Passive men: dating pitfalls
Have you ever met a great guy who made you do all the work in a relationship?
How did it make you feel?
Are you currently involved with this kind of a guy?
Are you, to put it mildly, FRUSTRATED?!?
Description of a passive beta man
~ There is a very high chance that he is an introvert
~ He does not like to socialize much and does not have many friends
~ Usually stays with the same employer for years or DECADES
~ Is above average loyal due to… being too lazy to cheat
~ He is probably a ‘nice guy’
~ Does not like and will not engage in arguments. Dealing with drama and emotions requires extra energy… which he does not have
~ He may come across as a shy person
If you are currently involved with a passive beta man AND would like him to become your boyfriend or a husband, then you have probably been wondering about his true interest level. After all, we do not want to chase after something that is not going to happen, and we do not want to chase after a mirage.
Is he interested?
Most beta males have too much feminine energy and many of them are lazy emotionally. You may toss and turn all night wondering whether ‘he likes you’ or ‘what he thinks’, but the sobering reality is such that he may not even know it himself. He was too lazy to pay attention (that’s why you were the first one to notice HIM), he was too lazy and insecure to approach (that’s why you did the approaching yourself), and now he is too lazy to reflect on what is happening and how it makes him feel.
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And, even if he was the one who did the chasing in the beginning, I bet it was a very short term event. Just like that fast moving t-storm with lots of bright blinking, loud thundering, and damaging winds – he came into your life, made you notice him and SORT OF DISAPPEARED.
If this is something that you can relate to, rather than wondering if he is interested, I suggest that you move forward with your chasing plan. Forget about his interest level at this time. I say, as long as he responds to your advances you should be good to go. Keep going until you win. Or lose.
I personally do not recommend chasing after passive beta men, but if you still insist, here are the things you will need to know.
Chasing after a passive beta man – how to get him and what to expect.
~ Be prepared to take the lead. If you are a born leader, or are more on the aggressive side, it may come naturally to you. For traditional ladies, however, it will be an ultimate deal breaker.
~ You will be scheduling and planning most of your dates. The longer you keep doing it, the more you may wonder: if not for my suggestions to meet would we still be dating??
~ Since his true interest level is unknown, you will feel INSECURE and REJECTED most of the time.
~ Unlike with traditional men, this one won’t make you feel like you ‘matter’.
~ Because of his passive interest level, you may develop paranoia of him being involved with someone else. Sometimes, a like-warm interest is an indicator of another relationship or relationships, which means you are just a side chick. She gets it all and you – just leftovers.
~ In conjunction with the above: you won’t be able to trust him. No matter how hard you try, your flowery romance will always have splashes of mud. That’s how mistrust works – it ruins the tenderest beginnings and damages the most loving hearts.
~ Whether you like it or not, there was at least one woman in his life who he did the chasing. Whether you know her or not, it will always eat you inside. That just says - point blank - that he IS capable of chasing and you are not special enough to chase.
~ Passive men are HARD to date. They attract 1) aggressive women 2) women with low self-esteem. Of those women, many lose patience and interest, which means you don’t have to compete with too many women to make him yours.
~ Passive beta men are agreeable and prefer ‘to go along’. Since they are too lazy to chase after others, are never proactive, and go with the flow, you may have no problem moving your relationship to the next level. Date him for 12 to 18 months, get him attached and then offer to move in together or to get married. GIVE HIM SOME TIME TO THINK.
~ Of course you will be the one who will plan the rings shopping and picks your wedding date.
~ Did he grow up in a family with an authoritative mother? Was she in charge of all and everything? Was she making the rules and running an entire household?
If this is the case then that’s the relationship model he will be unconsciously drawn to. Your behaving like his leader mom will, surprisingly, make him feel like he came ‘home’. This time – with YOU.
We are unconsciously drawn to people and situations that we grew up with. These people/situations give us the sense of security and make us feel like we are ‘at home’. Yes, mostly we tend to date the same personality types and our relationships tend to be the same. Different faces, different names, different people but the same relationships and the same outcomes. Bad or good.
~ Dump him immediately if he does any of the following 1) posts his profile on a dating site or cheats 2) refuses to commit after 12-18 months of dating 3) isn’t treating you nice. You may think you ‘have’ him and therefore some lecturing or spanking will sober him up. No, it will not! He is not a kid, he knows what he is doing and your staying will only reward bad behavior.
He did nothing to earn your love, and no, him being nice and going along with everything does not count. The least thing you want to deal with is his bratty attitude and being taken for granted.
Let us admit that chasing after those who do not seem to want us is a very tedious task. We put a tremendous amount of effort into something that yields disproportionately little results. We feel unloved, unimportant, and neglected. We think that if we work hard enough we will ‘earn’ their love.
While traveling this path we feel confused and rejected. We do not know what to think and what to believe, we do not know where this path leads and where it ends.
Will it go on forever? Will there be encouraging signs? Is it the right way to go? What if it dead ends in an unknown place, should we keep exploring, or make a U-turn? And if it seems to go on forever should we keep going on forever too? Or what if it leads to the cliff? Will we jump off the cliff to follow it further?? How much anxiety and uncertainty should we put up with to win that chance of love?
I think, it is not about them being passive or semi-interested, it is about our self-love, expectations, boundaries, and standards. Our relationships with men are the reflection of what we think of ourselves. We should love ourselves more, so murky men would have no place in our life. I hope you agree.
P.S. I understand that your situation could be unique and too complicated. If so, would you like to get help from an affordable licensed professional? If so, then I would like to recommend you this online counseling service. For a flat weekly fee you will get to talk to your counselor as many times as you need to. You will not be disappointed.
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