I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years and now I regret it

‘I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years and now I regret it. Should I call her?’ - James from West Virginia.

Hold your horses, dear. At least for now. You have regrets now and the least thing you want to have is more regrets. Right?

When we are emotional we think and act irrationally. That means that acting under the influence of strong feelings leads to bad and sometimes embarrassing results.

And, once the horse is out of the barn it is too late. Why not do it the right way instead?

First of all, it is extremely common to have regrets after a breakup. Along with regrets, there will be sadness, depression, a sense of emptiness and many other uncomfortable feelings. Not to minimize your feelings or anything, but what you are experiencing right now are typical post-breakup blues.

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Second of all, if you DO want to give it a second chance, then you need to calm down first. Let yourself sleep on it, let some time pass by, get some distance. It will give you perspective - you will see and understand things you have not seen or understood before. You may or may not like what you’ll see, but at least you will know what you will be trying to get yourself back into.

Here is a good test to figure out whether you should try again:

Are you in pain? Are you feeling lonely? Did your self-esteem take a nose dive? Do you feel like you will never find anyone else? Are you not sure what to do with the sense of void?

Finally, do you feel like getting back together
will CURE and/or eliminate these uncomfortable feelings?

If so, then you should NOT try to get back together. Instead, you need to work on your coping skills. It is a very bad idea to get back together just for the sake of relieving pain.

Look, I get you are in pain, but getting back to a broken relationship will only replace one type of uncomfortable feelings with another. It will not fix your problem long-term. Simply admit it is over and that’s it. Please refer to my entire breakups section for more support.

If you, however, figured out what was wrong in your relationship and how you contributed to its deterioration, AND if you are willing to work on fixing its issues, then you should try to give it a second chance.

You need to admit it to your woman, and you both need to change things to make it work. Besides, as an FYI - women really like when guys admit their faults and are willing to work on relationship issues. If a woman still has feeling, she won’t be able to say ’No’ to such a guy. Guaranteed.

If it is just ‘getting back together’, then there will be a breakup #2, # 3, #10 and so on. WHAT A PATHETIC WASTE OF TIME.

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When your woman won’t believe you love her

Have you ever been involved with a woman who did not believe you loved her? It is like no matter what you do or say she would still question your love.

If yes, then I can only imagine how frustrating it feels.

This is rather a multidimensional subject to talk about and I’ll touch on the most common reasons only.

The reasons of her feeling this way and blaming you for not doing a better job of proving your love could be related to 1) her own personal issues 2) your own issues and behavior 3) you both.

1. There are women who are chronically insecure and the more you try to show them your love the more insecure they feel. They feel insecure because the love they feel from you scares them in a way that even though they have always dreamt about ‘perfect and true love’ once it is there for real they are worried that it may not last, or not 100% real. So, deep down they do sense you love them, but your ‘proving’ skills that are supposed to reassure her fears are lacking.

These insecure, anxious women need constant reassurance even though it could lead to a vicious cycle – the harder you try the unhappier they become unless… you change your ‘proving style’. It leads us to the reason number two - your own behavior.

2. Ask yourself this question: ‘What exactly am I doing to prove her my true love?’. Whatever your answer is it is not correct because if it was, she wouldn’t be such a nag. Now, I am not saying you are doing something wrong per se, what I am saying is that whatever you are doing is not working with this particular woman.

To make it work with your woman
you have to ask her directly what type of behaviors she considers
as a manifestation of ‘true love’.

You will be surprised, but some of her ‘requests’ may seem so easy and trivial, almost mind boggling ‘Really? Is that all you want me to do?’

To give you an example: many women LOVE to hear ‘I love you’ from their man. If you are very stingy about whispering ‘sweet nothings’ into her ear, then she will doubt your love.

Since every woman is different and has different insecurity levels you need to talk directly to your woman to find out what it is that is expected of you that she is not currently seeing.

3. This reason combines the above 2. If you are not willing to do investigative work to find out what it is that she needs AND if she clams up at your attempts to talk, then the issue will never get resolved.

In regards to the reason 3, I so incredibly doubt it is possible. Every woman likes to talk about feelings, love, and relationships. She will absolutely welcome your amorous attempts to make things better.

I say, just try. You have nothing to lose here.

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