Are you stuck with Mr. Unavailable? It's time to call it quits!
Are you in an unsatisfying relationship with Mr. Unavailable thinking that if you keep trying hard enough (or staying longer) the man and the relationship will change?
Are you in a relationship where he expects you to act like a girlfriend and meanwhile is acting nothing like a boyfriend himself? Are you one of those women in a relationship who feels constantly unhappy, unsatisfied, and unloved?
…and you call it all a ‘relationship’?!?
No, this is not a relationship, it is called a ‘project’. The kind of a project you took upon yourself to work hard to complete.
You have gotten yourself into this shady deal and have been sticking with it for a while now because of your false belief that his love and his reciprocation of it cannot be given freely, and would never be delivered to your doorstep unless you 'do something' to make it happen.
It is so easy to get into a relationship betting on its potential, thinking and hoping what it is going to become like. It is so comforting to stick to this belief and dream about the future… you know, the kind of future where you are envisioning to have all his love and to have it fall into place and become real.
You are holding on to this belief tightly because this is all you have got. Without that belief the relationship you are in right now would not make sense and would have no future. It has to have a future, right?
This is the reason why many unhappy relationships keep dragging on for years – the dreams of a ‘happily ever after’ and ‘the way the things should be' (vs. what a present relationship is like) never come true and none of them ever materialize; instead they just continue remaining on one's project’s ‘must have’ list. INDEFINITELY.
If you choose to continue to be involved with Mr. Unavailable, then be prepared to do the following for an indefinite period of time:
~ continue working hard on the relationship hoping to collect the benefits later
~ thinking you are different than the rest of the women he dated and therefore have a special power to change him and the outcome of the relationship
~ feeling lonely, deprived, disappointed most of the time and pretending to be OK with it
~ massaging his ego while feeling sorry for yourself
~ being accommodating of his always busy schedule, his hectic life, his feelings etc. – in plain words - playing his doormat
~ keep constantly wondering what is wrong with you or what you did wrong to make him to behave like this
~ not feeling comfortable when expressing your own unmet needs
~ being afraid to come across as demanding by talking about those unmet needs
~ working non-stop on fixing HIS issues, because this is what - in your opinion - stands in the way of your dreams of a ‘happily ever after’ relationship
I do not know what you think about all this but here is how I see it: being involved with Mr. Unavailable is like running backwards. Instead of running away you are running towards something that does not have a future. And no, there is never going to be a future with Mr. Unavailable BECAUSE you cannot control what other people think or do.
You have already tried and how did it work out for you? You have already invested some of your precious time in a stock that is not showing any returns, how much longer will you keep trying?
There is no reason to keep trying because you picked a man with issues that existed before you met. Those exact issues have simply continued to be present in his relationship with you. Those are HIS issues and as I have mentioned previously, you cannot fix his issues for him, he needs to be the one who wants to fix them. Unlike you, he does not think he needs to do something to change his ways, so… Are you still willing to stick around hoping for a change?
Are you willing to stay with someone who is happy with the way things are, and does not believe that something needs to change? Are you willing to stick around with someone who is not there for you when you need them? Are you willing to stay with something you cannot control that gives you so much misery?
You can only control yourself and therefore it is UP TO YOU to make that change. To make the change you have to admit to the uncomfortable truth that is in front of you and to not be afraid to say good-bye to a ‘project’ you have invested so much in. It is up to you to define your journey and the direction it goes. Deviations are inevitable, but you need to be strong and vigilant enough to admit that, at a certain point in time, an emergency U-turn is necessary. It is the time to make that U-turn!
P. S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this super affordable online counseling service.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Be The One For YOU and When he says he is not ready or if you feel like YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH you may like my empowering eBook: When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE: how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself