When they have their cake and eat it too: are YOU giving away the cake?
It takes two to tango and if you suspect that you are being taken advantage of, or in fancier terms – that they are having their cake and eating it too – then who do you think allows it all to happen and who gives away that cake?
The answer is painfully simple – it’s YOU!
You freely give away that cake and then… blame them for eating it.
We do not like to intentionally take advantage of other people because we think it is not nice and immoral, but human nature is such that where there is an opportunity to get something for nothing, there will always be SOMEONE who’ll take it.
Study after study shows that most men would like to sleep with a woman on the first date. Would you give them that precious piece of you on the first date? Although some women do, most of us understand that it is a very bad idea.
That’s what freeloaders are like – when there is something that is generously offered, they will grab it. And, quite often, we make it so easy for them!
Are you making it easy for someone who does not love you back or treats you with disrespect? Are you spoon-feeding them with the cake expecting gratitude in return? Or, perhaps they just come and go, taking small bites in between and then disappear until next time.
They sure do know 'where' to go to get the piece, don’t they??
We jump through hoops to feed them with the cake while all we have are teeny-tiny crumbs of their love and a bad taste in our mouth. We may mistakenly see their behavior as a reflection on us (which may further deteriorate our sense of self-worth), but honestly, they are just the kind of a person who won’t hesitate to grab what is freely offered.
They are having their cake and eating it too when they say this:
~ let us just keep things the way they are
~ I am not looking for anything serious (after sleeping with you for 1 year)
~ come on, you know I have always been on dating websites, it is just the way I am
~ why are you suddenly so upset? I thought we were on the same page
~ I just need more time to commit (after dating you forever)
~ why rushing things?
~ you are so difficult sometimes
~ we will be together (after being separated by a distance for 5 years).
~ we have a great thing going, why ruin it?
They certainly do not think how much it costs you or how badly you are effected. They are in it for their interests only. Plus, since they are such lovers of free desserts, there is no guarantee you are the only one they are nibbling on (see – Men with a buffet mentality).
The danger of being a free cake to someone is that as I have stated above, some people WILL take advantage of an opportunity and that’s where we end up being in confusing relationships. Think of meeting once a month with a super-busy man, dating a man who has someone else, or being a convenient booty-call, a spare airport to land at, or just a ‘good for now’ girl because there is nothing else out there at the moment.
The good-hearted and kindest of us mistakenly assume that being ‘a cake’ is a short-cut to winning love. The deliciously layered cake with icing on the top - JUST LIKE THEY LOVE - is like a perfect recipe to make them love us.
Unfortunately, it is never the case.
Users are after their own interests only. If they were truly into a relationship with you, there would be no need for you to play the cake role. The dynamics would be totally different! Just think of some of your past relationships where a man was truly into you. Remember how it felt, what was it like, and how much they loved you without your needing to jump through hoops? Remember that??
Here is the deal ladies: since they are after their interests only, so should YOU.
They will continue nibbling on the cake (aka using and abusing the nice you) until the place is closed. Think of this sign for example: "We are closed!". Or better yet – “We are closed permanently!”
If we are not getting what we want, then they should not be getting what they want. I bet if you were to scan through the mental list of your wants, expectations, and needs, none of them would be satisfied. Ask yourself this: How come they are full and happy and you are hungry and miserable? How come they have their cake and eat it too and you have nothing? What’s in it for you and what are the benefits??
No matter what happens in our relationships, it is always beneficial to remember that we are the one who is in charge of what to give and how much. There will always be men with predatory tendencies and it is solely up to us to take responsibility of our own behavior with such people. As they attempt to take or steal, we have a choice to withhold. It is solely up to us. We are in control.
You are valuable enough to have a decent relationship without playing weird cake games. Take that cake away and see what happens. They will either step up to the plate and make real things happen or go back to searching for another freebie.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Dating a Loser vs. dating a Winner: the difference and How to spot Mr. Unavailable or if you need to talk to someone about your unique situation (this is my personal recommendation) - Affordable online counseling with a licensed professional. You will not be disappointed.