Everything Is Going Well Until the Old Worries Wake Up

A new relationship can be going perfectly well when the voices from the past begin to wake up.

You know the ones. They were collected here and there from men who disappeared, changed their minds, kept you guessing or taught you that a lovely beginning can occasionally come with a rather disappointing ending. For a while, they have been beautifully quiet.

Then Sir takes a little longer than usual to reply, and just like that, Insecurity comes out of nowhere, leans closer and quietly whispers, “This is how it started last time.”

Oh.

You had thought he was simply busy.

A moment later, Worry passes by with that familiar look and murmurs, "Well. We’ve seen this before, haven’t we?"

Goodness. Sir has missed one text and already the past would like a word.

The funny part is that this man is new. He has not disappeared, betrayed you, changed his mind or done any of the things these voices remember so vividly. But they do not seem all that interested in that kind of detail.

Sir does not actually need to do anything wrong. He only has to remind them of somebody who once did, and that seems to be quite enough.

Everyone Has Something to Say About Sir

At first, you are trying very hard to ignore them, but the moment Sir says he is tired and wants an early night, Insecurity appears out of nowhere again, leans in and quietly whispers, “Oh, oh, he is pulling away.

The next morning he sends a sweet message, which should help, except Suspicion has now appeared and would like to know why he is being quite so sweet.

This is how it goes.

He wants to see you, and Fear wonders what he wants. He gives you a little space, and Doubt, who has been sitting quietly nearby, finally decides the moment has come to ask whether he actually likes you at all.

Goodness. Sir really cannot win.

And then there is Overthinking, who does not necessarily believe anything terrible has happened. She is far more reasonable than that. She would simply like another look at the message.

“He said ‘good night.’”

Yes.

“Not ‘sleep well.’”

Also yes.

“I just think we should read it once more.”

Of course you do.

Meanwhile, Sir is somewhere having a perfectly ordinary evening, completely unaware that two harmless words have now been turned over, held up to the light and discussed as though they had somehow slipped in a secret message.

That sentence never stood a chance.

Naturally, You Begin Asking Them

The real trouble begins when you stop merely hearing these voices and, goodness, start asking what they think.

Perhaps Sir has been a little quiet, so you wonder aloud what it means. Worry is thrilled to be consulted and immediately decides he is losing interest. Doubt rather likes that theory too, while Insecurity has already skipped several steps ahead and concluded that you probably liked him too much in the first place.

Wonderful.

Then Fear joins in, and Fear has never been known to rescue an evening.

“This is not going to work.”

Thank you, Fear. Lovely as always.

The trouble with asking Fear what she thinks is that she has never once surprised you with, “Oh, darling, relax. This may go beautifully.” Fear prefers fear. She knows what she likes.

And once you begin listening, Sir can hardly move without somebody finding a problem with it. He is attentive and Suspicion wonders what he wants. He is relaxed and Worry does not care for that either. He likes you quickly and someone murmurs, “Be very, very careful, dear.” He takes his time and now Doubt is leaning closer with the satisfied expression of someone who believes she has been right all along.

Goodness. At this point, Sir could send flowers and Suspicion would still want to know what he is apologizing for.

Sir Has Not Actually Done Anything Yet

Eventually, even you begin to notice the rather awkward position Sir has found himself in: he is having a surprisingly difficult romance with worries he has never actually met.

He says, “I had a long day,” and before the poor sentence has even settled, Worry has heard distance, Insecurity has detected rejection, and Fear is already several chapters into the ending.

Sir himself thought he had a long day.

How innocent of him.

The trouble is that, after enough of this, the new man can become almost difficult to see. He says one thing and the past quietly supplies another meaning. He takes a little space and suddenly you are remembering somebody who took far too much. He is kind, and Suspicion would still like a moment to think about that.

Goodness. Sir may be new, but he is being judged by a very experienced audience.

And perhaps the most amusing part is that this is exactly the sort of relationship you once said you wanted: calmer, kinder, easier to trust. Then calm actually turns up, and the voices from the past suddenly have far too much time on their hands.

Every so often, though, you catch them at it.

Sir does something thoughtful and Suspicion is already leaning forward.

Not today.

Worry begins, “But what if—”

Yes, yes. We know.

Overthinking would very much like the phone back for one final reading.

Absolutely not.

Because Sir is new. He has his own habits, his own feelings and, goodness, perhaps even a few odd little surprises of his own. Surely he deserves the chance to reveal those to you himself one day.

Until then, the voices from the past may say whatever they like.

Only one of you is actually dating the man.