Is He Giving You Mixed Signals? Welcome to the Romantic Weather Center

Mixed signals have a remarkable effect on an otherwise intelligent woman.

A man can be warm on Friday, distant on Saturday, affectionate on Sunday and apparently living under an assumed name by Monday, and instead of concluding that the weather is unstable, you begin studying the sky.

Surely there is an explanation.

Welcome to the Romantic Weather Center.

Today’s forecast: intense interest followed by unexplained cloud cover, with a strong possibility of “I’ve just been really busy” moving in from the west.

Bring a cardigan.

Mostly Sunny with Sudden Disappearances

Mr. Mixed Signal rarely gives you nothing, because nothing would be wonderfully clear.

Instead, he gives you a magnificent evening. He is attentive, affectionate, interested in everything you say and looking at you as though somebody has finally corrected an important error in his romantic life.

The forecast is excellent.

Then he disappears for four days, and naturally this creates questions. Perhaps he became frightened by how much he likes you, perhaps work exploded, perhaps he is naturally cautious, or perhaps his previous relationship left him emotionally bruised.

Perhaps.

Or perhaps Tuesday simply had different weather.

Then, just as you begin adjusting to the cold front, sunshine returns.

“Been thinking about you.”

Of course he has.

The temperature immediately rises twelve degrees.

One cheerful message can perform extraordinary climate repair.

The Forecast Requires Constant Updating

This is where mixed signals become strangely addictive.

Clear interest does not require much analysis. A man likes you, behaves as though he likes you and continues behaving as though he likes you, leaving the Romantic Weather Center with almost nothing to do.

Very dull for meteorologists.

Mixed signals provide employment.

Now every small development matters: he called—sunshine; he did not make plans—clouds; he said he misses you—warming trend; he vanished again—possible tropical disturbance.

Soon you are no longer dating a man.

You are tracking a system.

And because the weather occasionally becomes beautiful, the bad forecast never quite feels final. This is the peculiar power of inconsistency: the wonderful moments begin arguing on behalf of the disappointing ones.

“He does care. Remember last weekend?”

Yes.

Last weekend was glorious.

There were clear skies over the entire region.

Unfortunately, one sunny Saturday does not constitute a climate.

The Experts Are Called In

Eventually the weather becomes complicated enough to require outside analysis, and your girlfriends are consulted.

Evidence is presented.

“He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but then he held my hand all night.”

Interesting.

“He disappears, but when we’re together, it feels amazing.”

Very interesting.

“He said he misses me, but he still hasn’t made plans.”

The panel grows quiet.

Everyone studies the radar.

One friend believes he is scared, another thinks he is confused, and a third, who has apparently lost patience with atmospheric science, says, “Maybe he just likes you when you’re there.”

This possibility is received poorly.

It lacks romance.

We prefer hidden emotional hurricanes to the simple idea that a man may enjoy you enormously in certain moments without having any particular intention of building a relationship around those moments.

He can mean the kiss, the tenderness and “I miss you,” and still not mean Tuesday.

Human beings are inconveniently capable of feeling something without organizing their lives around it.

Partly Interested Is Still a Weather Condition

This is perhaps the funniest thing about mixed signals: women often assume that somewhere underneath all the contradiction is one true signal waiting to be discovered.

Which one is the real him—the affectionate one, the distant one, the man who talks about a future, or the man who cannot arrange dinner next week?

Surely one of them must be authentic and the others are merely atmospheric interference.

But sometimes they are all authentic.

He likes you when he likes you, withdraws when he withdraws, wants closeness and then distance, attention and then freedom, romance but perhaps not everything romance eventually begins asking for.

The mixed signal is not hiding the message.

The mixed signal is the message.

This is less satisfying than discovering that he has secretly been overwhelmed by the terrifying depth of his feelings, but it does have the advantage of requiring considerably less equipment.

Tomorrow: More of the Same

Mr. Mixed Signal can remain fascinating for a surprisingly long time because uncertainty creates its own little drama. Every return feels meaningful, every warm spell feels like progress, and every disappearance requires interpretation.

A consistently interested man simply arrives.

Where is the mystery in that?

He calls when he says he will, makes plans, behaves warmly and continues to behave warmly. Nobody needs to gather around the radar at midnight.

Almost suspiciously easy.

Mixed signals, by comparison, can make an ordinary romance feel enormously important because so much thinking is required to understand it.

Surely anything requiring this much analysis must contain tremendous depth.

Or possibly weather.

And that may be the grand comedy of Mr. Mixed Signal: while you are trying to determine whether the forecast means he really likes you, he continues providing exactly the same forecast.

Sunny.

Cloudy.

Sunny again.

Chance of plans.

Possible disappearance.

Warm feelings developing overnight, followed by scattered confusion through the weekend.

After enough time, even the Romantic Weather Center begins running out of new things to say.

The forecast has not changed.

Only the date at the top has.