Your Letters

After 3 years together my girlfriend says she needs to ‘find herself ’ and that we need to take a break from this relationship. I am confused.

Want my true and simple answer? It is time to move on.

Here is what her words actually mean (she is just too chicken to say it as it is): “ I don’t love you anymore and I don’t see a future with you. You have been so nice to me and I do not want to hurt you with the truth”

Want to play games too?

Agree with what she says!

I know, it is counter-intuitive, but it may make her see you in a different light and reconsider her decision.

“Sure my sweetheart, I agree with you 100%. It is time for you AND ME to take a break from this relationship. I need some time alone to find myself too”. Then – disappear. Let her miss you!

Other than that, there is nothing you can do about it. She wants to move away from you. A loving woman would want the opposite. See the difference? She is not a loving woman.

Hey, you deserve a loving woman who wants to be with you. Let her go. Most relationships do not work out anyway.

How can I know I have true feelings for him because of ‘him’ and not because he is not available?

Good question!

Look into your past. Do you tend to lose attraction in situations where an unavailable man becomes available?

Also, look at his flaws. Are you tolerating those flaws because of him? Can you tolerate the same flaws in other people too? Does he have deal breakers?

For example. Let’s say you have great time management skills and are always on time and punctual. And let’s say he is extremely disorganized, almost always late, and forgets things.

Could you tolerate these exact flaws in your friends or would they drive you crazy? Are you tolerating his flaws because they seem ‘cute’ and because you ‘love' him?

Is he someone who couldn’t even get laid at the
bottom of the sea with a tank of oxygen?

Why it matters.

He is unavailable now and the things are rosy. The limited-time you spent together is all about romance. You do not know him completely and the enigma is always attractive.

However, once he is fully available, the dynamic of your time together will dramatically change. His major flaws (and yours, by the way) will come out to the surface and manifest themselves in a very powerful way. They will eventually become grounds for fights, tension, anxiety, the true revelation of who he actually is… and the loss of attraction.

Take a closer look at his flaws and assess your compatibility. No compatibility –> no long-term love. So yes, in essence, it does not matter what you feel now. All that matters is whether you are compatible.

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.

I just started dating someone I really like, but they have terrible breath. How do I tell them?

Oh, sorry to hear that! Dating someone with breath that smells like owl droppings is not fun.

I see several creative options.

~ Wait till you are comfortable with each other and then tell them

~ On your next date say this: “I have a dental cleaning scheduled next week so we may have to move our date ..blah blah blah” .. and then “ by the way, when was it last time you saw your dentist dear? I really care about you and do not want your bad breath to cause issues with your health”.

They may or may not be shocked to learn the ‘truth’, but at least next time their kiss is rejected, they won’t take it personally. They will know why.

~ When on a date: ”I am so sorry darling I like you so much, but it seems like we need some refreshment here. Let me take care of you!” Then open a box of mints and offer to take one. He will get it!

After that, switch the subject immediately (onto something pleasant). You do not want them to feel awkward, embarrassed, or uncomfortable.

Dates are all about good experiences!

~ Reach out to your purse and give them the mints saying: “Here, take one”. Take one for yourself as well and move on immediately.
They may bring it up and all you should say is “Yeah, I think you need one, no big deal.. we all have bad days”

My girlfriend is too good looking for me (I think) and it makes me feel very insecure

Well, she obviously does not feel the same (like you are not a match), otherwise, she would not be your girlfriend, right?

Every man believes that ‘his’ woman is the best and the most beautiful woman in the world. Every single man. So, what you are experiencing here is a self-esteem issue.

You believe that you are not good enough to deserve something good

You should be like”I have a gorgeous girlfriend and we make a great couple!”, but instead you are like “I have a gorgeous girlfriend and I’m terrified”.

You should feel proud, not insecure. You should feel happy, not terrified. You should feel comfortable, not disturbed.

You should be all of those good things, and the fact is that you are NOT.

Why?

Again, a deep-rooted self-esteem issue.

This kind of mindset may actually negatively affect your current relationship.

You need to dig deeper to figure out what is wrong. You don’t want this to fester. These things tend to spill over to other areas of life.

There are a lot of self-help books, classes, and courses out there. Just pick whichever you like. You could also try to speed up the whole thing by talking to a therapist. They are very good at what they do.

If you do nothing it won’t change. These things need to be addressed.

Sorry I couldn’t give you a better answer.

What are the signs your significant other does not love you anymore?

You will feel it in your gut.

Now, keep in mind that attachment is stronger than love. So, even though they may not love you anymore, they may still keep doing all those things (to some degree) out of a sense of attachment and habit.

~ Physical affection will be non-existent or greatly diminished. Your attempts of affection will be denied.

~ The same will go for cute little things they used to do to just ‘make your day’. You know what they are (or were?)

~ There won’t be sparks or excitement in your presence.

Take a look into their eyes. See that nothingness?

~ There will be no effort, no support, no help, and no true compassion. There will be no time for you. No time for You and Him.

The moving on process will start taking place and depending on your situation (married or single), things will go downhill once that process begins.

For single people: the relationship will die and the breakup will be imminent.

For married people: they may just go through the motions, paying their mortgage and taking care of kids. It will be a sad marriage that may or may not end in divorce.

On a positive note – life goes on! There is always a chance of New Love happening!

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