Signs you are dating a beta male
If you are currently dating a beta male, then there is a big chance that you are 1) confused about his interest level 2) annoyed as hell because he won’t pursue you as much.
Well, hello ladies. Let’s talk about feminine beta males. Let’s talk about what it is like dating a feminine beta male - what you should pay attention to, what to avoid, what you should and should not do; plus how to stop feeling unloved, rejected, confused, paranoid, and miserable.
Below are 5 signs you are dating or in a relationship with a feminine beta male (aka a Lobster Man)
~ When you first meet he gives you his card and says ‘call me’. Don’t you hate it? Why in the world should YOU call HIM?? Doesn’t he get how awkward it feels to a woman??
He gave you his card because he was 1) interested and 2) is afraid of rejection.
Unlike Alfa males, who go after what they want, the feminine ones are always in ‘doubt’. They do not want to impose and prefer ‘to be chosen’ (by you). So, when you DO call, it gives them reassurance that you are interested. You know, just like that insecure female.
Give him his card back with your number or e-mail written on it and let him contact you. Such a gesture of yours should be a clear sign that you are interested and he has a green light to proceed.
~ He won’t believe you are interested in him. He may not think of himself as being ‘interesting’, and therefore when you express interest he may act suspicious. If he has money he may think you are after his assets, if it is something else, then he will think you are a sneaky fox with ulterior motives.
This particular beta male is not just ‘beta’, he is a male with low self-esteem. These insecure types are especially hard to deal with because rather than enjoying a relationship you will be too busy fixing their ego.
Here is a real example: if you meet online and he thinks he ‘does not deserve attention of such a great woman’ he may enquire your photo with today’s newspaper. As he explains it – he wants to make sure you are not a scam.
Ask yourself this: am I looking to be in relationship WITH someone or FOR someone? If it is WITH someone, then it has to be healthy, balanced and equal, if it is FOR someone, then you are putting yourself on a line for another damaged individual. Do not try to fix his problems for him!
~ He won’t initiate the next move. Quite often male’s ‘beta-ness’ and insecurity go hand in hand. Let’s pretend you have been dating for a while and it is time to become intimate. Everything has been great and you are dying of desire. You want him to make the move, but he stalls. Later on, when you have ‘the talk’, he reveals that he did not make the move because there were not enough of encouraging signs. WHAT???
Yep! He expected you to make the move first and be point blank about it.
Here is a real example: “…there were no hand touching and you were not looking into my eyes as much. You did not seem like you were ready”. These words belong to a beta-male who needed extra reassurance from a woman to move things forward. He was too timid to take the lead and expected it to come from the woman.
And, if you are a traditional old-fashioned woman who expects for the male to take the lead, then can you possibly imagine how such a timid and indecisive behavior of a beta male would come across? That’s where many women go wrong. They think he is not interested meanwhile he IS interested, but just too insecure to show it. You both wait for the other to initiate, which is a recipe for disaster.
With beta males you will have to be explicit with what you want. Remember, they need extra reassurance and tons of green lights to make things happen. If they are not sure they would rather not take a risk… you know, just like us, females.
~ He would rather follow than be followed. Their ‘beta-ness’ spills over to other areas of their life, and if you are observant enough you may see plenty of examples.
For example: they may graduate from a college but their career achievements won’t be as impressive - it is the proactive and aggressive Alfa males who become directors, VPs, CFO and CEOs.
In dating and relationships such males expect rather to follow than be followed. So, with this being said, in case you are involved, he will gladly follow YOU. If you become a director, VP, CFO or CEO in your relationship, he will happily assume the role of a supervisor and be done with it.
It is not like he is stupid, lazy or uninterested, it is just his personality. If you are naturally proactive and like to make things happen, then you will do great with beta-men. As a matter of fact, if you are the type who likes to take charge - it is my way or the highway - then you won’t be compatible with strong and stubborn Alfa males.
~ He is a ‘yes’ man. Do not confuse it with being submissive though. He does have his own opinions. Saying ‘yes’ to you means he just wants to please. He wants to go with the flow and he wants you to be happy. Whatever you say or do will be welcomed. You are the CEO and he is a supervisor, remember?
Beta males have low success rate with women because they do not come across as ‘protectors’. We need to feel like the man we are with can provide and protect. That’s what makes us secure and want to stay.
With beta-males, where we feel like we need to take charge most of the time, we feel like we are the ones who have to protect. We feel like these insecure and feminine beta-males are our beta-boys. I mean, it is like they are our children who need to be taken care of and supervised.
Dealing with such men wakes up our motherly instinct which, quite often is on an unconscious level, makes us behave as if we were their mother. We tell them what to do, we supervise and remind; we become their caring mom and they – our little helpless pajama boy. This kind of set up will eventually open another can of worms which will result in the loss of attraction and deterioration of a relationship.
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