When they suddenly cut you off and everything ends abruptly
"Hello, can someone please help me to understand? We had a great connection, I thought he was my soul mate, my most trusted friend and everything. I thought that this was it and my search was over… until one day, when it all ended abruptly.
He vanished after we decided to move in together. I talked to his friends and was told that he is just the kind of a person that many people were unhappy with. I do not know if these two are related, but ending it abruptly without a word?? Couldn’t he at least say something? I feel angry, lost and devastated. Didn’t I deserve an explanation?" - Helen W.
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When they relocate to another city, state or country and ultimately end everything abruptly, we may wine and pine over the loss for a while, but we also know that it was not our fault that it ended. It makes it easier to overcome the loss and is not as damaging to our self-esteem.
It is when they are here and now and then cut you off completely without a warning or explanation that makes it hard to comprehend. And as time goes on and you think of all the good (and forget all the bad) you had together it may feel like even a greater loss… like a stolen future.
As they go on with their life and act like you never existed it really sucks big time because you refuse to believe you did not matter. If you DID matter, then why would they leave? If you DID NOT matter, then why have a relationship with you in the first place? Did something change? Was there some sort of transition between ‘matter’ and ‘not matter’? When exactly did it happen and how come there were no signs?
Then you go ahead and play it back, desperately searching for hidden signs and clues trying to figure out that exact moment when you screwed up. You may not find anything major or not find anything at all - anything justifying such a brutal end – but at the end of the day, you may still end up blaming yourself:
~ there must be something wrong with me. Perhaps they felt too embarrassed to point it out
~ perhaps there was a major deal breaker. I wish I knew what it was.
Those who leave a seemingly great relationship without warning or explanation are actually telling you something, and this something is this:
”Since there is nothing wrong with you as a person
and since you are a great person, I cannot blame the end of this relationship on YOU.
Since you did nothing wrong to make it fall apart, and since I still want out
I would rather cut it all off and be done with it.
I am afraid to admit that I am scared, confused, and unhappy.
I am not fully sure what I feel.
All I know is that I want out.”
And later on:
“Talking to you about it would mean
dealing with your emotions and attempts to change my mind.
I do not want to face your emotions or face responsibility for my actions.
I just want out”
Here is an excerpt from a letter of one of our male readers: "I’m one of those who is capable of leaving abruptly. I just left a great woman because I was not feeling happy. It definitely was me, not her.
During our 3 year relationship I kept expressing my dissatisfaction periodically, but she kept reminding me of good things that we had. I guess she was right and so I stayed.
At some point in time, I just could not take it anymore. I packed my stuff and left. I did not want to talk to her anymore, I did not want to reason or explain. If I were, she would either cry, try to change my mind or call me names. I wanted none of it.
I know she thinks I am a jerk, I know I should have done it differently, but I couldn’t… This is my side of the story. I hope you understand.”
Those who leave abruptly do it on purpose. They are so done with a relationship that leaving in such a jerky way is like them saying “Look what an ass I am. Do you still want another chance with me?”. Such an ugly exit crosses out all future possibilities and chances of them coming back or your hoping for a reunion (unless you are a doormat). To exit like this is to burn a bridge. How could they look you in the eye after this??
There are the types who genuinely believe they are ready until it is time to commit. When things become too intimate and close they panic. Since they are unable to deal with such issues with honesty, they simply abruptly extricate themselves from an uncomfortable situation or line up another relationship with someone else.
There are also the types who may go with the flow, act traditional and move things along to the next level, move in and propose with their heart not being fully in it. They feel pressure to go along, to follow ‘the dating rules’ and so they do. Until one day, when they bolt.
Scared and confused people are not reliable people. They change their mind often and tend to be flaky. They may say one thing and mean the other. It is hard to know what is on their mind because to tell you honestly, they do not even always know it themselves.
If you are currently in pain over someone who has left you abruptly I have good news for you: since they are this scared, are incapable of having a relationship with you, have no integrity, are secretive and moody, be thankful they are out of your life. If they were to stay, you would eventually end up being hurt by them .
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - No Contact vs. Disappearing - is there a difference? and Will he be back? or if you need extra support you may like my empowering e-Book - When you are DESPERATE FOR HIS LOVE - how to leave your bad relationship without feeling like you are going against yourself.