Why some men are more successful with women than others
To get the best answer to this question all you need to do is to observe very closely those who are successful with women and try to figure out what it is that they do that you do not.
I’ll only share my personal experience, experience of my 2 sisters and multiple girlfriends.
Below is the description of a guy we – the women - feel drawn to. As you read through these points try to compare these behaviors to your own. Make a mental note of where you are lucking and think of fixing these gaps.
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Achievement of success is not always easy, and who said that it is? Sometimes it is just a little effort and sometimes it is huge sacrifice.
These are the traits of men who are successful with women:
~ understands our emotions and does not make fun of us or gets angry when we are upset or cry. We are especially fond of men who make an effort to understand how we feel and who are not afraid to ‘open up’ in return. The opposite of it would be an emotionally distant man who won’t open up and is very stiff at expressing himself.
~ never stops being romantic and never stops neglecting a relationship. This one is huge. Romantic means doing little things that show how you feel. It is not about washing her car, it is about lovely notes, small cute presents, flowers, romantic outings (like dinners or dancing), steady attention and lots of ‘I Love You’-s.
~ takes charge, takes the lead, does not hesitate, takes risks, moves things forward, does not lose confidence over our ‘maybe’. The opposite of it would be a passive man who is never sure, is afraid, and who takes one step forward and two steps back.
It is like that hungry lobster in a den who is afraid to get out at the risk of being eaten alive. He takes one tiny step forward and sticks 1/10 of his claw out just enough to MAYBE catch a small fish. He is hungry and miserable, but just too cautious and scared to proceed. He does not want to make a mistake because ‘something bad might happen’.
Well, what can I say to this… Lobster Men are annoying as hell and are not popular among women.
~ makes us a priority over his family and friends. Examples: ditching a barbecue/golf outing with his friends to instead having a romantic evening with us, spending more time with us instead of friends or family. These things are telling and score high points in minds of women.
~ who gives us a sense of stability and security. Examples: steady job, ability to pay bills, successful career.
In nutshell, these are the main basic traits and characteristics of men who are successful with women. In case you wonder, such men do exist.
Just like some people are naturally better in math or at singing, some men are naturally better with women. Perhaps they grew up with being surrounded by women, perhaps they had female siblings sharing their ‘girly stuff’ with them all the time, or perhaps they learned over time what works and what does not.
The point is that by knowing how much you are off from the above description of a ‘successful with women man’ you know now what your weak areas are and what should be fixed.
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Are you a Lobster Man?
A lobster man is a type of an indecisive, cautious man who is afraid to put himself out there because he does not want to make a mistake.
It is like that hungry lobster in a den who is afraid to get out at the risk of being eaten alive. He takes one tiny step forward and sticks 1/10 of his claw out just enough to MAYBE catch a small fish. He is hungry and miserable, but just too cautious and scared to proceed. He does not want to make a mistake out of fear of ‘something bad happening’.
And so, he takes his time and waits.
What is that hungry, lonely, cautious, and miserable lobster waiting for? - you ask.
He is waiting for encouraging ‘signs’ to proceed.
You see, since he is a Lobster Man he needs plenty of encouragement, plenty of flashing green lights, and perhaps a ‘welcome mat’ to make a move. He wants to make sure that once he makes that long calculated move 1) he won’t get eaten alive i.e. he won’t be taken advantage of 2) he will get exactly what he wants. And expects.
God forbid for things not to go as planned. At the first sign of it happening, he retreats back to his den and gets busy obsessing and ruminating for months of what happened and why. He wants to know where it all went wrong, where he miscalculated, why he failed and why he keeps failing time and time again regardless of being excessively cautions.
If you are a lobster man, then here is the thing for you to ponder about: if it does not work to be this particular, indecisive, and cautious – because it clearly DOES NOT work – then why won’t you stop doing what is not working? Dating insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
How exactly should things become different without giving them an opportunity to become different? How exactly are things supposed to change without giving them a reason to change?
Finally, what makes you think that the outer world
and perhaps the entire Universe
should grant you with different experiences and results
without a single effort on your part?
Just because you want things to be different doesn't mean they will magically become different. The world does not work this way.
No one owes you love and happiness. You owe it to yourself and it is up to you to make it happen. It is up to you to take a hard look at yourself and figure out what habits and believes block you from having a loving relationship. It is up to you to quit or modify what does not work and try something new.
If trying something new feels scary and uncomfortable, think of the current situation you are in: because of your behavioral pattern and the miserable result it produces, don’t you feel scared and uncomfortable already? Trying something new and different is scary, but it creates reasons for something new and different to happen. And no, the sky won’t fall down, I promise.
Change does not happen without changing your thinking and behavior, and doing the right thing does not always feel comfortable. We grow, we evolve, and we learn from our mistakes.
As I like to say, life is a cruel and a pretty damn fair bitch - it will keep dishing out the same cold meals (i.e. lessons) until we learn something.
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