Sometimes, when we want something bad,
are afraid of losing it, or are worried that our one single wrong move
may destroy our chances, we may
FORGET what it's like
to love ourselves in the process.

The minute we stop loving ourselves
is usually the moment when that someone or something starts
taking priority over us and our own needs.

As a result, we become second (or third) in the line and our
self-love, self-worth, self-confidence,
and self-esteem suffer.
Being downplayed like this is NOT the way to succeed in life;
acting with self-love is!

Once you start acting with love and respect towards yourself,
you will easily recognize those who do not, and so
they will have no place in your life.

May this Self-Love list be your inspirational reminder
of what it is like to be The One for YOU!

1. If being in a relationship with someone means
loving them more than YOU, then
you do not want to be in such a relationship.

2. Transformation from No Self-Love to Self-Love
does not happen overnight.
It is the doing little things everyday that eventually makes
the difference.

3. If deep inside you are not happy
then no relationship will make you happy.
You will be looking up to them to make you happy.
It is called co-dependence.
Plus, it is not their job to make you happy.

4. Do not be in a relationship where you are forced
to compromise your boundaries and standards
just for the sake of staying in (or keeping) that relationship.
In a long run it will not work out well - you will
end up being depleted, angry, and miserable.
Trust me on this!

5. If they do not want you - stop trying harder.
Simply respect their wish and move on.
Wouldn’t you want the same
in return if the circumstances were reversed?

6. It is you and you only who is responsible
for what happens in your relationships.
Are you a pleaser?
Do you think they are taking advantage of you?
Are you a giver who gets constantly milked?
If so, then recognize these behaviors and
stop doing what you are doing. They won’t change their
ways, and you need to protect yourself.

7. Quite often it is our fears of rejection
and abandonment that dictate
what we think, feel, and do.
If you are suffering from a fear of rejection
or even worse – if you put an equal sign between
their rejection and your own self-worth -
then you need to address these fears.

8. Do you have certain believes,
thoughts, and feelings about
the opposite sex, love, and relationships?
Are they real?
Do they have any reasonable grounds to exist
AND to negatively interfere with your love life?
Unless you are stuck in a pattern, there is
no way to believe that your negative past will repeat
itself in the future.
Do not let that negative baggage kill your next lucky chance.
Besides, they are just another person.
Why should they pay for what your
previous partners did to you?

9. Learn to trust your intuition.
If your gut says that something is wrong, then something IS wrong.
We cannot always put our finger on it,
but in my experience subtle/vague negative signs
along with uneasy feelings are something
we should always pay attention to
and never ignore.

10. Set your boundaries otherwise
you will be taken advantage of.
Decide what you can and cannot tolerate,
what you will and will not accept,
and stick with it.
Let this healthy range be your guide;
this way you will not end up in a miserable situation.

11. Do not negotiate or compromise your
boundaries and standards.
Doing so will mean two things
1) putting them first 2) going against yourself.
You will not last like this too long, believe me.

12. Dating with no standards is like traveling without a map.
If you do not take control over where
you are going and with whom,
then you will end up moving in an unknown direction
with a random stranger by your side.
Do you want to take that chance?

13. Are you a victim of a pattern?
If all of your relationships begin and end in the same manner,
if all of your past boyfriends were treating you ‘the same’
then yes, you are stuck in a pattern.
You cannot keep doing the same thing over and over
and expect different results.
As Albert Einstein pointed out: “Insanity: doing the same thing
over and over again and expecting different results”.
Patterns are hard to break, but if you want a different outcome
then breaking them is a must.
You will be SURPRISED
how much better your love-life becomes!

14. The quality of your life and a sense of your well-being
will greatly improve if you take control over your emotional reactions.
In other words – you will be the one to choose
how to react to the behavior of others.
Did he break his promise and forgot to call?
You may want to let it go OR
you may choose to hyper-ventilate over it for an entire day.
Your choice.

15. Know your own value.
Your opinion of yourself should not be based on what others
say or think about you.
You are worthy and you are enough.

16. Do not waste your emotional energy on
resisting something that is obvious.
The sky won’t fall down if you humbly admit that
it is not working out.
It is just so much healthier to forget and move on than
to keep fighting that endless losing battle.
Don’t you agree?

17. Think of those times
when you were successful with something.
How were you acting and what your attitude was?
What were you feeling at that time?
Can this experience be applied to other areas of your life?
If you were successful (if only once) in the past, then
you can surely be successful AGAIN.
You already did something right back then
so – learn from it!

18. Do not be afraid to speak up.
I found that the best approach is to simply state directly
what they said or did to upset you.
No beating around the bush, no hinting,
and no game playing please.
They may not get the hints, they may misinterpret them, they may
ignore them as ‘something minor and insignificant’,
or they may not understand what the hell you are talking about.
And because of this fear,
can you blame them then for not knowing
EXACTLY what bothered you?

