The ‘I Miss You’ Championships

Some men can miss a woman with such enthusiasm that you would think seeing her again might become a medical emergency. Fortunately, they are usually able to carry on with their normal activities.

The message arrives at lunchtime: “I miss you so much.”

How lovely.

You imagine him gazing into the distance, overcome by the absence of your company, perhaps wondering how he will survive until the two of you are reunited.

He is having a sandwich.

Welcome to the “I Miss You” Championships, where the emotions are enormous, the declarations are beautiful, and the arrangements remain surprisingly modest.

The Long-Distance Lover Who Lives Twenty Minutes Away

Our first contestant has not seen you in three weeks, misses you terribly, and would love nothing more than to spend time together.

Unfortunately, he is busy this weekend.

And next weekend.

The weekend after that is looking complicated, although he is hopeful about the general direction of things.

His longing is in excellent condition. His calendar, however, has refused to cooperate.

The “Wish You Were Here” Romantic

Next comes the man who sends a photograph from a beautiful restaurant and tells you how much better the evening would be if you were beside him.

You look at the photograph.

You look at the message.

Apparently, the invitation has been sent to a different address.

Still, the sentiment is touching, and he may genuinely wish you were there. Wishing is a marvelous activity because it allows a person to enjoy the idea of something without becoming involved in the practical business of making it happen.

“I wish you were here.”

Well, darling, there appears to be an empty place at the table.

The King of Soon

Then we have the “We Must Get Together Soon” event, a magnificent display of mutual enthusiasm in which two people agree that seeing each other would be wonderful, important, and absolutely something that should happen.

Soon.

The word is doing extraordinary work.

It can mean Friday, next month, or some distant point in the future when the planets are better organized. Nobody knows, but everyone is delighted by the possibility.

The contestant receives high marks for warmth and sincerity.

The date remains to be announced.

The Reunion Specialist

And then, just when you begin to wonder whether the championship has a practical component, a reunion finally takes place.

It is lovely. He is affectionate, attentive, and clearly enjoying your company. The chemistry is still there, the conversation flows, and he says, “We really should do this more often.”

An excellent suggestion.

You are almost tempted to ask whether he knows the man responsible for arranging it.

But the evening ends, he goes home, and before long another message arrives.

“I miss you.”

The championship continues.

By now, the competition has developed a fascinating rhythm. He misses you, enjoys seeing you, and then returns to missing you, which appears to be the part of the relationship he is most comfortably equipped to maintain.

You, meanwhile, may be wondering whether all this affection is going somewhere. He seems to be having a perfectly lovely time exactly where it is.

The Man Who Cannot Bear Another Day Apart

The distinction becomes especially entertaining when a contestant announces that he cannot bear another day apart.

At last! A breakthrough!

The organizers get excited because it looks as though a reunion is finally about to happen, but no—he has simply found a few more ways to say how much he misses you. He misses your smile, your laugh, your company, and apparently everything about you except the opportunity to see you. At this rate, he may soon start missing you while you are in the same room.

Then, out of nowhere, one contestant actually makes a plan. He asks when you are free, picks a day, and turns up to see you.

The judges are stunned.

Apparently, he has misunderstood the sport.

The others continue missing their women from a comfortable distance, occasionally getting together for a lovely evening before heading home and starting to miss them all over again. One sends “I miss you” before she has even taken off her coat.

And so we arrive at the final medal ceremony.

The gold goes to the man who missed you for six months without once allowing the experience to interfere with his weekend.

He is very proud.

He wishes you were here to see it.