Your Letters

<< 1 >>

Do you think dumping someone via text is inappropriate?

It depends on your ‘relationship’. If it is very new, then letting them go by text is OK in my opinion. If the relationship is not new, then it will depend on your preferred communication style.

Do you text a lot to each other? If yes, then dumping them over text won’t look as shitty. Anything else than that, you may want to figure out your preferred communication style (the one that happens most frequently) and dump them that way.

I am against mandatory dumping people in person. It is ok to dump them in person, of course, but doing so may not be safe. What if they are crazy? What if they have a gun? This whole ‘dump them in person’ thing is overrated.

One more thing to take into consideration is your reputation. Dumping someone nicely will go a long way for you… if you know what I mean.

What happens when you burn a candle at both ends?

Social media is not going anywhere. People talk, women gossip, and bridges get burned… Who wants to be remembered as a disrespectful, heartbreaking asshole with achy baggage (and perhaps some little carry-on too)?

Does cutting people out of your life mean you do not like them anymore?

Absolutely not necessarily. Have you heard of boundaries? Some people are just not good for us. We may like them a lot, we may even love them, BUT it does not mean they are not toxic.

Do they make you look and feel like a stool sample?
Cut them out!

Sticking to the boundaries means weeding out everything that is toxic, negative, and unhealthy. Surprisingly, it includes family members too!

So, no, cutting out someone does not mean you do not like them, it means you cannot be around them anymore. It also means you are taking care of your health and your sense of well-being. Good for you!

How can I tell if my male co-worker is just being friendly or is trying to hit on me?

Oh, this one is very easy. Is he just friendly with you and nothing else? You will know a male hits on you when he asks a lot of personal questions “What do you like to eat”, “Where did you grow up”, “How was your weekend” etc. He will also remember the stories you told him and will make sure to follow up on the details later.

Plus he may start showering you with compliments!

Hey, if they do not sniff it, they do not know what it is!

In essence, it will feel like someone is breaking your professional boundaries and intruding into your personal space. Yes, it may start feeling very personal… and perhaps slightly awkward too.

Do you like him too? Do not shut him down by acting uninterested. A modern man is an insecure and pussified man. Most of them need reassurance that you do care too. Keep that in mind.

Should I divorce my husband? He is working all the time and has no time for me.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I would wait on the divorce part though.

First, did you try to talk to him about your feelings? What did he say?

And, second, how about dedicating some ‘together’ time let’s say, once per week? If he cares about you, then he could try to go out for dinner with you on weekends, to take a bike ride, walk a pet or do some other activity you both like. This is not that much to ask. Put this on a schedule and stick to it.

Say this: All men want to be you and all women want to be with you!

Also, what are your days like? Do you have hobbies and some special interests? Are you bored all day wondering when he'll be back?

He got busy with work and you got busy with feeling sorry for yourself

Of course, you could leave him, BUT here is the thing: most couples do not spend time together that much. Everybody is kind of busy with their own stuff. Between kids, work, in-laws, pets, doctor appointments, errands, etc there is not much time left for couples to spend quality time together. It is a very sad reality, but it is true.

So, at the end of the day, it does not matter what your man is busy with – work, hobbies, friends, parents, siblings, etc. What matters is your mutual desire to carve out time from your busy schedule to spend together. Makes sense?

How do you go through the phase after several weeks following a breakup? It is getting harder and harder

There is no immediate cure or magic pill to make the breakup pain go away.
The only options here are either to talk to a licensed professional to ease the pain OR to re-frame your mind.

Let’s say you lost a man who was your True Love. How do you cope with this?

To re-frame one’s mind means to change one’s attitude.

Keep repeating these to yourself:

~ He was NOT my future husband. If he were, we would still be together.
~ I need to move on from this hell ASAP to free up the space for New Love.
~ I’ll think of my future boyfriend, my future lover, and my future husband.

One day, he will fall from the sky, like a vanilla-scented angel
And those first kisses! Mmmm…

~ This is just one breakup of many. Most relationships do not work. It was selfish of me to expect otherwise.
~ I need to respect his wishes. He is a different human being and he deserves to be happy. He has the right to choose. I was not his choice, so be it.

He belongs to a different woman.
Are you spending too much time yodeling in a wrong cave?

~ I will put it all behind me. Life goes on, life continues. The sky will not fall down.
~ Several years from now he will be a distant memory… just like the rest of the men I broke up with in my past.
~ He is not THAT special.
~ I do not want to be in a relationship with a man who does not want to be in a relationship with ME!

Weeks and months will pass by and you will feel better.

Why can't I stop loving a toxic ex that gaslighted, cheated, and lied to me?

It does not really matter 'who' they were per se (a cheater, liar, nice overweight guy suffering from flatulence, or a sore loser with testicles hanging like a wind chime), what matters is that you are still in love with your ex.

And guess what? It is absolutely normal to love and miss your ex. It is OK and nothing is wrong with you. You are only human! Emotions cannot be turned off like a switch.

And that shit sandwich they were feeding you with?
You may still have memories of it too!

What is not OK is to dwell for a prolonged period of time and not being able to date other people as a result.

When you feel like your painful past interferes with your current and future, it is time for professional intervention. I hope it won't reach that point though. Most of us are able to grieve the loss and eventually move on.

Please give yourself time to heal.

How do you prevent yourself from getting back together with a toxic ex?

You may have to shut down your heart, libido, and emotions for a moment and turn on your head.

Think of it this way: the relationship did not work out. It will never work out and will never work. Why? Because they are toxic for you and the thousands of ass-hours spent together is your proof.

Would you invest in a failing business? Would you jump on a sinking boat? Would you eat spoiled food (bad clams come to mind)? Would you stay still in a building that is shaking and falling apart? No?

Then why would you get yourself involved with a toxic person? It is like causing self-injury. Again and again? Why?? Ask yourself why?

Looking to stick your tongue into a light socket again, huh?

Libido is a powerful thing, but come on now, what are you, a farm animal? We are humans and we have brains for a reason. Use them!

So, how exactly do you prevent yourself from getting back together with a toxic ex? Through self-love and self-respect.

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.

What does it feel like when someone you do not like hits on you?

<< 1 >>