19. Learn to control your negative thoughts
because if you don’t, they will control you.
Two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time
which means that it is UP TO YOU
what kind of a thought occupies your brain at a given time.
Negative thoughts, unnecessary fears, and unfounded anxieties are
nothing but toxic waste.
When left ‘unsupervised’ they will poison your brain,
destroy your mood, and bring havoc to your personal life.
All the kinds of ‘what if…’ and ‘but I am afraid that...’ are  a
waste of emotional energy.
Learn to STOP those thoughts.
After all,
they are just thoughts!

20. Do not go out of your way to prove your
significance or value.
If they do not see what is in front of them then
they are the wrong person for you.

21. Do not be so hard on yourself. We are all humans
and we all make mistakes.
Do not dwell on what you did wrong,
simply learn from the experience and move on.

22. Make sure you have correct expectations.
Expecting of others something they cannot give (or provide)
is a sure way to make yourself miserable.

23. Do not put all of your blame on others for
everything bad that happens to you.
Doing so implies that YOU have no control over your OWN happiness.
They are not responsible for your happiness,
YOU ARE!

24. Even in the most happiest and compatible relationships
people need their personal space and a ‘me time’.
Stop freaking out every time
when he does something without you.
Healthy relationships
do not imply being around each other 24/7.

25. When they treat you bad or say nasty things,
instead of thinking what is wrong with you
or what you did wrong
think of a possibility of them being like this with other people.
Actually, if they are a mean person,
I can give you almost a 100% guarantee that
they are treating others poorly as well, not just you.

26. Do not feel overwhelmed or scared of uncomfortable situations;
think of what you should have done instead.
Next time when it happens you will
1) handle it better 2) feel empowered and in control.

27. When one of your friends calls to talk about HER drama
ask yourself: do I want to hear all that??
If it is time consuming and emotionally draining then
do not spend too much time on such calls.
Being a ‘yes’ person means
subjecting yourself to an endless emotional garbage of other people.
Learn to set limits!

28. Never ever think of yourself as ‘less than’.
Having negative self-image is a suicide to your own self-love,
confidence, and self-esteem.
Do not belittle yourself and do not minimize your achievements;
find a way to be proud of yourself,
even if it’s something minor.

29. You are the boss, the director, the CFO, and the CEO of your own life.
Isn’t it amazing?:)

30. Is there something you love to do?
Something that feels comforting and therapeutic to your
mind, heart, mood, and soul?
Set aside time to do what you love.
This suggestion especially applies to those who
are way too busy with their unhappy relationship
constantly trying to make it work.
Seriously??
Don’t you have anything BETTER to do?
If you need help pushing your miserable relationship over the cliff AND
feel good about it you will enjoy my insightful book.

31. Do not try to control everything and everyone.
Controlling others is like telling them
they are not capable or have poor judgment.
You either trust them to do the right thing or you do not.
You will feel SO MUCH BETTER if you shift focus onto yourself and
let them do whatever the hell they want to do.

32. Simply come to peace with the thought that
many things are out of your control.
In other words - do not try to control the uncontrollable.

33. No matter what your emotions or libido tells you,
try to keep it real and stay grounded on your both feet.
Living in denial will invite pain into your life.
Assess the situation for what it is and act accordingly.

34. Stay away from negative people.
They put a negative spell on everything!
You do not want to be around someone who sees negatives
in everything you say or do.

35. Loving yourself feels COMFORTING and SECURE.
You know what you love and what you don’t,
what you accept and what you do not.
In essence, you become a happy, satisfied person.
In addition, you won’t have ANY desire to go after someone (or something)
that is not making you happy or isn’t satisfying your needs.

36. Having boundaries and standards means
making decisions that sometimes go against your heart (or libido).
These could be painful and uncomfortable moments but
sticking to them is good in the long run.

37. Never assume anything.
Building expectations on the basis of your own assumptions is even worse.
Talk to them to make sure you are on the same page.
That way you will know where you stand!

38. Do not make decisions based on fear; otherwise
you will end up in a wrong place with a wrong person.
Fear makes us scared and desperate – two states of mind that
should be used THE LEAST when deciding on something.

39. Sex and love are not the same and we all know it, right?
If so, then why oh why so many of us give away our own precious,
vulnerable bodies hoping to get love?
It is not to say that you should not sleep until they say ‘I love you’,
it is to keep your head cool and not to expect much.

40. Be YOU.
Regardless of what your friends, co-workers, relatives tell you how to
dress, how to look, what career to chose, how to raise your children,
who to socialize with, what to like or what to wear –I say BE YOU.
Pretending someone you are not will only
make you lose touch with yourself.

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