When he says he is not ready

What do you do when he says he is 'not ready' (for commitment)? Yes, that's right ladies, you keep waiting... until he is ready.

You keep waiting because his 'not ready' sounds almost like 'I'm not ready right now, but will be ready in the near future'.

If a man says he is not ready, it means that commitment (with you) is not high on his priority list and your willingness to wait enables him to be in this mode for as long as you are willing to wait. You are waiting because you have hope, and because you think that if you wait long enough, you will win in the end - he will have no choice but to become ready.

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Although waiting for him to be ready is not making you super happy, you would still rather stay than walk - you do not want to walk away from something you invested so much of your time and emotions into. You do not want to miss out on the moment when he is finally ready but with you not being around. You do not want to miss out on that opportunity so, you keep waiting.

You also feel like your waiting - as an act in itself - is already something you deserve to be rewarded for. After all, you give him your time the minutes, hours, days, months, and YEARS you will never be able to take back and spend on something (or some one?) else. It is almost like a self-sacrifice - in the name of a better future you do not mind to feel crappy right now. You may even point out to him your understanding and patience, hoping he will love you more and will become ready sooner.

The longer your wait the unhappier you feel. Also, the longer you wait, the harder it is to leave. Leaving someone you spent so much time waiting for is almost like walking out of a movie in a movie theater - you will never know what happened in the end. It is almost like abandoning a 'project in the process' you invested so much emotions into - how can you just quit?! Doesn't all the invested time count after all?

You may see him as your project with a final goal - commitment - but it does not mean he sees you in the same light. What sacrifices does HE make to be with you AND to become ready? You are the only one unhappy party here, because if you were BOTH upset about not being committed to each other, you would both find a quick way to remedy the situation. Makes sense??

Here is what's going on: you have loaded yourself with a bunch of YOUR OWN excuses as to why he is not ready right now and why you should wait, AND he is making this pile even bigger by adding a bunch of HIS OWN BS excuses as to why he cannot commit right now and why it is better to wait.

His excuses make no sense, but he wants you to believe them. For example: 'I'm not where I want to be financially, I would like to find a better paying job first'. Why this excuse is meaningless? Because the minute he meets a woman he is head over heels in love with, this excuse will turn into this: 'Look, I'm not the most successful and wealthiest guy in the town, but I'm working on it, and I promise you will have everything you need, just give me a chance!' See the change in attitude when he wants something?

Another example BS excuse he wants you to believe in: 'I cannot leave my spouse right now, I would rather wait for my youngest daughter to graduate from a college, I do not want her to be upset'. The minute he meets a woman he is more than ready to be in a committed relationship with, suddenly this excuse becomes a non-issue: 'Although my daughter is still in a college, she is a grown up and mature woman already, she will understand'.

You cannot help but notice one strange and very telling pattern: if a man wants something - he is looking for opportunities, if he does not want something - he is looking for excuses. So, has your man been feeding you with excuses because he is not truly ready or because he does not want to be ready?

The answer to this question is very simple: rather than asking WHY he is not ready and having more BS excuses added to the pile, simply ask WHAT he is going to do to become ready instead. What is it that stands in the way of him becoming ready, and is there something you could do to help? Listen to him talking and you will know.

You see, at this point you need to make sure you are not waiting for something that is never going to happen. If a man is genuinely interested in being with you but has some reservations about it, he should voice them out, and hopefully you will find a way to work out the obstacles. This is the kind of a conversation you want to have, and the kind of move that will shift your relationship from a waiting mode into the next gear. It is the time-wasters you do not want to spend your precious time on! They will squirm and wiggle their way out no matter how hard you try to put them in a corner demanding straight answers. You will not get the answers!

No answers should be your answer - he is neither looking nor trying to be ready for you. Corny but true - he is biding his time until something better comes along. Ever heard of the stories women dating 'never ready' guys for 5 years only to end up being dumped for some other woman he married within 6 months? As the saying goes: WHERE THERE IS A WILL - THERE IS A WAY!

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