Are you his mommy?
Here is the scary news - you could be his mom without being aware of it.
What is wrong about being his mom anyway - you ask? Here is the wake up call: becoming his mom leads to killing romance and his sexual attraction towards you in the relationship.
When you become his mom (and him not being aware of it, because it happens on an unconscious level) results are always the same: he sees you as a sweet, kind, helpful, caring woman who he has the deepest respect for... but feels zero sexual attraction. He used to have it, but now it is gone. There is no romance in your relationship, and he may even refer to you as 'his sister'. Ouch.
What happened? Did you do something wrong? Maybe it is him? Since when did being nothing but sweet and kind become wrong? Should you have been nasty instead?
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Every man remembers his mom. Every man can recall sweet memories from his childhood about his mom and her loving, nurturing nature. Even if their relationship was not perfect, he would still agree on the following points: no matter what he did or how badly he misbehaved - his mom would always be there for him.
She was the person he could rely on no matter his behavior, even bad behavior; he knew that she was the only one in the entire world who would never betray him, and she was the woman who would stand by him to the end no matter what.
Mom's love is blind and it is true. Every mom treats her own son as a child, even if he is a grown 50 years old man!
So, what exactly should a romantic partner - the woman - be doing, or not doing, to avoid becoming his mom... or his sister?
If your man knows that no matter how badly he behaves you would still stay, your relationship will turn into a mom - son type of a relationship.
To avoid this, you need to behave like a woman with a healthy self esteem who is capable of responding accordingly when a situation calls for it. Responding accordingly means calling on his BS and showing that if he does not get his act together, he will be at a risk of losing you.
When he sees that his lousy behavior has consequences, including losing you, he will not see you as his mom anymore. He will see you as a precious romantic partner, and the relationship as something he needs to work on to keep. Different dynamics – different outcome!
AVOID being his mom! It is annoying to him, unhealthy for you, and damaging to your romantic relationship:
~ Stop checking on his every move and tracking his whereabouts. He is not a little boy needing to report to his mom on where he is
~ Giving and receiving should be equal in a relationship. If you are giving more you are ruining the balance and becoming his parent (his mom!)
~ Being sweet and nice when he is mean to you is WRONG. Distance yourself and let him face the consequences.
~ Don't offer to help until he asks. Offering to help or giving unsolicited advice makes him feel like he is not capable. He is not a little boy anymore, he IS capable.
~ Doing his laundry, cooking him meals, and cleaning his place is OK and OK only if he reciprocates on the same level with dinners, flowers, presents, romantic outings, help with groceries, etc. Otherwise, you will be giving more than receiving. This leads to becoming his parent. See above.
~ Do not schedule his day, do not follow up on his schedule, do not tell him what needs to be done or should have been done instead. Can you imagine him doing it to you?
~ Men like to be useful; men like to help and like to give an opinion. Use this knowledge! Ask for help and ask for his opinion on something that is important to you. Pleasing you, pleases him. Let him be a man!
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