You Loved Him Once and Now You Want the Whole Thing Tested

One of the stranger things that can happen after a breakup is that being angry with him is not quite enough. Suddenly you also want to go back through the entire relationship and have another look at everything, because loving him once has become extremely inconvenient.

If you are furious with him today, what exactly are you supposed to do with that lovely weekend six months ago? Or the evening when he made you laugh so hard you could barely finish dinner? Or the fact that, for a while, seeing his name on your phone genuinely made you happy?

Frankly, those memories could be a little more supportive.

Instead, they sit there looking exactly as they always did, refusing to change just because the man has since behaved badly. Not one of them has had the decency to say, Oh goodness, now that you mention it, he was dreadful.

So naturally, you begin looking at them again. Was that weekend really lovely? Was he actually that funny? Did you truly adore that ridiculous thing he used to say, or had you temporarily lost your judgment?

Before long, you have mentally carried the entire relationship into a very elegant little jewelry shop and placed it on the counter.

Could somebody please check this?

Preferably while you wait.

Suddenly, Everything Needs Testing

At first, you are fairly confident about what the jeweler is going to find. The whole thing was fake, obviously, and you would now like it returned in a tasteful velvet pouch marked WHAT WAS I THINKING?

So out come the memories, one by one. That beautiful dinner where you talked until the restaurant nearly closed goes onto the tray. The afternoon he drove across town because you had had a miserable day needs examining too. And yes, please take a proper look at that vacation you still cannot remember without recalling how happy you were.

You wait patiently for somebody to announce that the entire relationship was costume jewelry. Ideally, there will be a small sympathetic nod before the bad news, just so you know everyone agrees you were temporarily dazzled by the display case.

The trouble is, the jeweler does not give you quite the answer you came for.

A few things really were rather cheap. That apology you treasured so dearly turns out to have been mostly decorative, one or two promises do not survive close inspection, and that particular habit you once considered charming now looks considerably less charming without love standing beside it whispering, Oh, but that’s just him.

Excellent. This is going well.

Then the jeweler picks up one of the memories you were particularly hoping to have declared worthless, turns it over carefully, takes another look and gives you the news.

It is genuine.

How unhelpful.

One or Two Pieces Refuse to Cooperate

This is where anger runs into trouble, because you can dislike someone now—quite enthusiastically, if the occasion calls for it—and still have loved him then. The old happiness does not automatically become fake simply because the ending was awful, which is terribly inconvenient when you are trying to have a clean emotional clear-out.

You would much rather discover that you imagined all of it. Then the entire relationship could go into one little box, ribbon tied, lid firmly on, and be placed on a shelf so high that even nostalgia would need a ladder.

Much tidier.

But memories can be annoyingly precise. You remember how you felt, and you know you were not pretending when you curled up beside him and thought, I love this man. You were not secretly collecting material for the day you would dislike him. You were simply living inside a moment that felt completely true at the time.

And now you might not let him borrow a phone charger.

Both things can be true at once, which is not especially helpful. He was not some stranger who wandered into your life, behaved badly and disappeared before dessert.

He was not always the man you now look at and think, Absolutely not. Once, he was the man you wanted closer.

No wonder anger has such a full jewelry box to rummage through.

Unfortunately, Genuine Does Not Mean Forever

After a while, though, even you get tired of demanding that every old memory confess to being counterfeit.

Some things really were cheaper than they looked. Fine. But others are still lovely, and a few are such a muddle that even the jeweler might quietly put down the magnifying glass and suggest tea.

The past, unfortunately, has no interest in keeping up with your current opinion of him.

You can look at one memory and think, Yes, that was beautiful, then look at the man himself and think, Absolutely not.

Which is a little rude of memory, really. It could at least pick a side.

So eventually the imaginary jeweler slides the collection back across the counter. A few pieces can go. A few may stay tucked away somewhere. One or two will probably make you wonder what on earth you ever saw in them.

And the rest?

Well, they were real.

They simply do not belong in your life anymore.