What to say when breaking up with a married man
When someone asks me what to say when breaking up with a married man (or what message to send), the very first thing I want to know is the nature of the relationship.
What was it like? How long have you been dating? Do you still love him? Does his wife know? Did he promise you anything? Was he an ass-clown or a ‘nice guy’?
As you can see, these are just some examples of what I would rather know to answer your question.
Now, since there is no way for me to know your particular situation, I have created a list of the most common situations and circumstances and what to say when breaking up with a married man.
Here is what you need to realize when breaking up with a married man: it is not the time to worry about hurting his feelings. Got it?
Will he be annoyed, inconvenienced, and hurt? Sure as hell – yes! It is expected. I’ll tell you more: it may not be so easy to get rid of him after all.
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You see, he got used to you being there for him. So, basically, now he is a spoiled brat. Take away a cookie from a spoiled brat and see what happens. That’s right, they put on a show and throw a temper tantrum. Like 2-year-olds.
Examples of temper tantrums or what to expect after breaking up with a married jack-ass:
~ silent treatment (the ‘no contact’ rule that is aimed to make you miss them and want them back)
~ begging and pleading (manipulation technique to make you change your mind)
~ fake promises (the same as above)
~ flowers, gifts, calls, and “I love you”-s (yeah, right! They love you soooo much, but leaving a wife is still not an option)
~ dating someone else and making sure you know it (they just want to make you jealous and regret your decision)
In essence, all of the above is aimed to get you back NO MATTER WHAT. They want their cake and eat it too. They want the cake and the hell with what YOU want, and more importantly what YOU feel. Hey, how about your cake? Did they ask what YOU want? No? See how selfish they are?
Now, after delivering your breakup speech, be prepared to watch an “I want my cookie back” show. It will be entertaining for sure… and painful too. I am sorry. I am truly sorry you have to go through this.
As I like to say – you will never regret breaking up with a married man.
What to say when breaking up with a married man (aka a selfish cake eater, a time waster, and a jack-ass)
There is one single answer that fits ALL circumstances: if you have all the reasons to believe that his wife does not know about you, then all you have to say is that you will tell his wife.
“I have decided to move on with my life and find myself a man who will give me what I want. I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and I politely ask you to leave me alone. If you keep bothering me, I will have to tell your wife about us and what you are doing”
THAT will blow him away with the speed of light. Mission accomplished! You can breathe freely now. There is nothing worse and more painful than a prolonged breakup. A complete waste of your time.
Below are some more situations and what to say (or what message to send). The trick here is to become a little bit more selfish. Think about being a selfish b*tch and the right words will come!
~ Your relationship is still new and you have not been dating for too long:
“It was nice meeting you, but I have decided that this is not the kind of a relationship that I want to be in. I think you understand where I am coming from. This relationship is not working for me. I have decided to move on. Good luck”
~ You have been involved with him for over one year, but he has not promised you anything:
“I need commitment, marriage, children, more time together, etc (insert a long list of your needs here) and it appears that I cannot have this with you. It was nice to meet you, but the time has come and I need to take care of my own needs now. I have decided to move on and find a man who will meet my needs and will happily give me what I need”
~ You have been involved with him for over one year and he promised to leave his wife for you:
This one is a little bit tricky. He may or may not mean this. The only way to know for sure is to push him over the edge by breaking up. No worries! If he did mean to leave his wife, he will be back.
“It has been over one year and it appears that the relationship is not going anywhere. If being with your wife works for you, then great. I have decided to move on and find myself a man who would like to be with me too. If you are still serious about us, then it is up to you to prove it with your actions. I am moving on with my life. When you get your divorce papers signed, you can call me. I hope I‘ll still be around and available. Life is so unpredictable, you know. Good luck”
People with fake promises are the worst type to break up with. All they do during a crisis is to come up with a big truckload of new promises. Do not believe anything they say. It is what they do that counts.
Get a piece of paper, and write down everything they promised and tried their best to be with you.
Now, remove everything related to ‘what they said’ and leave only ‘what they did’. How much of it is left? I bet nothing. NOTHING! That’s your wake up call, girl.
Words, words, words…. words not confirmed by actions are empty. I call them cheap lies.
~ You love him very much and he swears that he loves you too:
As a loving man that he claims to be, the most loving thing he could do in this situation is to extricate himself from your life forever and let you find a loving man who would want to be with you.
That’s what truly loving people do. We do not torture those we love. We do not want them to suffer. We wish them well and do all we can to make them happy.
He does not love you. He loves only himself. Your suffering, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, tears, and annoyance with the whole thing do not bother him. The only thing that bothers him is your nagging to spend more time together and /or to leave his wife.
This is a relationship of convenience for him.
Here is what to say:
“I love you very much, but I need more from this relationship. Since you cannot give it to me I have decided to move on. Life is so precious and beautiful. It sure has a lot to offer. Good luck”
~ You have been dating him for a long long time:
This one is tough. You have learned to rely on each other and probably became very close. In fact, so close, that it is like breaking up with a dear family member and dearest friend.
I see two options here.
First (the easier one): You do not need to break up with him. Instead, start dating other people. Once you meet someone special, things will get resolved on their own.
Second (a tougher one): You may need professional help to break off this relationship completely. The reason I am suggesting this is to learn a couple of good coping strategies and techniques to weather out this nasty period in your life. You will have to deal with the loss.
Another reason is to not fall into a breaking up – making up pattern.
What to say: “Thank you for the beautiful times, but the time has come and I have decided to move on. I understand that it is not going to be easy for you too, but you have to respect my decision. I am moving on with my life and would like to explore what it has to offer. Good luck”
~ You are sick and tired of his ways (that includes them dating other women besides you):
“Thank you for the great times, but I have decided to move on with my life. I just want something different and I do not believe we are a match. Good luck”
Why you do not want to argue, blame, bad-mouth or criticize them
When we get criticized or someone triggers our emotions in the wrong way we instinctively focus on what we feel vs. what was said in that message.
If you want to be heard by the other party, avoid criticism of any kind. You may be tempted to tell what an a**hole they are, what a moron and a pig they have been etc.
I say – do not.
Arguing will trigger them big time and your breakup speech will turn into a fight. Is this what your goal is? To fight?
Be elegant and classy. Be positive, neutral, easy-breezy, and yet convincing. They will get the message. Guaranteed.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Should you wait for someone you love to love you back? and You will be amazed at how con artists and cheaters can actually fake a relationship or my popular eBook (it is based on anonymous poll of cheating or looking to cheat boyfriends and husbands). It has a chapter for mistresses! Just take a sneak peek : Infidelity - How to Get Rid of His Mistress