You Went Looking for a Normal Man. The Search Has Become a Little Peculiar.

The search for a normal man begins with such modest requirements that it hardly seems necessary to write them down.

Kind, attractive to you, interesting to talk to, and capable of maintaining a relationship without making you wonder whether you have accidentally enrolled in an advanced course in human behavior.

Nothing extraordinary. A normal man.

The search party sets off in excellent spirits, carrying a small list of requirements and the touching belief that “normal” is something everyone will recognize when they see it.

Then the men begin arriving.

The First Sightings Are Promising

One gentleman is pleasant, intelligent, and has a perfectly respectable life. He also brings his own pillow whenever he travels because hotel pillows are apparently an unpredictable species and he has no intention of spending his holiday negotiating with one.

A little peculiar, perhaps, but hardly a tragedy.

Another is charming, funny, and wonderfully easy to talk to, but considers a twelve-mile hike a relaxing way to spend a romantic afternoon. He is not trying to exhaust anyone; he genuinely thinks this is what people do when they want to have a lovely time.

Well, the search party had imagined something with fewer hills and perhaps a waiter.

And then there is the gentleman who is very close to his mother, which is lovely, until you discover that she accompanies him on every holiday. He has been to Paris, Rome, and the Greek islands, and she has been to all of them too. The search party is delighted that they have such a close relationship, but had imagined a romantic getaway with slightly fewer relatives.

After a few more dates, the search party begins to suspect that every promising candidate comes with some unexpected feature.

Surely, somewhere, there must be one who is simply normal.

The Description Is Getting Rather Specific

The longer the search continues, the more detailed the description of Normal Man becomes.

He should have interests, naturally, but not interests that consume every weekend. He should be spontaneous, but preferably give a little notice. He should be organized without being particular, relaxed without being careless, and independent without becoming so independent that you begin to wonder whether he has noticed you are there too.

He should have strong opinions, but not about anything you feel strongly about.

A perfectly reasonable man.

The search party is now looking for someone who enjoys adventure but prefers familiar restaurants, has a sense of humor that is always amusing and never inconvenient, and is wonderfully easygoing about everything except the things that matter to you.

But by this time, the description has become rather specific, and surely such a man must exist somewhere. And then, at last, a promising sighting.

Could This Be Him?

The gentleman has no unusual hobbies, no complicated routines, and no particularly strong preferences. He is happy to eat wherever you like, go wherever you suggest, and spend the weekend doing whatever sounds pleasant.

Good heavens. Could this be Normal Man?

For a little while, the absence of peculiarities feels wonderfully restful. Nobody is suggesting that a romantic weekend might be improved by climbing a mountain, and nobody has brought a pillow that requires its own introduction.

Everything is agreeable. Perhaps a little too agreeable.

After several dates, you begin to wonder what he actually likes and what he would choose if you stopped choosing everything. Surely he must have an opinion about something, even if it is only the correct way to make scrambled eggs.

The search party has found a man with almost no visible peculiarities and is now concerned that he may not have enough personality.

Apparently, being completely normal has become a disqualifying feature.

Ahh... as it turns out, this is a difficult expedition to please.

The Search Party Receives Some Unexpected Questions

Of course, Normal Man may have a description of his own.

Perhaps he is looking for a woman who is easygoing, spontaneous, and not particularly complicated.

Lovely. You are all three.

You simply prefer to know the plans in advance, dislike being rushed, and consider it perfectly reasonable to bring three books on a two-day trip because one never knows what one may feel like reading, and some things are simply too important to leave to chance.

None of these things is peculiar. They are simply your preferences.

The search party would appreciate it if everyone could remember the distinction.

And yet, somewhere across the table, a man may be wondering why a woman who describes herself as spontaneous has already checked the restaurant menu and appears faintly distressed by the suggestion of changing the reservation.

Well, yes. Spontaneity is lovely, but there is no need to become reckless.

Our own peculiarities rarely feel peculiar from the inside. They feel like the natural, sensible way to live, while other people’s habits are evidence that human beings have been assembled under very different instructions.

Perhaps Normal Man has been difficult to locate because we have been looking for someone whose peculiarities will never interfere with ours.

A very accommodating creature, Normal Man. No wonder he is so difficult to locate.

The Expedition Makes a Discovery

Eventually, the search begins to look a little different. Perhaps the most promising man is not the one without peculiarities, but the one whose peculiarities make sense to you—and who finds yours perfectly reasonable.

He may bring his own pillow on holiday. You may bring three books. Neither of you considers this worth a particularly long conversation.

The search party has not found a man without peculiarities. It has simply discovered that two people can be perfectly normal together while looking a little peculiar to everyone else.

And somewhere, a gentleman is packing his pillow, hoping to meet a woman who understands that some things are simply too important to leave to chance.