I am a nice guy and I do not have a girlfriend. Why?
‘Hello, I am a typical nice guy who is loyal, caring, and who knows how to treat women. If this is what women want in a guy, then why am I still single?’ – R. from UK
Let me slightly elaborate on what you have just said here by adding a female’s perspective, OK?
Which one describes you more closely:
1. ‘I am a typical nice guy who is loyal, caring, considerate, who is afraid to say ‘No’ for the fear of hurting her feelings, is waiting for her to initiate because I would rather be 100% sure she feels ‘the same’, not willing to rock the boat, rather timid and shy, and who won’t take a risk approaching a woman unless there is a definite green light emanating from her’
2. ‘I am a typical nice guy who is loyal, caring, and considerate but who is not afraid to say ‘No’ when a situation calls for it, who would rather initiate than sit and wait on sidelines, who is decisive and confident, and who would rather face risk of rejection than miss out on an opportunity with an attractive woman’
If you are a guy #2 then I highly doubt you have problems with women. Various social events and dating websites is where you can meet more people.
If you are a guy#1 then you do have a problem.
You problem is the ‘energy’ you bring into a potential relationship.
You are not masculine enough
or in other words - you are too feminine.
There are men who look like men and dress like men, but think and behave like females. It is very hard for us women not to notice. We are drawn to masculinity not femininity. We are drawn to strong, confident and decisive leaders who do not hesitate to pursue and who like to be in charge.
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Since you are nothing like that, most women won’t feel attracted to you, and since it is all on an unconscious level, many of them won’t even know why they feel no chemistry despite the fact that you are a REALLY nice guy.
As there is no magic pill to take to change your personality here is what you could still do: since you are on the passive side, you need to expose yourself to as many females as possible (think of a dating website) and wait for the aggressive ones to hunt you down.
Just like there are feminine men out there, there are masculine females also. These aggressive women-achievers like to take charge and have things done their way. If you go along with one of them you will end up being paired with a dominant woman who won’t mind doing all the work in the relationship (including proposing).
That’s the only solution I see PROVIDED you don’t want to work on becoming more masculine and therefore attracting more feminine females.
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How to relax around beautiful women
If you feel nervous around beautiful women and find it difficult to relax, then let me tell you this – IT IS OK.
First things first: although it may not help to address your anxiety much, I would still want you to understand that perception of beauty is something that is not the same for everyone: what is beautiful to you may not be as beautiful or stunning to someone else.
This major point leads to the following: you do not just feel anxiety around beautiful women, you feel anxiety around those who you find attractive FOR YOU.
Let’s dig deeper. What is your anxiety about?
It is about your fear of rejection.
Fear of rejection is the type of anxiety that brings suppressed insecurities and vulnerabilities to the surface. The more we like a person the more scared and more self-conscious we feel. We think that the stakes are so high that a little deviation from the ‘I am self-confident’ script will lead to irreversible damage and kill off our chances.
Well, guess what?
Women feel insecure too. Even the good looking ones. Some of them do not even think they are good looking in the first place.
When you are on a date with a woman you like (because you think she is beautiful and is your type) she wants to feel like you like her as well and your awkward shyness and anxiety will be a clue that you actually DO.
You won’t believe how it makes us women feel. We want to be liked, but we are too insecure to ask about it directly.
When your behavior answers this burning question
we feel tremendous relieve and as a result we like you more, NOT LESS.
We take your shyness as a compliment!
It is OK to feel nervous around a woman you like. After several dates it will get easier. Stop being so hard on yourself and think like you have to deliver a 5 star performance on your first date with a beautiful woman. Most first dates are incredibly awkward and nerve wrecking anyway. You have your own insecurities, she has her own – you are in the same boat!
What you can do however, is to plan your date. Make a plan of where you go and get a mental list of subjects ready to talk about. Having structure will make it more dynamic, interesting, and easier on you. If you are too nervous make it all short and sweet. It will get better over time and having longer dates will feel more comfortable.
If she likes you she will be back, if not then it is onto THE NEXT. At least you tried.
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