I think he is shy, but I know he is interested. Should I ask him out?
“I think he is shy, but I know he is interested. Should I ask him out?” – Mary W. Of course you can ask a shy guy out. But because you do the asking, it does not mean he owes you interest or a relationship. Are you OK with that?
Asking a guy out, no matter how interested he seems, is a bold move that should not be made without a prior attitude adjustment. But first things first.
I understand where you are coming from. You may have this guy at school or at work who openly flirts, stares at you or makes very ‘telling’ eye contact. His ways make your head spin except one thing – he is not asking you out.
Naturally, you get impatient, disappointed, wonder what is going on, maybe offended, pondering about his interest level and debate whether or not you should ask him out.
“What’s the harm? – you reason – his interest is obvious” And here come the excuses-justifications as to why you should ask him out:
~ Perhaps he is just a shy guy
~ I am so good looking, maybe he is intimidated by my looks
~ Maybe he is not sure of my interest level
~ Perhaps he was rejected a lot
~ I’ll break the ice, and then he will do the asking after that
~ Some other BS reason as to why he cannot ask you out
The truth is that when a man wants to ask a woman out he does just that – he asks a woman out. We live in a digital era where many things can be done online or over the phone. It all became very easy to ask someone out or reject them without facing them in person. If they have no guts to ask you out directly, they could still do it by sending a text message or drop a hint on your Facebook page. There are plenty of creative ways to ask a woman out!
And yet, they’re still not doing it. Why?
There are a gazillion reasons as to why some seemingly interested men cannot ask a woman out:
~ For starters, they could be in a committed relationship with someone else and are not willing to cross the line
~ They could be going through a breakup and are not emotionally ready for a new relationship
~ They are a cheater and you are not the only one they are flirting with
~ Some men like the attention of attractive women and would not mind a little ego boost.. but that’s all
~ Some men have issues like erectile dysfunction and worry about its effects on a potential relationship. A friend of mine once asked a very shy man out only to discover that he had a very-very small penis. It was a deal breaker for her and of course it did not work out.
~ They may have other issues like debt, a drama baby-mama, living with their parents, etc.
The point is that there is always a reason as to why they do not ask you out.
Back to that adjustment of attitude we were talking in the beginning. Since they owe you nothing and since there is a high chance of rejection you had better stand firmly on your both feet in terms of self-esteem and self-value. Many people take rejection personally, plus they see it as a reflection of their self-worth.
Another thing to keep in mind is that even IF they say yes, it opens up another can of worms. That’s where you need to be really strong, otherwise your worries will eat you alive!
~ I am wondering why he never asked me out first?
~ Would he have ever asked me out if I had not asked him first?
~ Is it because of his so-so interest level?
~ Is he using me?
~ I feel like I am doing all the work
~ How come he is not asking me out? It is his turn now!
~ He says one thing, but does the other.
Some guys do not mind grabbing what is freely offered, and therefore if there is a pretty woman throwing herself at them they will take it. Why not? It is easy and free. They may keep you as a backup plan on a rainy day or as an option ‘for now’ since there is no one else at the current moment.
Cannot be murkier than that, can it??
It always gets weird and strange when we ‘assume’ what other people think or when we project our own feelings onto them. We are positive they feel the same and act upon it.
Maybe if we were more cautious and less presumptuous, we would not have that urge to ask a guy out. I know plenty of shy, indecisive guys who graduated from a college, got married and got a job. It just goes to show that men always put an effort into things they want.
Asking you out is easier than applying for college, studying for exams, proposing or stressing over a job hunt. It is just a simple freaking asking out!! How much courage does it take? Besides, every man knows that he is ‘supposed’ to ask the woman out.
Now here we have it. We have a man who is not really that shy, he is simply not that interested (or unable) to ask you out. In this case – why would YOU want to ask him out?
Just let it go. You deserve better than this.
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