Why focusing on the FUTURE destroys your chances for that FUTURE
Have you ever met a man who made you walk on eggshells the minute you started dating? It is not like he was inconsistent or failed to keep small promises, it is because he made you feel like you have not felt in a long long time.
And if you are one of those who are terribly picky, finicky, hard to please, and ‘rarely fall in love’, then it may even feel like he is your real (and last) chance and like you are losing control over the situation.
“If I have not felt like this in a long time, then what are the chances of it happening AGAIN?”
So, even though, you are crazy about each other and things have been nothing but perfect between you two for several weeks, you have this dreaded feeling in your stomach.
“Is it going to last?”
“Where does this relationship go?”
“When is the other shoe going to drop?”
“Is he feeling the same?”
“Is he serious about me and our relationship?”
“Am I wasting my time??”
I do not blame you for feeling like this. If you both are looking for different things or he does not feel the same - you have the right to know. Also, it would be reasonable to assume that not every man you meet has serious intentions. You have those doubts because you have had enough of being hurt in a past.
Again, I understand why you feel this way. You are on guard because you do not want to be sucked into yet another black hole of pain which takes ages to get out from.
Unfortunately, this kind of mindset has side effects. And these side effects are not pretty.
You see, if you think like you are going to lose him or like something bad is going to happen then you start obsessing over his every d*mn move.
~ You freak out when he does not call for a while or ‘forgets’ to call
~ You obsess over his every word and wonder what his “let’s do it later” means
~ You become uptight and rigid, you over-analyze everything he says or does
~ The quiet self-doubts you had in the beginning start growing and become louder
~ You are afraid to say ‘wrong things’ or do ‘something wrong’ to scare him off
~ You constantly check your sell phone to see if there is a text message from him
~ You lose yourself and your life over this man. In other words – you become a MESS.
With all the listed above, would you agree that it is virtually impossible to enjoy such a relationship? Being in a constant state of anxiety and paranoia is not good and is not healthy. But wait, there is more to this!
Look, you just met a great guy, he has done nothing wrong to make you miserable, and YOU ARE UNHAPPY ALREADY. Your desperate desire for love, a lasting relationship, and a fear of screwing up the chance hid the best of you into a shell. Need prove?
~ Are you more attractive when you are relaxed, cheerful, and confident or uptight and insecure?
~ Are you more attractive when you are confident he likes you or when you live in fear that one day he will disappear on you like the rest?
~ Are you more attractive when you live in the present or when you are consumed by fears and obsessions over what might or might not happen in the future?
What version of YOU do you think your man would rather fall in love with??
Living in the here and now and not worrying about the future makes you more confident and more attractive. Plus the more amazing present you have together, the more he will want to have a future with you.
So, what should you do when he does this or that or when he sounds confusing? My answer is – NOTHING. Making him ‘do something’ will mean pushing him into something he is either not ready for or does now want to do.
Men only do what they want to do!
In the very beginning, when everything is glamorous and rosy, you have a tremendous power to get him hooked… by keeping it glamorous and rosy.
Keep it light, enjoy the dates, enjoy the moment, smile, say yes, and let go of your fears of the future. Give this budding relationship a chance. Give him some time to realize that you are the only woman he wants to be with.
Perhaps you knew he was ‘the one’ from the start, but this is not how it works with men. Give him an opportunity to catch up. I say, in about 8 weeks you will know your answer. He will either become crazy about you and act like a full time boyfriend or continue seeing you once a week citing his ‘busy schedule’. (Yeah right!)
If you think that this powerful advice makes sense and you need assistance on implementing it, then may I suggest to you this good quality e-Course Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever.
The e-Course will teach you how to spot bad men (so you will not waste your time!) and will open your eyes on mistakes that were preventing you from finding and having a satisfying relationship.