Madam Built Him a Beautiful Path to Commitment, but Sir Still Hasn’t Crossed

Trying to make a man finally commit can produce a very peculiar kind of optimism.

You begin with a perfectly reasonable thought: perhaps Sir would feel more ready for marriage if the relationship were simply a little easier. Maybe there are only a few things standing between the lovely relationship you already have and the proposal you would rather like to have next.

Right now, because Sir still has not committed, it can feel as though the two of you are standing on opposite sides of a beautiful garden pond scattered with lily pads. You know exactly which side you would like him to be on. Sir, however, is still over there, so naturally Madam begins looking for ways to make the crossing easier.

Nothing excessive, you understand. Just a few tasteful stepping stones.

One More Stone Should Do It

At first, there may genuinely seem to be a gap. Sir does not like pressure, so you stop mentioning marriage quite so often. He needs plenty of freedom, so you become wonderfully understanding about his plans. Difficult conversations make him retreat, which means certain subjects can always be saved for a more charming moment.

And into the pond goes another smooth stone.

There. Much easier.

Perhaps commitment simply needed a little less pressure around it.

Then another gap catches your eye, and you begin wondering whether you could be a touch more patient, a little less demanding, perhaps more relaxed about the things that bother you. After all, if Sir is almost ready, it would be unfortunate to frighten the poor man at the last few feet.

So in goes another stone, and before long Madam has developed quite an eye for paving.

The spaces between the stones grow smaller while the lily pads float around looking perfectly content with the original arrangement. One stone gets widened, another shifts slightly to the left, and a third receives some attention simply because it looks less welcoming than the others.

Every improvement carries the same lovely hope: surely now. Surely now commitment feels easy enough.

Sir, unfortunately, has not moved.

Then the Crossing Becomes Rather Luxurious

This is where Madam gets creative.

Perhaps stepping stones alone feel a little exposed, so a tasteful handrail appears. Then come the lanterns, because a proposal should hardly be delayed by poor visibility, and naturally a parasol follows because heaven forbid Sir should have to cross in direct sunlight.

By now the man could make the journey in evening shoes without disturbing the crease in his trousers.

Still, why stop there?

A little table appears halfway across with sparkling water and something delicious on a porcelain plate, because one cannot expect a gentleman to make an entire journey toward commitment without refreshments. The stones are polished, the handrail is lovely, the lanterns glow beautifully, and the parasol has exactly the right amount of fringe.

Sir, meanwhile, remains on his original side of the pond looking perfectly comfortable.

And this is where the pretty little garden starts looking rather familiar. In real life, you may have become easier to please and easier to schedule, while growing much more understanding about disappointments that once bothered you. Things you wanted become things you can wait for, and things that hurt become things you can graciously overlook.

Not because they stopped mattering, of course, but because perhaps one more smooth stone will finally turn a man who is very comfortable dating you into a man who is ready to marry you.

Sir Can See the Other Side Quite Clearly

Eventually, the route across the pond becomes so absurdly accommodating that even Madam has to admire it. There are no difficult jumps left, no confusing turns and nothing requiring unusual courage. Sir could practically cross while holding a champagne glass.

And yet, because Madam has become very good at this, another thought presents itself: perhaps there is still one tiny obstacle she has missed.

So back you go to inspect the path. Is the first stone too far from the edge? Could the handrail be smoother? Would another lantern help? Perhaps a second parasol would be thoughtful. Maybe the refreshments need upgrading.

Goodness. At some point, the pond is going to need a concierge.

The funny part is that Sir has never complained about the crossing. He may like you enormously, love the relationship exactly as it is, admire every thoughtful improvement, compliment the lanterns and agree that the other side looks absolutely lovely.

He simply has not crossed.

And once you notice that, all those careful adjustments begin to look rather different. Madam has spent an astonishing amount of time removing obstacles to commitment for a man who may never have been waiting for the obstacles to disappear in the first place.

Perhaps he was never frightened by the distance. The stones may have been perfectly fine several improvements ago, and the proposal was probably never hiding underneath the handrail, the refreshments or that very fetching parasol.

By now, Madam has made the crossing so easy that Sir could practically wander over by accident.

The path is flawless.

Sir is still admiring it from the same side of the pond.