He won’t say ‘I love you’ after a year
“We have been dating for a good 15 months and he has never said ‘I love you’ to me. I do not know what his problem is and why he is so uptight. We spend all of our free time together, he calls me every day, he treats me unlike any other man I have ever been with, but still no ‘I love you’ words. He keeps saying that he is not there yet. Should I wait till he finally feels it or should I leave? It really hurts!” – Helen from Minnesota.
I hear you, Helen! Unfortunately it is a very well known dilemma for many women. We need to hear their ‘I love you’ to feel confident and secure.
Them not saying ‘I love you’ is like staring at the unopened Pandora’s Box with a hidden answer in it. Will it ever come out? Will we ever find out the truth?
My experience shows that if after 12+ months a man is not sure whether he loves his woman, then he will never be sure. There is one exception to this though, and I’ll elaborate on it later in the article. As a hint (for now) – you do not want to bring him to this point.
If you have been together for over a year and he has never managed to man up and say ‘I love you’, then he probably belongs to one of these categories of men.
~ He may indeed does not feel the same. Saying ‘I love you’ to a woman is a strong aphrodisiac and most men are aware of it. They also know that saying ‘I love you’ makes a woman happy.
If he were truly THAT interested and in love, then he would not want to pass up on opportunity to make his woman happy. Saying ‘I love you’ is the easiest (and the laziest lol) way to make a woman happy. And yet… he won’t just do it.
The only thing I do not get here is why stay with a woman he does not love? Why not leave you alone and find a woman he CAN love? It’s like he either does not care who he is with or he is a loser with no standards.
~ He is slightly immature and/or is afraid of responsibility. He is afraid that after saying ‘I love you’ you will press for more. And whatever that ‘more’ is – he is not ready or does not want to give. So, basically, he is content with the way things are. He neither wants nor is ready for anything ‘more’.
You can surely blame him for being infantile and a coward because even beta males eventually get their act together, say ‘I love you’ and commit. If it has been a while and he is still ‘not ready’, then you are in a dead-end relationship with a stringer.
As an FYI: Stringer is a type of a man who will string a woman along. He may string you for years and decades… if you let him. It is YOUR JOB to recognize the situation for what it is and leave.
~ He does not think it is a big deal. As you may or may not know, most men prove their love via actions and deeds. If he thinks that he is doing a good job in a relationship with you, then he may not feel the need to say ‘I love you’.
He thinks he has already SHOWED you how much he loves you by let’s say washing your car, giving you flowers on your birthdays or ‘just because’, paying your credit card bills, driving you to a doctor, or getting a better paying job to afford your dream vacations.
If he fits this description, then he is truly into you! His aim is to make his princess happy which means you won’t have an issue with him proposing. Simply state what you need and he will do his best to deliver. You may still won’t hear ‘I love you’ , but you will surely end up with a ring that says it all to you!!
~ He is an ‘iffy’ kind of a guy who in order to realize that he loves you needs to lose you first. These are ambivalent types who are not sure what they want and feel.
They may date you forever, treat you nice 80% of the time, get cold feet when pressured into a corner, over-promise and under-deliver, take you for granted, and are full of excuses as to why this and that. They never say ‘I love you’ until the day… when you leave.
After it happens they will drunk-dial, will flood you with messages, and will spam your mailbox. Should you believe them? A BIG FAT NO. Why? Because their ‘I love you’ doesn't guarantee anything.
People do not change, and therefore what your relationship was like with them before the breakup it will be exactly the same after you get back together. 100% guaranteed.
So, as you can see now, the only type of a man we should stick with is the one who tries his best to make us happy and goes along with what we want. The other ones need to be dealt with, and pretty quickly.
You absolutely need to state what you want and see what happens. By their actions (or inactions) you will at least know where you stand! As I like to say, ladies, we do not stay with those who do not see a future with us. We just DO NOT.
It feels good when a man says ‘I love you’. But what if he does not mean it? Would you rather hear ‘I love you’ after 3 weeks and be treated poorly or never hear the words but be treated nice?
There are guys out there who throw ‘I love you’–s right and left, who clearly do not mean it, and who say such things to every woman they date. I certainly would not want you to be that woman! Honestly, I would rather not hear his ‘I love you’ than hear him saying it and know that he lies.
P.S. I understand that your situation could be unique and too complicated. If so, would you like to get help from an affordable licensed professional? If so, then I would like to recommend this online counseling service. For a flat weekly fee you will get to talk to your counselor as many times as you need to.