Did they break up with you out of the blue?
Did they just break up with you out of the blue with no explanations of any kind leaving you breathless and paralyzed?
Usually breakups do not just happen. There are always signs. Perhaps you had some complex issue going on that never got resolved or perhaps it was clear to the both of you that things were not working out. Life happens, I guess, but at least you knew what was coming.
But, how about the breakups that happen out of the blue? The ones you did not see coming?
It is especially confusing when they do and say things that contradict an upcoming ending.
They may book a vacation with you, send balloons for your birthday, act super loving and romantic, say all the right things, and act super helpful.
They may call everyday to ask how your day was, drive you places, cook meals and do all the kinds of things that scream “You Are Special to Me”.
That’s why when it all suddenly ends it makes no sense to us.
Now, I can give you a 100% guarantee that what just happened was not sudden to them. They did not just wake up one morning and realized they wanted to end it. There was an internal dialog in their head about leaving you, and it was going on for quite some time. The reason you had no idea what was coming is because you were not part of that dialog.
The relationship was not what you thought it was. It felt differently to them and they chose not to communicate it to you.
I bet they saw a lot of ‘faults’ with you or even tiny insignificant things that made them change their mind. Most of those were probably imaginary anyway, because when we care or love someone we are patient, understanding, and forgiving.
Do you remember them making comments over seemingly insignificant things? Do you remember them fussing over minor issues? Those could be your signs.
How about your overall communication style? Did you argue about stuff? Did you have fights and reconciliations or was there always peaceful bliss?
No arguing is another clue that something was off. You shouldn’t be afraid to speak up in a relationship.
Were you afraid to rock the boat? Were they afraid to do the same? Were you, them or both of you sweeping things under the rug pretending it was not there? Maybe you tried to bring your point across but they did not feel like ‘participating’?
If they knew it was going to end, then arguing and fixing things was not worth it to them.
Think of those times when they ignored your pleas to talk things through or see a counselor. Think of those times when they refused to work on the relationship. That’s your clue that the end was near.
Sometimes, the writing is on the wall; maybe not so explicitly, but still a tiny hint… a glimpse of what’s coming.
How about them saying they were ‘Just fine’ when you sensed they were not?
You: Are you OK? Everything is OK? Something bothers you?
They: No worries, I am fine! Everything is great!
Conflicted and confused you digress: ”Well, they said they are fine so I suppose we are still cool”
That’s your yet another clue – the nagging feeling that something is wrong and them not willing to talk about it.
They did not want to discuss inner issues with you because, ahem, now we know why. It was pointless to them. They felt like it was a waste of time!
The worst thing you could do to yourself now is to chase after them to get answers. They may refuse to talk, stonewall, or say something bogus to brush you off.
This is not what you want to deal with when grieving a lost relationship. Chasing after them will make you feel powerless and defeated. In the end, you still won’t get the answers you need. Besides, no amount of questions and answers will revive the dead relationship. Why waste energy then?
Since they were not open and honest before the breakup, do not expect them to be open and honest after it is over.
I would just let it go. All I know is that those who break up like this have severe communication issues and perhaps a bunch of other baggage too.
And, please remember, them leaving you out of the blue had nothing to do with your worthiness.
In the future, it is better to keep an eye on the above mentioned ‘clues’ and address them immediately.
It is also much better and healthier to be in a relationship with a person who is not afraid to be honest and open with you; with someone who is not afraid to speak their mind and be curious about yours; with someone you could say anything freely and not be judged; and with someone you feel comfortable, secure, and confident.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - You do not need to be on the same page with them to move on and Getting over your breakup - it is all about memories or if you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.