What happens when you go after a man who is not into you

When we notice a man we really like there is always this strange feeling like he ‘must’ like us back too… like there is no other way. We do not want to think of the possibility that we could not be his type, that he is not into us and perhaps never will be or he is involved with somebody else.

We then go ahead and do all the right moves to make him notice us too hoping against hopes he will make a move. We make it 100% obvious (sometimes too obvious!) and almost too easy for him to break the ice.

We spot the man, expect him to like us, and obsess what is wrong if he does not

“How can he not like me? There is something in his eyes, can’t he see the same? I feel like we are meant to be together. I know the feeling! If only he took a closer look. Hmmm.. why am I being ignored? Is he blind or something? Maybe I am not that obvious in showing my interest? Should I try harder to make him notice me?”

“I cannot believe he does not feel the same. Maybe if he gets the chance to get to know me better he will fall in love. I just need a chance to make him realize what he is missing. I guess, he is not getting it, and I’ll do all I can to ‘wake’ him up. I need to be patient here. Eventually things will come together and everything will work out”

“People do not fall in love at the same time. Someone has to be first. So, if it happens to be me here, then feelings will eventually catch up on his end too. I read plenty of stories like this”

My answer to these comments: there has to be initial spark. There has to be something about you that makes him go: “Hmmm… there is something different about her. I want to know more”

Think about it: men around the globe approach particular women not smiling and not looking at them all the time, and yet ‘your’ man who has got a bunch of green lights to proceed won’t do it. Does it tell you something?

This is not because he:

~ has a bad vision and cannot see anything beyond 2 feet
~ is too busy thinking of something else
~ is not aware of your presence (you are in front of him, hello!)
~ is scared or because of some other BS excuse.

He is not approaching you because he is not interested!

It really really sucks to feel rejected like this, but let’s be honest, you do not always like every man who likes you, do you?

It is sort of arrogant on our end to expect for every man we have a crush on to like us back. I know you are Special, but we can’t be liked by everybody. It is just impossible!

Since men approach women all the time (risking humiliation and rejection), our obvious interest makes it super easy for them. I’ll tell you more: alpha males do not even need it! All they need is a hot object to pursue. They won’t even stop after several rejections, crushes, and burns. See how it works?

Passive beta males are a different story. These sensitive, always hesitating and insecure, one step forward and two steps back lobster men need a lot of encouragement and green lights. And still, playful glancing and smiling at them is all they need to approach a woman they are into. But if they are not into a woman they will not approach. Period!

The point with this approaching thing is that it is absolutely OK to show initial interest, but after that it should be up to a man to step up. Be it a beta male or an alpha one – if there is initial interest on their end too things will work. Simple, right?

Now, what do you think will happen if you break the rule and still approach a man who chose not to approach you? It means that from this point forward you will be going after a man who is not into you. How exactly emotionally rewarding is that??

Dealing with a man who is not into you is like opening a giant can of worms. It is gross, terrible, discouraging, depressing, humiliating, sad and stinking crazy.

There are decent and honest men out here who will politely reject a hitting on them woman when a situation calls for it. But since we do not live in the world of decent men it means that there is another, rather dangerous and shady type - the USER – who won’t mind milking the situation to his advantage.

“She is obviously into me. I like the attention! A daily free dessert without moving a finger? Why not!”

No true feelings towards you means no romance. A man who is not in love cannot be romantic.

No romance means no dates, no passionate kisses, no holding hands, no true care, no flowers on your birthday, no genuine effort on his end, no chocolate on Valentine’s Day, no ‘I love you’ words, and of course no commitment and no ring.

No romance also means lots of excuses, lots of cheap hookups, lots of empty promises, lots of effort on your end, other women in the background, a lot of time wasted, a lot of anxiety, a lot of frustration, pain, and BS.

Notice how things are just the opposite when a man is into you.

So, when we sign up for a bad deal, why do we then wonder why things are not working out? Wasn’t it obvious from the start? Wasn’t there a delusional feeling of hope that ‘things may change’ and ‘they will grow to love me more’?

When we sign up for a sand castle or a beautiful rainbow fantasy drawn in the sky all we get is ruins and disappointment because there is no way to build something meaningful without a solid foundation present. Them being into you is the required foundation to build something meaningful and worthy. When this condition is not present everything else is pointless.

Yes, by everything else I mean your working super hard on making them love you.

Think of someone you felt no chemistry with. Would them texting you nonstop, making you laugh, being super fun, super nice and accommodating etc. make you love them? Would you suddenly fall in love with a man knowing there was no chemistry from the start and therefore no chance in hell for something serious ever happening?

We both know the answer, don’t we?

If so, then why, oh why put your tender heart on the line with someone who intentionally chose not to approach you first?

They have already decided they do not like you. They know it is not going anywhere and it shows through their ambivalent behavior, take it or leave it attitude, lazy communication style, and a lack of enthusiasm. Can’t you see it, too?

Why sign up for a non-winning, one-sided, dead-end deal? No business or a smart person would ever do something stupid like this. Be smart and vigilant, never sign up for a junky deal that does not represent your interests!

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this super affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.