Always busy men
Some busy men enter relationships as if they were entering a coffee shop. It usually goes like this - he enters a coffee shop, enjoys a cup of coffee or tea, reads a newspaper, chit-chats with visitors if any, and after about 10 minutes glances at his watch and says, 'I'VE GOT TO GO'.
Ladies, have you heard this - 'I'VE GOT TO GO' - thing before? How many times have you heard him saying it after your yet another short date?
He says he is busy, he says there is a lot on his mind right now; he calls when he pleases, meets you when it is CONVENIENT FOR HIM, says that things will get better and one day you will spend more time together.
Well, whatever he says to you, one thing is clear - you are his 'coffee-shop' woman. And promising to spend more time together... is like upgrading you from a little 'coffee-shop' to a big 'shopping mall'... with one minor detail - available hours will still need to be adjusted to HIS busy schedule.
Now, open your eyes and look at it this way: he is certainly very busy, he spends all of his available time on things that are important to him.
It is quite obvious you are not among those things (read: unimportant), therefore little to no time is being dedicated to you. Since you are just his 'coffee-shop' woman, he will be using you during occasional breaks, those kind of breaks when he feels like relaxing.
And what about YOU? Can he make himself available to you when YOU feel like relaxing? Can he drop everything and come to you when YOU feel like seeing him? Why is it that everything needs to be on his terms? Having it all on his terms can make you feel like you are not worthy of his accommodating YOU, which will further affect your own self-worth and self-esteem in a negative way.
Accommodating other people's needs, while disregarding all yours, sends a message to those people that you are a ‘yes’ person, someone they can push around and take advantage of. Therefore, his seeing you on his terms is nothing but a blatant disrespect of your own busy schedule and more importantly – your own needs and feelings. Who in the world does he think he is?
Let me tell you this: unless you are looking for a part-time relationship - this is a very unhealthy balance to be in, and the only way to correct it is to remove him from your priorities list as well.
Downgrade him from your top 3 to your top 50 priorities and let your busy behavior talk.
He will notice. He may get annoyed (his favorite 'coffee -shop' is closed for the rest of the day), or may even throw a fit. Do not feel bad about it, ladies, he started this whole game first.
The game is about putting one’s own needs above those of others and expectations of getting satisfaction on demand. The game is also about not dwelling on the other party's emotions and to care about one's own. Last but not least, this game is about them thinking that they are above you and therefore are being entitled to a special treatment at the cost of your own self-sacrifices.
I say, re-read the game’s rules above once again and start playing fairly. From now on – no turning yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate his busy schedule, no jumping through hoops to please his whims, and no self-sacrifices for someone who will not do the same for YOU. Play by the rules of the game he has inflicted upon you and watch what happens.
If he still wants to enjoy what he has been conveniently enjoying, he will have to make adjustments (like you have been, all along, remember ?) to be with you. Also, it will be a test regarding his interest for you. If his interest level is good enough to make adjustments - he will find more time for the both of you, but if you were only convenience for him - he will not pursue the relationship.
I understand that by you taking chances, there is the possibility of losing him. You may think that receiving only crumbs of attention on a regular basis is still better than having nothing. But this is what it's all about, ladies, you do not want and should not downgrade yourself to the point where holding onto crumbs is the only option you think you have to feel happy. Do not think that your current status of a 'coffee-shop' woman is the only status you can have to sustain your current relationship (or any other relationship for that matter).
Your accommodating him to such an extreme degree means that you have been way too desperate to keep him in your life. You may want to take a closer look at yourself to better understand your need to accommodate others to make them happy at the cost of neglecting your own needs and happiness.
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