who displays all signs of a waning interest.
Our anxiety skyrockets and the paranoia becomes unbearable. We feel paralyzed.
And, do you know what is the worst and most pathetic part in all of this? It is actually when they DO call.
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Remember those boring and pure vanilla conversations? The conversations where you were the one who was doing all the heavy lifting to keep them going because if not for those efforts, those pathetic conversations would die? The conversations during which they were unmoved, unemotional, unresponsive about no matter the existing news you shared? Or maybe they were like ‘Oh, really??’ or ‘ Ah-huh, Ok, I see’ i.e. acting like someone you COULDN’T EVEN RECOGNIZE ANYMORE because they sounded strange and used ‘new’ vocabulary? It is like they did a ‘mental plastic surgery’ without talking to you first or giving a warning.
The truth is that they did not call to chat, to hear your voice, or to say ‘I miss you’. They called to ‘check in’.
There are some types out there who won’t pull the plug when it is over. Instead, they will keep an old relationship running in the background as a backup plan while moving forward with their happy life.
It is pretty obvious why they do it:
~ they do it because they are not sure if breaking up with you would be a good thing. It would be especially true if you were a good, loyal, sweet, helpful, supporting girlfriend
~ they may be sleeping with someone else already, but are not sure how it all will play out in the long run. Therefore, the plan ‘B’ - YOU
~ they may not be dating or sleeping with anyone at a present moment, but are too scared to get out of their comfort zone and dump you. They do not want to experience uncomfortable feelings of a breakup or to feel lonely.
It really hurts when men do this. Our strong feelings for them won’t let us quit the relationship and so we choose to linger. Those of you who have been through this painful torture before know already that there is nothing we can do to change things. And, I agree, it is true.
Blatant and sudden rejection hurts, but it is the slow, gradual, passive-aggressive rejection that produces the most damage. Feeling rejected over a prolonged period of time is incredibly damaging to our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. No kidding, but these sort of rejections can cause long-term emotional damage.
~ in our next relationship we may not be able to respond adequately to our partner’s need for space. Any deviation from ‘togetherness’ on their part to do their own thing will be perceived as rejection
~ our poor self-image won’t let us trust as easily when real love happens.
Relationships die every day. I know it really hurts to be in a dying relationship, but it does not mean you have ‘to die’ too. It does not mean your loving heart should stop beating immediately and your dreams of happiness should go away. A dying relationship is not the end of it all, it is just the end of a chapter on your journey of life. It is just one chapter! Maybe a big one or maybe small, but it is still a chapter, NOT your whole life.
It is no secret that being in a dying relationship feels depressing and stressful. It is true also that there is nothing we can do to revive a dead horse. What we can do, however, is to pick up our stuff, face the unpleasant reality, and deal with it in a very constructive manner.
Here is how:
There are 2 kinds of stressors: the ones we can change or control and the ones we cannot change or control. As you have figured out by now, a dying relationship belongs to a stressor that we cannot change. It is a freaking dying relationship that was not meant to be. Besides, it destabilizes our mood constantly. I mean - CONSTANTLY. This kind of thing has to be dealt with and pretty quickly.
Unlike with stressors we can control, dealing with ones we cannot does not involve recognizing stress ’triggers’, developing coping and relaxation techniques or resorting to meditation.
Yes, these are good ways to reduce stress, but guess what? You are NOT STUCK in a stinky swamp called ‘indefinite stress from a dying relationship’ where mastering of all these techniques is required to stay alive. You are NOT required to do any of these because the only way to get rid of stress we cannot control is to AVOID it.
In this particular situation avoiding means shutting the door and putting it all behind you. That’s it. They are your annoying, undesirable, and toxic stressor that now you do not want to deal with. See my point? Time to hit a ‘flush’ or ‘eject’ button… which ever you prefer lol. YOU ARE NOT LOSING ANYTHING!
Once again, a dying relationship does not signify the end of your entire life. It signifies beginning of something NEW. Your relationship maybe dead but you are not. You are allowed to have NEW dreams, meet NEW people, to try NEW things, and to feel better for goodness sake!
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Be done with your dead-end relationship and Do not be afraid to break up! or in case you need extra-help you will love my empowering eBook - When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE - how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself. Push that relationship over the cliff AND feel good about it!