Your Letters

I love my girlfriend, but I started having feelings for someone else too. I do not want to ruin my current relationship. Please help!

Here is the deal: you will always have opportunities to ruin your primary relationship. The only question is – will you act on them?

Having a girlfriend or a spouse does not mean loss of ability to feel attraction towards others and have feelings for someone else. It is just the nature of life!

So what if you have feelings for someone else? What if your girlfriend likes someone else too? If she is committed to YOU, then she won’t act on those urges. How about you?

Are you committed to her? Let the other woman know that you are in a committed relationship. Ask her to respect it and cease all contact.

You do not have a loser tattoo on your forehead, do you?

This is how you do not ruin your current relationship. Ready to take those steps?

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.

Did he break up with me for good? When he saw me he said he was confused and that he needed time to think things through.

It looks like you want him back. Otherwise, why bother with his comment, right?

There is a huge possibility that he is regretting the breakup, BUT in order for him to realize it completely, you need to leave him alone.

Why?

Silence creates space, and where there is space there is a distance. And, it is the distance that opens our eyes and makes things crystal clear.

That is why you need to give him this gift – the gift of missing YOU. The gift of seeing your relationship from afar and the opportunity to appreciate it and really miss it.

Why rock the boat? It is the man who needs some rocking IN a boat!

Bugging him eliminates this possibility completely and increases the chance of his breaking up with you for good and moving on completely.

His confusion was a good sign.

I say, disappear on him. Go do your own thing. If he has feelings for you he will be back.

Do men regret breaking up with a woman they loved so much?

Did you know that over 70% (if not 80%) of divorces are initiated by women? Also, did you know that, unlike men, women do not need somebody else on the side to break off a primary relationship?

What it tells us is that when a man breaks up with a woman he loved so much there is a huge chance that he still will NOT regret it.

He may feel guilt and experience mixed feelings, but the point is – he beat the statistics and initiated the breakup first. Plus, there is a huge chance also that there was another woman waiting on him. Men do not like to be alone. They would rather stay in a shitty relationship than be alone.

So yes, when he does decide to leave it means that there is somebody else too.

Somebody else means New Love, New Life, and New Future

Step into his shoes for a moment. If you had an opportunity for new love, new life, and a new future would you think about your ex?

I do not have a girlfriend, and because of this, I feel very lonely. How do I stop feeling like this?

Something tells me that even if you did have a girlfriend, your neediness would scare her away.

You need to work on fulfilling your life and not to expect for someone else to make you feel fulfilled.

Forget about getting a girlfriend and start making ‘just’ friends with women. Making just friends takes the pressure off.

The best (and guaranteed!) way to meet women is to join some classes or clubs that are popular among women. Cooking or dancing come to mind.

Make sure you look good, sound pleasant, and come across as confident. Smile, be friendly, say ‘Hi’, ask how her day was, give her a compliment. Start conversations!

How to never get a girlfriend and forever be lonely: stay home, never go out, stare at your PC, work 24/7, look sloppy, gain weight, become depressed.

Do not do any of those things!

I am a big pregnant bird covered with spiders and no one wants me

We only meet when ‘I’ feel like it and I won’t let her see me when ‘she’ wants. Am I being too selfish?

Of course you are. Imagine her doing it to you, how would you feel?

Something does not seem right. You are either not compatible or there is no true attraction between you two. Do you even want to be in this relationship??

Ok, let’s see. What else do we want to see when we ‘feel like it’?

Movies, concerts, certain friends, cities, exhibitions, coffee shops, sports events, places, etc. – are the things we only see when we ‘feel like it’.

Your girlfriend appears to be on this list for some reason too. Hmmm…

See the issue here? You don’t have a girlfriend. You just have a ‘thing’ in your life to attend to when you ‘feel like it’.

This sort of arrangement will work conflict-free only with a woman who possesses the same level of selfishness, independence, and desire for personal space (besides doormats, who tolerate literally everything).

In the rest of the cases, I cannot see it working long-term, unfortunately. Relationships are two-way streets. One-sided ones are destined for a dead end.

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