Are you single, lonely, unhappy, and miserable?
Are you single, lonely, unhappy, and miserable? If so, then you probably also think that nothing good is going to happen anytime soon and you are out of luck. It is those who are the ‘lucky’ ones who have no problem finding boyfriends and husbands, but not you.
I do not believe for a second that being single is a great thing. Sure, it may work for some people (for a certain period of time), but for the most of us it sucks to be alone. There is no one to talk to or to share things, no companionship, and no holding hands.
I thought that it would make you feel a little bit better if I said that over 50% of Americans live alone. I do not know the stats for other countries, but if loneliness were not the case, we would not see millions of subscribers on dating websites around the globe. They are just everywhere – hundreds and thousands of people looking to get rid of their solitude. They are surely not happy. If they were in a great relationship they wouldn’t be looking.
Now, let’s go back to you and talk about how your feelings of loneliness and misery could actually be a contributing factor to your loneliness in itself and to a problem of finding your Mr. Right.
You see, loneliness goes hand in hand with depression or feeling down, misery, disappointment, and a sense of unworthiness. And, although, I do not blame you for feeling like this, these exact feelings do NO GOOD in your search for your Mr. Right. Let’s take a closer look at how this state of mind plays out in dating.
1. We come across as needy, desperate, and depressed. We come across as possessing these attributes which are the exact opposite of what we should be like when on a date. Would you like to date a depressed person? Would you like to date someone whose behavior screams ‘I NEED A PARTNER NOW’? Would you enjoy spending time with someone who is lonely and has nothing going for them? Would you feel comfortable being around someone who is acting like you are their one and only last chance?
We think that we have the right to feel miserable and unhappy, but at the same time we expect to have dates with ONLY those who are fun, interesting, entertaining, and seem interested in us big time. We do not think of ourselves as being a ‘bad date’, do we?? We think that it is the job of the person we are dating - not ours - to make things pleasant, interesting, and lovely. We want them to be into us, all excited, happy, and with a lot of stories to tell. We do not want to be bored, we want to feel special, and we want to be treated right.
With all the expectations you have towards your potential dates let me ask you this: are you willing and capable of giving the same in return?
If you are lonely, unhappy, and miserable then it will show. It will show big time on a date, believe me. I am not asking you to play the role of someone you are not. What I am suggesting here is to understand that they (the men) are not our therapists. They are humans with problems too.
Just like you won’t talk to a random customer about your bad day with a grim expression on your face, you should not be pouring it all out on your dates and expect them to enjoy it. You need to master the skill of leaving your heavy emotional stuff at home and enjoy a date with a person who took the time off their busy schedule to see you. THAT should make you feel good enough to smile!
2. Picking the wrong person as a result
When we are too needy for companionship (to have someone, just anyone!..), we may latch on to an inappropriate person way too quickly deciding ‘this is it’. We may obsess over them too much, think of them as being the center of our universe, and dream about a future with them. We may also go into overdrive, ignore our inner voice, and disregard red flags.
If we are not vigilant enough we may end up being with someone who gives us 10 times more misery than if we were single. We may end up being in an unhappy relationship and feel lonely - the exact same thing we have been trying so hard to escape!
Bad experiences like this are a perfect recipe for dating disasters: the worse we feel the more desperate we are, and the more desperate we are the less selective we become! Not being selective means more bad relationships and more misery.
When we are single, lonely, unhappy, and miserable the last thing we want is more misery. Although, there is no guarantee that your next future date will become your boyfriend, you will be much better off and closer to your goal if you leave your desire ‘to find someone asap’ at home and screen your candidates properly.
So what that he was cute and attentive? If he has a girlfriend in a different city he should be off limits. So what if there was chemistry? If he was rude and verbally abusive, then you do not need him. So what that he gave you roses? If he is married, then he cannot be your boyfriend. And no, their occasional attention is NOT ‘better than nothing’.
Those of us who are not willing to face the truth get eventually stuck in painful drama. That’s true – every single BAD relationship is nothing but One Big Depressing DRAMA. Every one and all of them!
Again, picking wrong partners out of fear of being alone and out of desire to escape loneliness will result in the exact same thing we are so desperate to get rid of - misery, unhappiness, and loneliness.
At this point in our conversation it should be pretty clear how your state of loneliness, your attitude, and your mood could be getting in the way of finding your Mr. Right. Not all is lost, however. Since you are aware of this problem (assuming it pertains to you) it would be in your best interests to make certain adjustments to get better results.
P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Articles - Are you ready to date? and Why online dating is such a disaster or this popular e-Course: Online Allure (how to attract quality men online!)