Have you been having a crush on someone for months now?
Have you been having a crush on someone for months now? Have you been wondering if they feel the same?
Have you been going insane over this splinter in your heart with no relief in sight?
I say, do not waste your time wondering and hoping, because they do not feel the same. If they did, you would be in a relationship already.
The reason your crush has been lasting for so long is because it is one-sided. There is no such a thing as a ‘mutual crush’ that does not go anywhere.
When 2 people have feelings for each other things progress. The only reason it has been stale for months is the lack of interest on their part.
What if I confess? – you ask.
Confessing feelings to someone you are not sure about is the same as asking them on a date. Do you feel they would be up to it? What are the chances of them saying no?
Since it is one-sided the chances of being rejected are very high. Multiple YouTube videos on this subject prove this point.
Just do a search on YouTube “should I confess about my crush” and see the comments below. 99.99% of those who confessed were rejected. Some of them lost friendship with the person and some felt super awkward after that.
“…ahem… I feel emotionally disturbed, cross-eyed and disoriented. I think I have a crush on you. It has been like 10 years in penis years and I cannot take it anymore. I want you to be mine”
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Overall, the less you communicate and the less you know them, the higher the chance of rejection.
If you do want to confess, then please understand that the confession should be about you. It should be about closure. It should be about your aching heart that needs to heal. Many people felt a great deal of relief after getting it off their chest.
You are certainly welcome to confess, but I would not recommend it. It is like being trapped in a box with a snake – approach it too close and it will bite.
I do not see the point of putting yourself in a vulnerable position and getting rejected. Depending on your circumstances rumors may spread. Things may get super complicated between you two.
They may start acting really weird (like they have been sniffing glue or something lol) or they may suddenly get really sick of you, block you everywhere etc... Who knows?
Let their ambivalence and the lack of proactivity be your closure. Let the longevity of your crush be your huge hint and a guide.
The longer you have had a crush on them the clearer the picture: they are not interested. Sorry.
Let me repeat again: mutual attraction is very easy. When people are drawn to each other there is nothing that can stop that force. I know that secretly you agree with this.
Processing the loss
And even though you were not in a relationship it may feel like a ‘breakup’: the same pain, the same sense of loss.
I hear you! Yes, you should treat it as a breakup and grief the loss. If it feels like a loss to you, then it is a loss. And no matter what other people say (or call it ‘ridiculous’), you just do what is right for you.
The same post-breakup rules still apply. In my breakup section you will find a ton of supporting and caring articles.
The fantasy story. (I bet you can relate)
You now know they do not feel the same, now what?
Like it is not enough, looking back only adds to the injury. How could you be so delusional? How could you not see it for what it was? … which is Nothing. They felt Nothing.
Remember stealing glances and wondering if they felt the same? Wondering if they felt what you felt at that exact moment?? Then sadly watching them pass by or walk away, fighting the urge to look back to check if they looked back at you too?
They never did and now you know why. They had no idea they were being watched. They never did and never will.
But what about the ‘maybe’ part? What’s up with that stupid hope? Can we still hope that this time around they will finally look at you differently and the world will shine with bright colors?
We know the words they would say, the beautiful things they would do, the way they would kiss us for the first time and the way they would hold your hand.
Everything would be easy and simple, because when we dream we know. They are our Dream, and our Dream is Them.
So much time…
So much time wasted looking for the meaning where there is none and so much time wondering if they feel the same. So much time…
So much time living in a fantasy world, so much time thinking and over-analyzing, desperately trying to understand. So-so much time…
So much time spent on catching the little ‘hints’ and so much time reading into them… and then desperately grasping for anything resembling a shred of hope, the hope that they may finally feel the same.
So much time wasted in self-blame and criticism “If only I was taller (or shorter), more chatty (less chatty), fatter or slimmer, said this instead of that, everything would have been different between us. Since they do not respond in kind, I must have done something very wrong. Something is wrong with me…”
And then there is this shame of realizing the insanity of our thoughts, and wondering if we are crazy.
Should it be this crazy complicated? Why is it so hard to figure them out?? Had they felt the same, wouldn’t it be more obvious? And if it was more obvious it would certainly feel less crazy, wouldn’t it??
Does the degree of “craziness” indicate the degree of reality i.e. the crazier the charade the less chances they feel the same? Was all that looking, watching, glancing and smiling for nothing?
If they were to share the same fantasy...
If they were to share the same fantasy, wouldn’t everything fall into place right away? Wouldn’t they look back too, watching you pass by?
Wouldn’t they try to say something or do something to bring you two closer??
Wouldn’t you catch them staring and grasping for shreds of hope that you may feel the same? Wouldn’t they think and over-analyze, and try to figure you out too??
And since you have given them all the hints in the world to make it crystal clear (and not confusingly crazy) why aren’t they picking up on them??
It is because they are not there to pick up on hints. They do not live in the dimension you do. They do not share your dream, are not present, and you are standing alone.
You have never had them, but the sense of loss is profound. How can someone feel Nothing when you feel so much?
When a fantasy world crashes into a million pieces…
When a fantasy world crashes into a million pieces, we may still look back when they pass by, but this time there won’t be figuring things out and there won’t be hope.
There will be no dream and no hope; just the bitter ending of something that never started and never came to life.
The bitter truth… without a single word uttered. The bitter swamp of illusions.
When there is no hope there is no future. There is nothing to look forward to, nothing to dream about, and nothing to figure out.
Goodbye letter to your crush:
I have finally realized that I spent way too much time yodeling in the wrong cave. But as they say, if you do not sniff it, you do not know what it is. Now I know. We are too different. Being a chronic masturbator is not for me. Ta-ta.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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