Red flags that your relationship is not going anywhere
Listed below are the red flags that your relationship is not going anywhere.
1. Like my friend said – “the same sh*t but different year”. One year or (maybe) two - is still acceptable, but if it has been 3+ years and it is still the same sh*t, then you have your answer. It is not going anywhere.
I once dated someone for 7 years. Of course I dumped him. But now, looking back, I can definitely tell – it was indeed the same sh*t every frigging year. How could I not have seen it back then??
2. They are always busy, even when together with you. Even if you are on vacation together, they find other things to be busy with (usually it is their job). So, you get these crumbs of attention here and there, believing that’s all they can do.
Screw these types of vacations and screw them too!
3. They have a problem holding hands with you or kissing. “I am not a great kisser” is their excuse. Have you ever heard a guy say that to you? He did not want to kiss you, that’s why.
I have to admit that when I was in my early 20's I actually believed this myth.
4. It takes them forever to return your call, sms or email. Sometimes they never do. “Oh, I got so busy, sorry baby, what was it? A text message? When did you send it? Let me check my phone. Oh, I see. Sorry about that”
To a guy who is in love, your calls and text messages are like happy rays of sunshine. They are so hard to miss! And yet, this dude won’t think of them as important enough to respond.
5. Have you tried to talk about your future together with them? Like buying a house and having kids? What was their reaction like?
I remember bringing it up in my dead-end relationship. They either won’t talk about it at all or still talk about it, but sound like there is a gross frog in their mouth.
They suddenly felt so resentful, as if it was a big inconvenience for them to simply answer my question. I almost felt sorry for them. Hmmm…. It felt like I said something wrong and had to apologize… apologize for asking!?
That’s how awkward these conversations feel when they see no future with you.
If you have not done so, I say, try it now. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
Something to keep in mind: do not ask this question after several months of dating. Wait until at least one year.
6. When on a date with you they are not focused on you. They look around, check out other women (may even flirt with them), maintain little to no eye contact and are not interested in learning about you and your life.
7. Here is another major sign: they keep you a secret and will not introduce you to their family and friends. It is just you and him.
As a result, you do not know who his friends are, what his family members are like, and overall what is going on with that part of their life. It is a blank canvas for you to only guess.
They are either embarrassed to introduce you and/or pretend to be free and single behind your back.
They won’t tie themselves down to a woman they do not want which means they are still on the lookout. If this is the case, then maybe you should start looking too.
Monkey see monkey do, you know…
8. They do not want to touch you. A subtle, but very telling sign.
9. On social media they make themselves available plus they may still date others or talk to others.
When we feel like we are a part of their harem, then we probably are.
I once got a call from a woman asking what was going on between me and her boyfriend. I was shocked because I thought the guy I was dating was my boyfriend.
When confronted his response was: “I do not know who it is”.
Do not buy into their ‘I love you’-s'. It is kind of difficult to take someone seriously who claims to love you, but also dates others at the same time. Does not make any sense!
10. They make up reasons to leave even though you wanted to spend a whole day together.
This one is especially painful when the time of getting ready for a date (getting dressed, putting makeup on, getting hair and nails done etc) is much greater than the actual length of the date!
Now, add the time of your driving to their place and here you have it: 1 hour of getting ready +a 45 min drive = a 50 min hookup.
By staying with them you reward their non-committal behavior. It is the same as saying: “I now know that you do not want to build a future with me, but I will still let you use me for sex, money, companionship, and an ego massage.
Keep doing what you are doing because I am not going anywhere. This relationship is on your terms, but no worries. Unlike the rest of the demanding women you dated before me, I want to keep it uncomplicated. Hope you will love me for it... one day... Maybe? ”
Just like men are not worried about offering us sex after only 3 dates, we should not be afraid to communicate our relationship goals. If it is commitment and marriage we are looking for – then we should say so.
Just like some women run away after premature sex offers, some men run away after commitment talk. Well, if that happens, we are not a match. Next!
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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