Boundaries I - About being a woman
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like your man was not treating you right or like something was wrong, but didn't have the courage to point it out? Simply put, you did not want to rock the boat, ‘hurt’ his feelings, or make a scene.
Or perhaps you did not want to come across as too sensitive, confrontational, or someone who is not ‘cool’: “No matter the smug jackass that he is, I won’t descent into madness”
There could be a lot of reasons as to WHY you chose to behave like this, starting with childhood traumas and patterns and ending with what a woman is expected to be like in our society.
We, the women, are expected:
~ To be wiser i.e. to understand where our angry, misbehaving, clumsy bear-man is coming from and thus to tolerate his unacceptable behavior.
~ To keep in mind that statistically, the population of females is larger than the population of males and therefore be grateful for having a man (any man!) in our life.
~ To not make a big deal (or simply be cool, not notice, ignore, etc) about his roaming around, flirting with other women, active profiles on dating sites, having somebody else on the side, and talking to his ex. This applies towards having an attitude about an unexpected STD and elaborate bullshit of where it came from.
Sure, you could still dump them as toxic waste, but then… see my next point
~ To blame ourselves when he cheats. It is supposed to be our fault because when a man cheats it is always the woman’s fault. Always! We are blamed for being too fat or too skinny, too nice or not nice enough, too needy or too independent, blah-blah-blah. We are never good enough and thus – his cheating.
~ To always remember that all men cheat. Even the ones with an inchworm between their legs! Since they all cheat, we should not make any waves over it.
~ To be aware of our limited biological clock.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, hurry-hurry! The End is approaching! Time to snatch a man asap (ANY man) before it is too late. Blah…
What are you? A self-abusing zoo monkey?
~ To accept that a childless, single woman is not a 100% woman and there is something wrong with her.
What else is in Pandora’s Box??
Here is one more:
~ We – the women – are EXPECTED to do laundry, to have a full-time job, to give birth, to take care of children, to run errands, to tend to pets, to be nice to in-laws, to always look good, to do dishes, to clean the kitchen, to buy groceries, to run an entire household, and on top of that, not to feel stressed, annoyed or tired and be in the mood for sex. Always.
God forbid refusing them sex. You may just walk yourself into a minefield.
Simply put, you owe something to someone already just by the fact that you are a woman.
No wonder that with these kinds of ‘norms’ and ‘expectations’ a woman is simply terrified that she won’t have the time to grab a man, give birth, and urgently start doing everything she is EXPECTED to do.
Sometimes, when we are in love, we try too hard. We please them non-stop, exhibit the patience of a saint, and forgive too much. And what do we get in return? NOTHING!
Ironically, it would still be somewhat good if it was ‘just’ NOTHING.
Instead, we get a non-committal attitude, rudeness, devaluing, indifference, coldness, verbal, physical, and emotional abuse.
And you know why? That’s because we have him on a pedestal!
He has no respect for such a woman and is not afraid of losing her. Deep down he knows that no matter what he does – be it cheating, beating, emotional, physical, or financial abuse – she is not going anywhere.
And why would she? She forgives him for everything!
That’s when the need for personal strict boundaries arrives.
If you recognize yourself in the above description, then it is time to knock him off the pedestal. Here is how you do it: Boundaries II - Basics and Boundaries III - How to establish personal boundaries guide.
Setting up boundaries is not as difficult and scary as it may seem. You will do great and I believe in you!
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
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