Dating a loser vs. dating a winner: the difference
The major difference between dating a loser and a winner is that a winner makes things happen and a loser – does not. To take one step further: in the case with a winner you won’t even have ‘to work’ to make those things happen; unlike with a loser, where things do not happen (or barely happen) no matter how hard you ‘work’.
Does it ring a bell to some of you? Sadly, it does to me.
When I say ‘things’ I mean anything and everything that pertains to dating and relationships: first contact, setting up a date, dating and communication, moving things forward, ability to handle sticky and uncomfortable situations, ability to propose and to commit.
That’s it, ladies!
So, basically speaking, while dating someone new, one does not have to wait for months to figure out who they are dealing with. The formula here is simple: if your man makes things happen - he is a winner, if not - then you know now who he is. Your justifications or excuses do not count.
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As an example let us compare side by side dating/relationship dynamics of these two types. You will be AMAZED how easy it is to distinguish between these two and then hopefully take the needed action. The end result? Zero wasted time. Isn’t it what you deserve anyway??
Setting up a date:
With a winner things go easily and smoothly. They contact you first and have no issues setting up a date. Their eagerness, passion, and interest boost your self-esteem and giveaway a cozy ‘everything is great’ feeling.
In case with losers it is a different story. Actually, it is the exact opposite. They:
~ may say ‘we should meet sometime’ but no particular date will be specified ever
~ may manage to schedule a date, but then it will get cancelled because of some bogus reason
~ may chit-chat with you for weeks OR MONTHS promising a date
See the emerging pattern here? It all starts from the very beginning.
OK, they could still put on an act and ‘make things happen’ (we will talk about these murky cases later in this article), but actions of those who blatantly fail to deliver in such an early stage scream nothing but ‘I am a loser’.
Can’t you hear it?? Can’t you see how crazy it is to wait, wait, and wait for someone to make up their flip-flopping mind to set something up? What are you? A Ms. Desperate 89 year old woman with one leg in the grave, 2 missing front teeth, and semi-bald head? Of course you are not and they are NOT your last chance!
Let’s take a look at relationships:
Winners will have no issues with treating you like a Princess, pleasing you right and left and moving things forward. You won’t have to jump through hoops to make them to commit.
In case with losers it will be the opposite. Again.
~ they will play hide and seek games and be MIA periodically
~ may downgrade you to a booty call after several months
~ take away all attention, care, and love you had in the beginning and put you on a crumbs diet
~ will not commit no matter what you say, do not say, do or do not do
Relationships with losers are never happy relationships. I do not think they should be called ‘relationships’. Maybe a 'non-relationship?" And, unfortunately, these non-relationships exist because we allow them to exist.
These non-relationships are fantasies of our own making. Since we do not want to face the painful truth we ‘re-create’ and ‘re-design’ them into something that becomes suitable enough to call ‘a relationship’. And, of course, it all happens in our own head only. We misinterpret their actions, see things that are not there, believe in what they say, give a special meaning to their disappearances, fill up gaps and blanks with our own believes and after all this hard internal work… still feel miserable.
This is because no matter how foggy our head is and how far we drift away into our own dreamy la-la-la land there will always be sobering moments when things do not reconcile and reality hits hard.
‘But what if he was good in the beginning and everything has deteriorated after that?’ – you ask.
I hear you. There are murky people out here who act like a ‘winner’ and ‘make things happen’… until one day. The formula is simple here: the minute he stops delivering hit your ‘eject’ button.
There is something fundamentally good about healthy relationships: you are their ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’ and ‘my baby’ on day one and their ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’ and ‘my baby’ 12 months later. Respectful treatment, adoration and care will be present no matter how old your relationship is. Things in such relationships are steady.
In case with losers it is ‘my baby’ first month and ‘how come you are such a nag’ 3 months later. This spiraling down dynamic should be your clue that things are not working out and a boat is sinking.
Take a look at this amazing chart. It is a very simple chart, but it is very telling. It shows what you get and do not get from a man depending on who he is.
There are many different reasons why a man refuses or is not motivated to deliver i.e. ‘to make things happen’. It could be his low interest level or he could be secretly married. Maybe he just broke up with someone else and is not capable of trusting and loving at a present time. Perhaps he has a girlfriend and is bored or maybe he is just a cheater.
The bottom line is that no matter what their issues are, it is not your job to fix them. They have to be willing to fix them on their own. Fixing it for them does not work.
I understand that it could be very tempting to step in and start working on the obstacles that (in your mind) stand in the way to your happy relationship, but experiences of many show that it does not work. You will be tripped over by your own pain and blinded by your own tears. A lot of time will be wasted and there will be nothing to show for it. No matter what direction the wind blows, a sinking boat is still a sinking boat.
Being in a non-relationship with a loser is like drinking a crappy, made out of pain, anxiety, and paranoia cocktail and then wondering why it feels so crappy.
P.S. if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Rebound relationships: Do not let them use you as a spare airport to land and 20 signs he is not serious or this quality e-Course: Online Allure (how to attract quality men online)