What is your advice on love?

What is your advice on love? – Amy from New Zealand asks.

Here, ladies, I came up with some points, but as we all know, this is the kind of subject that we could talk about forever.

1. Attachment is stronger than love. Think of a married man for decades (read – super attached) being in love with a much younger woman. ‘What holds him? – she asks – I know he does not love her!” The answer is simple – long-term attachment.

2. For ladies: there is a 99% chance he is not your future husband.

3. For men: to get sex you must give her romance first. This is your magic formula to get a woman in bed.

4. Every love feels like we finally found ‘The One’. But once it is over it becomes a lesson.

5. We tend to love the same type over and over. Just look back at the reasons for your past breakups. Were they ‘kinda’ the same? There are plenty of gentlemen and clowns out there. It is up to you who to date.

6. Do not trust them right away and do not believe everything they over-promise in the beginning. These things take time. Trusting a total stranger and believing everything they say is completely insane and unhealthy for you.

Exception to the above rule: you are a kid who believes in Santa Claus. Although he is a total stranger you know nothing about he is pretty darn good at delivering on promises lol (“Thank you for the penguin! I have been dreaming about having it for days!”).

7. Who you date is a reflection of who you are and your level of Self-Love. Queens date high quality men who treat them no less than a Queen. Doormats date low quality men who wipe feet over them.

8. They are not who you think they are. You do not get disappointed. You simply get to know them better. A candy in a shiny wrapping does not always taste good. You know it, right?

9. When they love us back – we know. When they do not love us back – we make excuses.

10. Love may or may not find you. You need to get out there to let it find you. Do not be a bashful clam hiding under a rock.

11. Love is nature's trick to produce offspring.

12. Every time when we are in love (or going through a breakup), it seems and feels like it will last forever… until the next love (and breakup) comes along to negate the previous experience.

Love cycle of a mortal human being: love – breakup – swearing to never love again – another love – another breakup – swearing to never love again – etc. etc. etc. Nature sure does have power over us.

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13. Love is a biological instinct. When it happens you will know what to say and what to do. It will find its way, do not worry.

14. Do they love me? If you have to ask, then the answer is probably NO.

15. For men: gifts do not buy attraction. If it was otherwise, then all a 400 lbs woman with 2 front teeth missing could do (to win your attraction) is to buy a gift. Would a bunch of gifts from an unattractive woman fire up your passions? No? Then stop buying gifts and stop wasting money on a woman who is not interested.

16. Chemistry cannot be manufactured. It is either there or it is not. Do not feel bad for having chemistry with an ugly crocodile-man. We cannot choose who we love.

17. This one is really gonna suck, but if you are especially young and inexperienced, then you need to know: the majority of ‘likes’ and ‘loves’ will be one-sided and unreciprocated.

Most of the time you will like or love someone who does not like or love you back and v. versa. In fact, there is someone out there liking you dearly, but you have no idea. And even if you do, you probably do not care.

And, I bet, there is someone out there you secretly like or love, knowing they do not give a shit about you. Never were and never will. They will never love you back just like you will never like the other person back (the one who currently likes you).

18. Why do romantic rejections feel so awful? Because we immediately assume that the rejecting party is better than us. Had we had some greater qualities (like looks, personality, achievements etc) they would have seen us as an ‘equal’ and would have not rejected us. Romantic rejections make us feel ‘less than’ and like we are ‘not enough’.

19. When you love, make sure it does not harm you. People do crazy stuff in the name of love. Do not be like that. No man or woman is worth your health, life, and the sense of well-being. Love yourself first. Be The One for you.

P.S. If you feel like you need to talk to someone because your situation is too unique and most of the stuff you read on the internet is too generic and not helpful, then I would personally like to recommend you this affordable online counseling service. You will not be disappointed

For more advice on love see Dating and Relationships sections.