Does he like me? Do not flirt with a dead fish!
“Does he like me? Maybe if I flirt a little to show my interest, things will get off the ground?” - Lily from TN.
A dead fish is a dead fish which means cold glossy eyes and zero feelings.
Nothing is wrong with taking the first step and showing the guy you like him. Just do not go too crazy with it, do not get carried away!
Being ‘in like’ or ‘in love’ with someone means being a little bit delusional. There are delusions of different kinds, but in this particular case we will talk about delusions that are the result of what the other person says or does.
Think of these examples as pure facts that happen all the time. They are proof of delusions we experience when being ‘in like’ or ‘in love’ with someone we are not sure about:
~ Oh, we just bumped into each other in cafeteria by pure accident and he said ‘Hi’. I think it means something!
~ I saw him the other day at such and such. Did he intentionally go there to see me?
~ He said something funny to me last night. Was he flirting? Looks like he was!
~ After helping me with stuff, he said ‘any time’ afterwards. Should I call him?
~ He is so nice to me… for no reason. There must be something else going on.
We then put on the best outfit, make our hair beautiful, apply makeup and hope one day they will do or say something definite to clear up the confusion. You already like them, yes, but do they feel the same?
You see, it is not like you can come up and ask them directly “Hey Mr. Tease, you are giving me mixed signals. What is going on? Do you like me or not?”
Here is the problem you have: he either does NOT like you or he is a passive beta-male who DOES like you.
Which one is which?
To get clarity, both instances – unfortunately – will require pro-activity on your part. Being proactive means risking rejection. Are you ready to be rejected?
Putting yourself out there is always risky. Men are naturally more risky than women. They face more rejections than we do and as a result have developed personal ways of dealing with them. Do you know how to deal with rejections?
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Before approaching that man you may want to make sure it is worth it. Here is the dude who is staring at you, treats you nice, smiles at you, but won’t make a move. The uncertainty drives you nuts. How can he go on like this for so long? Doesn’t he want more? Why won’t he try? Why should you be the first one to try?
The whole thing puts you on the edge and makes you really mad.
You should be. I do not blame you. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of con artists out there who won’t mind getting extra-attention. It costs them nothing.
No effort, no planning, no sacrifices, no commitment, no investment of any kind. Extra attention from a pretty woman always feels good. God knows who else is showering them with smiles and winks besides you.
That is why, as I stated earlier, it is very important to have our emotions in check until it is a definite ‘yes’. We do not want to invest in a dead fish.
Signs you are dealing with a dead fish aka a man who is NOT interested
~ A blank stare combined with an artificial stupidity. Many men resort to this tactic: they pretend like they ‘do not get what is going on’ when a woman explicitly flirts or hits on them. Yes, they play stupid hoping you will get it.
~ We all know that dead fish cannot swim. It lies motionless on the ground until hit by a wave. And then – oh miracle - it moves! Bluh. We all know what it means. It means that until you make a move they won’t move.
You smile – they smile back, you say hi – they high-five back, you say “good morning” and they text you back the same thing. It is always a reaction to what you did and never the opposite. Verdict – they are a dead fish not worthy of your time!
~ It stinks like hell to deal with a dead fish. The whole experience just freaking stinks. Things do no change no matter what you do! What keeps you going however is the nagging feeling that something is just about to change.
It is like a new relationship waiting around the corner. It feels so close, it feels so real, it is like almost here… IF ONLY they did something. But they never do. A dead fish is a dead fish. Stop fiddling with it. Just stop it.
~ Since dead fish won’t talk, it will be your job to figure out that it is indeed dead. Without saying a word they will work extra hard to show where you stand should you cross the line.
Watch out for a sudden coldness, unexplained formality, distance, change of attitude and likewarm friendliness - this behavior is a signal that you are not welcome. They know you like them. Distancing from you is their way of saying to bug off.
If you won’t stop fiddling with a dead fish you will eventually feel stupid. Really really stupid. And embarrassed too. I say ladies, stop making a fool of yourself, that dead fish is not worthy of your time.
Hello, the writing is on the wall!
Showing interest is OK, but getting carried away with it is not. We do not show our interest to make them interested. We show our interest to give them the green light in case they are interested.
Getting carried away means living in denial.
So what if they treat you nice? Did they ask you out?
So what if they call you ‘sweetie’? Do they want you to be their girlfriend?
So what if they flirt back? Flirting does not mean a relationship or ‘I love you’.
There is nothing worse than putting energy and emotions into a man who does not care. That’s just like living in denial and not seeing things for what they are.
Our self-esteem suffers, our sense of sell-value takes a nose dive and the whole setup makes us suddenly question everything: “Will I ever find love?”, “Why won’t they want me? Is there something gravely wrong with me??”
I say, do not get carried away with a man who is not interested and you won’t have to go through this depressing experience.
In case he is a passive beta-man, you may want to continue reading here. I wrote an entire article about this type and how to deal with it.
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