What not to do when he breaks up with you

Here is the thing: if he does not want you anymore, then no matter what you do (or do not do) won’t change his mind, which means that whatever you decide to do ‘to bring him back’ will be nothing but a waste of your energy and time.

Breakups are hurtful enough to go through, but trying to do ‘everything you can’ to bring them back will only add to the pain. It will feel like a double rejection. Trust me on this.

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You may reason that since you know why they left, you may try to talk to them to get it resolved. You are wrong and here is why: IT'S TOO LATE. Whatever the reason was, it had to last for a while to make them lose feelings and attraction for you. They may had no idea themselves what was happening until one day, when they decided they had enough and they were done.

When a breakup happens it is usually way too late to fix something. Their feelings have changed and more importantly they have already completed the detachment process. They were out way before they officially left. Their leaving today is just a final step of what they went through with you for months or perhaps even years. They are D.O.N.E.

As soon as you understand that, it should be much easier for you to get on with your life. They are done with you and you should be done with them also. See how easy and uncomplicated it is?

It shouldn’t be really that complicated until we make it so.

Making it complicated means denying reality and going against common sense. And, do you know what happens to those who go against common sense? That’s’ right, they get a bunch of nonsense in return. To those people I say - stop doing what is NOT working!

Here is what NOT to do when he breaks up with you. If you insist otherwise, then you will end up wasting your time, feeling double rejected and humiliated, and in some cases – used for sex, money and other things.

~ Do not beg them to stay. They left you emotionally a long time ago and begging to stay is like agreeing to a relationship with someone who is not emotionally there. Why would you want that for yourself? Don’t you think you deserve better? No woman in her right mind would ever want to be in a relationship with an emotionally distant or unavailable person. And if that's so, then why would you want this emotionally unavailable person back? How would that make you happy?

Hypothetically speaking, if they WERE to come back for another try, then the relationship would still not work out. It would either be the same (after a short honey moon period) or worse. Except of rare cases (see below) I have never seen relationships becoming permanently better after breakups. Ever.

~ Do not badmouth your ex. You will be surprised how this one single thing could actually turn against you. You do not know all the people who know him and all the people who know you were a couple. Bitching around about him will make you look like a negative person.

I know you want compassion and empathy and even though those people may come across as listening, they won’t appreciate the negativity. Do not be like that spewing fire and toxic ashes in a mega mile radius volcano. Besides, in case he has an Epiphany and comes back with a proposal speech and a ring – what are you going to say to all those people then? Imagine them thinking: “Gee, last month she was bitching about what and idiot, a cheater, and a liar he was and now she is marrying HIM? Did she lose her mind??”

~ Do not chase after them. You do not run after a train you missed, do you? You do so because you know you cannot win AND there will be another one. Breakups are emotional, but if you remove emotions for a moment and stay with a common sense, then you will see how stupid it is to chase after someone who dumped you. They DUMPED YOU like a piece of whatever. Have some pride! They left a station already, perhaps a few minutes earlier… just so you would not make it. They left without you, and that’s because exactly what they wanted. They did not invite you on board, did they?? Do not chase after them. You are not wanted and you were not invited.

“If I show him how much I care, will he change his mind?” – He does not need your love anymore. What makes you think that Your Love for him has a higher priority over His Love for something (or someone) else? People do not leave to feel worse, they leave to feel better. He feels better now, without you.

~ Do not fly off the handle and do not stalk. It is very hard not to talk to them and see them right after a breakup. You will be pulled by an invisible force towards them day and night for days, weeks, and months. Now, add pain and obsessions to the mix and here we have it – a perfect recipe for disaster. If you let it all loose you will end up in a very bad shape, believe me.

Flying off the handle and going crazy over some man may get you in serious troubles with the law!

Do not contemplate ‘accidental bumping into each other’ (he will know!), do not dial his number from an unknown device ‘just to hear his voice’ and hang up (he will know it is you!), do not do anything crazy that could get you in trouble.

I know you are in pain but going crazy won’t bring him back. If he sees how crazy you are it will only cement his unfavorable opinion of you ‘wow, she is such a psycho, I just got out in time!’.

If you feel like you are losing control over your emotions, cannot sleep, eat, and function normally, then please seek the help of a professional. You could also try self-help books, forums, articles, and talking to those who understand you. The urge will eventually pass.

This list is certainly not all inclusive, but my point is this: right after a breakup we have only two paths to follow 1) to focus on our ex and go crazy for months 2) to focus on ourselves and to work on our healing. Which one do you think is better? Which one will make YOU happier in the end?

As long as you keep being focused on them you won’t be able to heal. To start a healing process you will need to dump them in your head first. Dump them immediately and start your healing process today!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - What to do when he breaks up with you and Post breakup: does he miss me? or if you want to feel good about your current breakup instead of miserable you will love my empowering e-Book When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself