Dating is hard. One constantly has to wonder what's going on

Dating is so hard. It is like you constantly have to wonder what the hell is going on.

First comes the online profiles. If you have been around the block a couple of times, then you probably know by now that online profiles are full of bullshit (yours included).

Well, not all of them, of course, but most of them are. And since you are not sure which one is which, you may understandably wonder:

“Are they lying about their age? How old are their pictures? Will they look like their pictures? How about those walks on the beach? Are they for real? Why should I even believe what they posted here?? Who am I? A fool?”

We do not want to be fooled, of course, but at the same time beef up our own profiles to get an edge… and think nothing of it.

We do not see it as lying, but tell me how is it not?

Guys – adding extra inches to a height, hoping a woman wearing heels will not notice.
Women – deducting extra pounds to seem lighter hoping a guy won’t see.

Let’s move on to the talking part. That’s when it gets really screwy. Screwy to the point of having sleepless nights and checking cell phones every 5 minutes... constantly wondering.

“What did he mean by that? So, does she like me or not? Is he telling the truth? Is he a player? Is he after sex only? Why isn’t she responding? Should I contact her one more time? How come it has been 3 days and I have not heard from him? Is she into me? Is he for real? Who else is he corresponding with? That text did not seem like it was meant for me. Is there somebody else? But how can I ask? It would not be appropriate at this point. I do not want to look needy”

Try to eat, work, function and sleep properly while going through all this.

Good luck with that.

The only way to stay sane is to eject yourself from this malarkey, BUT then what would we have left? Lonely nights and boring dinners in front of the TV? Nope, we have been through this already. Not gonna work. Who quits halfway?

Back to the madness, the madness of actual dating aka meeting in real life.

This is when a complete mindfuckery takes place. If you hadn’t gotten screwed by the talking part, this will be your next chance. Did you watch the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle”? Exactly, how many of those date types happen in real life? 0.01% .. maybe?

The rest is not like that, which means - disappointment.

And as a result, here we are again, sitting and wondering:

“Hmmm… he looks nothing like his pictures. How old is he exactly?? Why is she late? I hope she will show up. How much longer should I wait? Is this our first last date? I think I am in love, will I see her again? Why didn’t he call, I thought we had a great date. Did I sleep with him too soon? Is it because I did not sleep with him right away? Did she like me? I do not want to look needy so I won’t call for 3 days. Do I have a bad breath? I wish I knew what he feels. I feel hurt and I do not know how to get over it. Why isn’t he calling? Did he lose interest? Are they interested or NOT????”

Here is the deal: there is no way of knowing one's interest level, because they may not even know it themselves!

Situations at this point are extremely unstable and fluid. Things and feelings change in an instant and no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

No one knows. Even YOU.

We do not always know what we feel ‘for sure’ either. We may feel different (about the same person) on different days. One day they seem wonderful, but the other – not so much.

ME: So what do you think has changed to make you feel that they may not be so wonderful??

YOU: I do not know

ME: But didn’t you enjoy the date?

YOU: Yes I did, but I feel conflicted. Maybe I need more time?

Me: Don’t they deserve to know?

YOU: Sure, they do, but I have no answer YET. I may wake up tomorrow and feel different. I do not know. This meeting new people thing is so confusing.

A confused state of mind is linked to confusing behaviors.

“I want him, but I do not want him. I will go on a date, but I’ll cut it short. I like him, but I am not sure”
Confusing feelings result from a confused mind. It is a full-blown mindfuckery!

Knowing what we know now, let’s attempt to answer some of these, shall we?

Q: Does she like me?
A: She has no idea

Q: Will he call me back?
A: He does not know it yet. Maybe tomorrow he will. Who knows?

Q: How come he is not calling me back?
A: He does not know if he wants to

Q: Is he looking for a girlfriend? His profile does not say anything.
A: He does not know what he is looking for. Life will tell… Maybe?

Q: Is he into me?
A: Again, he does not know.

Q: What are his intentions? Is he serious?
A: He will see where it goes.

Q: Will I ever see him again?
A: You may or may not. Don’t attempt to clarify it with him. If he has a bad day the answer will be ‘no’.

Q: Will we go out again? What is he thinking?
A: Are you confused too? That’s what he is thinking too. He is confused!

Dating is the process where no one knows anything for sure. Neither you nor him. This whole wondering thing is nothing but the result of a confused mind.

And a confused mind is the default state of mind of those who actively date. And since confusing minds produce confusing behaviors, we are left to be stuck with mindfuckery.

Who said that everything needs to be defined within 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month? Let’s take it easy!

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