Online dating - how to find a boyfriend
First things first ladies: when it comes to online dating there is one important fact to be aware of – over 90% of the profiles on the dating sites are nothing but JUNK. And, when I say ‘JUNK’ I mean ‘JUNK FOR YOU’.
In other words, for one reason or another over 90% of candidates on those sites will not be suitable for you. It leaves us with the remaining 10% to work with and to weed through.
And honestly, I was a bit too generous with the 10% number, it is probably lower than that. Anyway, things are not as hopeless as it may seem as long as you know what you are doing.
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With this being said, now you should not feel frustrated with having 100+ emails in your inbox and still have nothing to show for it. Most of the time, your inbox will be filled with 90% junk, and it is your job to weed out the good ones (for you) from the bad.
There are 3 categories of men searching online:
1) Searching for a girlfriend and a meaningful relationship
2) Involved already (or single) and just looking for excitement
3) The ones who are not sure what they are looking for, what they want, and who they want to find
You want to deal with men from category 1 only. Men from categories 2 and 3 are A WASTE OF TIME.
As you have probably guessed by now, most of the profiles out there belong to men from categories 2 and 3, and since these men are good at hiding their intentions (at least in the beginning) it leads to a lot of frustrated women complaining about commitment-phobics, cheaters, liars, being played and led on, rude jerks, disappearing men, and womanizers.
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Many ill-intended men will not disclose their true intentions because doing so will limit their pool of selection. So, when his profile says ‘looking for a relationship’, do not immediately assume that this is what he is looking for. As a matter of fact, do not assume anything! He has his own agenda and you have your own. Fair enough.
Step #1 – Correspondence
Watch out for negative, rude, and angry men; watch out for those who spam your inbox with multiple one-liners or long drama-like essays – these are men you do not want to deal with.
If he sounds reasonable, then after several emails there should be an offer to meet. If there is neither a hint nor an offer to meet, you need to let him go, he is not serious.
For goodness sake ladies, do not waste your time corresponding for weeks and months! Men know how to get what they want! Him not offering to meet can have a million reasons why, but none of those reasons are good, believe me!
Step #2– Initial dating
Dating is a great opportunity to get to know someone. It is like trying shoes on in a store or a garment in a dressing room. Will it fit? Will I like it?
Friends first –lovers second is the best approach because it forces you to focus on how, as two individuals, you could get along.
Do you have something to talk about? Is he interesting to listen to? Do you feel like you could be yourself with him? Does he make you feel comfortable or uptight? Do you feel like you have known him for ages? Is he polite and respectful? When he talks about other people – is it mostly positive or negative feedback?
You need to know all of these to assess who you are dealing with, and what would it be like with someone like him for the long-term.
By the way, on the very first several dates men tend to talk a lot about themselves. Just ignore it. This is a male thing - they are just trying to make a sale.
By the way, you can use this opportunity to get to know him VERY WELL by asking certain questions. Here is a very unique and highly recommended article describing a scientific method on how to get to know him in just several dates. No need to sweat it for every man, but the one who interests you the most is worth the effort.
Step #3 – Weeding out process
As the dating progresses his true colors will start showing up. Also, this is when you start seeing what category of men he belongs to.
If he is looking for a girlfriend he will be very direct with his intentions and actions. He will start making an effort to involve you in his daily routine and his life, which may even feel overwhelming at first. His intentions will be very clear, there will be no mixed signals and no question marks in your head.
He will be good at scheduling dates and genuinely happy to see you, calling frequently to just say ‘hi’ and so on. If you had a boyfriend before you may even have flashbacks of what it is like being in a girlfriend - boyfriend relationship. Dating this man will seem easy and effortless. You may you also feel special, secure, and loved.
If this ever happens to you, consider yourself hitting a jackpot. At this point, if everything is in place except of chemistry, I say – keep going out with him! If he treats you nice and demonstrates active interest the chemistry should catch up. After all, it is very good for your ego and self esteem to be treated this way.
If, however, after several dates you still do not feel like kissing this man, then it is time to move on. The point of all this is to give yourself time before rejecting a good man. It can be especially true for ladies in their 50s and beyond.
If you happen to date a man who is involved with someone else (you will not necessarily know about it right away), or someone who is not looking for a relationship and /or not sure what he wants, then the DYNAMICS of dating will be very different. As I have mentioned above – these men are a waste of time
HERE ARE THE RED FLAGS OF SUCH MEN:
~ He is inconsistent with his calls and actions; quite often he keeps you hanging and you are not sure what is coming next.
~ He breaks promises to meet or reschedules your dates.
~ There will be blackout periods when you have no idea where he is and whether he will ever call you again.
~ He puts you on an 'Emotional Diet'.
~ Blowing hot and cold is a dead giveaway that he is involved with someone else.
~ Blowing hot and cold also could mean he is not fully available for a relationship. Mr. Unavailable alert!
~ He gives you mixed signals and you have this nagging feeling like something is off.
~ He never gives 100% of himself to you or the relationship. He claims he's too busy for a relationship. (Why did he post his profile on the dating site in the first place then??)
~ Your dates have downgraded to sleeping together, the rest of the time he is busy-busy-busy.
~ You feel neglected, rejected, insecure, anxious, angry, disappointed, and confused. YOU FEEL MAD!
The minute you experience any of these you need to drop him immediately. This is a clear sign that you are dealing with a man from the 2 or 3 category. These men are a waste of time, and let me repeat why:
1) He claimed in his profile that he was looking for a relationship. 2) He lied about it to get a larger pool of women to select from. 3) He started dating you with the pretense of looking for a relationship. OK, let’s believe him for a moment. Now, here is the man who is looking for a girlfriend AND dares to behave in such a disrespectful and immature manner!
If you re-read the red flags above, you will immediately realize that there is no way for a man, who is looking for a girlfriend, to behave like this!! If he thinks that acting like a jerk makes him boyfriend material, then he is truly screwed up and in a dire need of help from a mental health professional.
Drop this man immediately! You do not deserve to be treated this way! Move forward with your weeding out process focusing on category 1 men only. Keep your head cool, keep looking, and eventually you will meet that special one for you!
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